Boo!

Happy Halloween!

The day is here - the day when parents finally get rewarded for their efforts of decorating their children and parading them around to recieve "oohs" and "awws" only to go home with their grumpy-dumplings and toss them into bed as they crash from their sugar-highs and into sweet dreams...and then get to RAID their children's loot like pirates on the hunt.  Hooray!  CANDY!!!  Free candy that only cost us our sanity and patience.  It's a glorious day, isn't it?

I do love Halloween, actually.  I was raised in a household that celebrated the fun of Halloween, and I'm so glad that I got to dress up and be silly and indulge my sugar-tooth.

Today, we live in a different world.  Halloween is celebrated with safety on the brain - with harvest festivals and "trunk-n-treats" and only the rare and exceptional neighborhoods get to hand out carefully-parent-inspected candy to the trick-or-treaters.  Gone are the days of scouring the neighborhoods without supervision or running around town with your friends after dark.

Sometimes, it can feel like the scariest part of Halloween falls into the lap of the parents these days!

It can quickly become easy to want to overprotect your children, I completely understand.  Certainly there is nothing wrong with the adaptations that have been made to this holiday to ensure the safety of our kids or to increase the fun and diminish the "evil" nature of Halloween.  But, reality is that there really is scary stuff in this world, and I think Halloween can be a great time to talk to your kids about it.

Evil exists.  Bad things happen.  And, if we don't stop and take time to explain to our children in a calm and safe manner that life can get scary sometimes, we can be setting them up for some real fears later on.  (Don't worry - I promise to not go all Debbie Downer on you here...)

Halloween is a great time for a young child to safely encounter scary situations that might raise questions for them as well as emotions like fear or anxiety.  This is a great time to help your child build resiliency that will serve them well in the long run.

The great thing about resiliency is that it can be learned, and we as parents have the opportunity to model and nurture this important trait.  I found a great article by M. Tartakovsky regarding children's ability to develop resiliency, and she offers 10 tips that can help every parent navigate their way through these tricky times:

1.   Don't accommodate every need.
2.  Avoid eliminating all risk.
3.  Teach them to problem-solve.
4.  Teach your kids concrete skills.
5.  Avoid "why" questions. 
6.  Don't provide all  the answers.
7.  Avoid talking in catastrophic terms.
8.  Let your kids make mistakes.
9.  Help them manage their emotions.
10.  Model resiliency.

So, this Halloween, HAVE FUN!  But, as you are keeping your kids safe from harm, don't be overly concerned if they encounter a scary sight or sound now and then.  It's bound to happen at some point, and when it does, you can use the frightful moment as an opportunity to build your child's character and help them grow.

And...if you're in too much of a sugar-coma from all the Snickers you've snuck from your kid's plastic pumpkin bucket...well, just hit play below and relax.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!

Getting Messy

Life with toddlers is often messy.  I can't walk across a room in my house without a Cheerio sticking to my heel or a crayon snapping beneath my feet.  Children are a package deal - with a trail of crumbs and sticky fingers that accompany their adorableness.  Yes, I'm constantly in awe of how my girls can take a perfectly tidy room and destroy it into a toyland of smithereens within a lapse of five minutes...or, however long it takes me to step away and prepare their breakfast.

But, the joys of having two kids so close together abound when it comes to activities.  Because they are only 20 months apart, I don't really have to worry about entertaining them each at their own level (slightly, at times, but not significantly) as they can share in the same craft or game or story time.

The other day, I (amidst the chaos) decided we would make muffins...as a team...as a project...together.  This seemed like a simple enough idea in the moment because (against the purist foodie that I am in my heart) I had recently purchased some easy "just add milk" muffin mixes.  Simple enough:  bowl, mix, milk, stir, bake, and voila!  Muffins!

I think it was by the third lick of the whisk that I realized my girls were going to be devouring these muffins all by themselves.  Batter was flinging about, and their JOY in the creation of it wasn't just due to their participation - but in the sheer mess of it!

I stepped back.  Hands off.  And I soaked up the image of their smiling faces, four little feet planted side-by-side on a chair, two swirling whisks splattering batter about, and I calmly stepped back into the scene and tried to reign in their fun towards a productive action.

You know what I mean - we all want to be fun and effective parents!  It's hard to walk the line of patient and frustrated.  I don't want to squash their little spirits - but, I don't want to be scrubbing muffin mix out of the cracks in my kitchen for years to come either!

The truth of the matter is, in order for them to learn and have fun...it's just going to be messy.

This is one of those moments where I get a glimpse of how, as a parent-to-a-child, God must view me at times.  He loves me, He wants me to learn and grow and desire Him more, and He wants nothing but blessings and goodness for my life...and here I am, flinging my mess all over the place, stirring up all kinds of trouble in the name of self-interest.  It's not all bad, but too often I can make things much harder on myself (much messier!) when I try to do it my way.

It's true that life is gonna get messy no matter what.  Only Jesus lived a perfect life and even HE didn't have it mess-free! (Far from it!)

What mess are you in the middle of right now?  Can you laugh about it?  Can you get help with it?  Can you hang on just a little longer?

Because often, if I can just embrace the mess and keep my eye on what's to come...well, it just might lead to a delicious ending.

Half Full

Do you ever get up in the morning and just know you're going to have a rough day?  Sometimes just getting out of bed and pouring that first cup of coffee is the only "win" we have all day.  I understand.  Oh boy, do I understand!

For the last few weeks, my husband and I have abruptly woken up to the sound of angry screams and yelling.  Toddlers on the rampage, first thing in the morning. 

Call me crazy, but when I became a parent I envisioned early mornings (maybe not this early) of happy children skipping into our bedroom as we woke up to their smiling faces eager to take on the beauty of a new day.  It's not like I had delusions of perfect lighting and birds singing like in those coffee commercials you see on TV...but, I certainly never anticipated the adrenaline-erupting scene from Rambo that gives me a heart attack each and every day.

I don't know what sets these crazy girls off, but within minutes of waking up, they are screaming and fighting with each other nearly every morning.  Someone bursts into tears and then bursts into our room demanding justice which usually involves the negotiating talents of a Harvard-educated lawyer (neither of which we are) to talk one of them off the ledge.  The momentary apocalypse subsides within minutes, but by this time...well, to say we've been catapulted from the wrong side of the bed is an understatement.

It can take all of my patience, prayers, and poise to pull myself together and not have a sour mood the rest of the day.  You know when you want to punch your family in the face before breakfast, it's going to be a rough one.  Whew.  (Can I get an AMEN?)

You often hear that the best remedy to diffuse a bad attitude is to think of everything you are grateful for.  Ok (deep breath) deal.  I pray, I thank God for my screaming-yet-healthy children, for my home, for my husband, for the coffee I'm making the third round of by this time of the morning, and so forth.  And I am reminded of the old adage to "look at the glass as half full and not as half empty" as they say.  The power of positivity can be incredible, no doubt (thank you, Norman Vincent Peale).

My day can be turned around in this moment, or not.  It's really my choice, and it's a powerful one.  My next prayer is for my attitude to not only change, but to be useful...I'm pouring into two-legged-sponges-with-feisty-brains, after all.  A Mother isn't just a title - it's a lifestyle, 24/7, and I'm going to need that second helping of grace to make it to nap time!

It's during this prayer that I realize my glass isn't half full.  It's FULL.  Really full.  I was so focused on trying to see the half-way mark that I didn't realize there wasn't one.

There's no "half full" with Jesus - it's all or nothing.  Jesus doesn't need me to be positive - Jesus needs me to need HIM.  And, when I'm having one of those terrible days that drives me to the point of needing to remind myself of the tiniest things to be grateful for, I might be missing exactly what to focus on.

I can't change the day if I can't be changed.

And I can't lead my girls by example if I'm not letting myself be changed by the power of Christ on a daily basis - yes, even before my first cup of coffee on a morning full of mayhem.  The volume of my children's yelling and fighting might not change by my viewing them in a more positive light.  I might wait a few extra minutes before I lose my mind, but the fuse is still too short.  Instead, I am reminded of the goodness of the power of Christ in me - how, in moments like these and many others, I don't have to call on my own strength for extra patience or guidance (Hallelujah).

If you're struggling to see the halfway mark on your glass...stop.  Your gratitude can't save you.  You can name every hair on your head and it will never match the understanding, wholly accepting, merciful peace that Jesus grants us in our most ugly moments.  Only Jesus can quench our thirst for harmony.

We should all be "more" grateful, "more" understanding, "more" thoughtful, and "more" positive (aren't you exhausted and feeling guilty already?) But, whenever I am those things, don't be mistaken to think it's by my own strength, it's not!  I can only ever be those things when I've finally given up on my half, and I'm fully focused on the overflowing, brim-toppling, surface-spilling grace from the Heavenly Father.

That's when I can know for sure - it's gonna be a good day.

Blemish

The other day, I was going about my usual routine of getting ready to go out.  For me (a total make-up fiend) this usually involves a quick moment to "put my face on" and face the public as if I'm well rested and give a care.  I gazed into the mirror, dabbing on moisturizer and smearing foundation, covering up the flaws and accentuating the positive so to speak.

Then, I noticed something on my forehead, a small blemish that I hadn't been aware of.  Yuck, what's that?  Ugh, breaking out again?  I rubbed my forehead, trying to figure out the best way to conceal the flaw, but nothing covered it up.  I looked closer, frustrated and confused as to why it didn't disappear under make-up.

Then, in that split-second, I realized that I didn't have a blemish on me at all - it was a speck of make-up on the mirror that had given the illusion something was on my face.  Relieved, I wiped the mirror and went on with my routine.

In that ridiculous moment, I thought how foolish I was to instantly assume something was wrong with me.  I don't have the best skin in the world, and so I immediately jumped to the conclusion that it was my face that was blemished, and I left no room for argument.  Then, my perspective changed.  And when I saw the blemish for what it really was, my perspective of myself changed too.

We can be so quick to find the flaws in ourselves.

If you're like me, I can be quick to be critical of myself.  Not just body image or skin quality - but, how I mother my children, how I love my husband, how I treat others, and how I manage my time.  I can quickly point out the flaws and things I'd like to change - that's the easy part!  But, am I seeing everything from the right perspective?  Am I able to step back and spot the blemishes that aren't really blemishes at all?

None of us see ourselves as others see us - and, chances are good that people think we look a lot better than we think we do.  I'm all for self-improvement - don't get me wrong - but, in  a world that constantly tries to tell us (especially as women and mothers) that we're not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, etc..... (the list is long, as you know!) sometimes it's okay to clean the filthy mirror and see who we really are:  beautiful daughters of the King, working hard, loving well, and striving to make a difference (even if that difference for the day means not burning the frozen waffles in the toaster that morning - hey, that counts!)

Go take a look at your gorgeous self - flaws and all - and please, do yourself a favor and clean that mirror!  You might just smile at what you see. (I hope you do!)