Cry It Out: What My Sleepless Baby Taught Me About Prayer

Last night, we let baby Vivian "cry it out" a couple times in the night. Before you applaud or criticize, let me tell you that my philosophy for sleep training primarily centers around the idea that everyone in the house should simply take "the shortest route to rest". 

Sometimes this means nursing her for five minutes to get her back to sleep. Sometimes this means jumping up at her first cry to silence her before my other two daughters wake up. Sometimes this means turning up the whitenoise in everyone's room so we can hunker down into hibernation mode. If you've ever raised a zombie-baby (and this is my third) then, you can understand!

Vivi has been waking up every two hours on the dot for the last several weeks. At times this has fluctuated (as often as every hour, but only as long as 4 hours max) so yes, all that to say, I am quite exhausted. She's almost 8 months old, so the time of her "needing" food in the night has passed, but that doesn't stop her from needing me! I don't mind spoiling a baby, but when it comes to seeing her yawn and rub her eyes throughout the day because her own rest has been compromised, something's gotta give.

Besides, when I say "cry it out" what I really mean is "yell it out". This baby isn't sad, she is just AWAKE! She will shout from her crib and blab nonstop until she either crashes back to sleep or someone comes and sees what all the squawking is about. So, through all the "MAMAs" and the "DADADADAs" last night, I found myself praying and praying that she would find peace and comfort in our absence.

Honestly, I wanted to yell through the door back at her, "YOU'RE OKAY! YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED! WHAT YOU REALLY NEED IS SLEEEEEEP!" But, of course that wouldn't have done any good. She was fully convinced she needed me, whether for entertainment, comfort, or milk, she wanted to be snuggled up in my arms. While my mama heart was aching to give her all she desired, I knew that her needs were best met in what she could not see. The girl needed sleep, and if I had gone in to help her, I would have only stimulated her more which would have set us all back.

It was around 3am when it occurred to me how often I do this to God in my own prayer life. I shout my demands, telling God what I think I need help with, ordering my blessings like I'm reading a fast-food menu! Too often I am distracted by what I see (or want to see) that I totally forget the fact that God is working behind the scenes on behalf of my own good, to provide what I truly need. I'm bratty and short-sighted, while God is thumping me over the head with His Word and shouting "YOU'RE OKAY! YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED RIGHT HERE! TRUST ME!"

Well, God is much more merciful than that, thank goodness! He covers me in grace and I'm once again reminded at how many gaps there are in my prayers. I'm so grateful He fills in the blanks for us and has already set in place the provision for what will bring Him the most glory. I'm reminded how Oh yeah, duh my prayers are actually not a checklist for things I want, but rather a sacred communication and form of worship that connects me directly to my Creator.

Sometimes I cry it out. Sometimes I yell it out. Sometimes it feels like God is silent and nothing is happening and I'm stuck. And somehow my needs are met, all the same. God has already provided what I need, regardless of what I think I need. I just need to trust in Him. Wow, thank you Lord!

Now, when I hear that yelling baby in the night, I will try to focus on the presence of peace that will follow. I listen closely for the hush that follows the cries, for the calm that settles in after the confusion has faded. When that happy, well-rested baby wakes up in the morning, I am grateful that the temporary cries brought about much longer-lasting peace.

Psalm 66:19-20
But God has surely listened and has heard my prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me! 

Philippians 4:19
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

Momtropolis: Who's In Charge Around Here?

 
Ever feel like you're running a small city of crazies? Wondering how you became Mayor of Loudville with skyscrapers of laundry and towers of dishes as your empire?

Welcome to Momtropolis.

Sometimes there are days when I get up on time, wash my face, make my bed, have the lunches already made, get the laundry folded AND put away, sneak in a phone call over nap time, and prepare an edible meal for my family before the sun sets. These days are RARE.

Usually, I'm fighting chaos. It's a valiant effort, but I almost always feel ill-equipped, underprepared, and utterly exhausted. I find myself overwhelmed by tasks and to-dos, beating down demons of insecurity and envy, and doing my best to combat mommy guilt or the disappointment of not getting enough done.

Sigh. Running Momtropolis is hard work, right? It's easy to ask "HOW did I end up here? WHY are these yahoos ordering me around? WHO is in charge around here?"

Kids are irrational little beings, demanding attention and needing constant supervision while incessantly asking questions as they explore new territories of the world around them. In short - they are crazy people. Even when the day runs smoothly, these tyrants are fighting for authority.

It's easy for me to look at my kids and think I couldn't possibly be the best person to be in charge around here. Surely there is someone better suited for the job, some other mother who they'd rather have bossing them around and teaching them with far more patience and love than I have to give.

Then I remember - Momtropolis is not a Democracy. My kids didn't vote me into office. They didn't have a say in what kind of mom they got. They got me. And I was placed here by the King Himself.

Momtropolis is a Monarchy. As a daughter of the King, I'm poised for the distinct honor of carrying out His purpose for our little domain. I inherited these blessings, to oversee with His guidance and protection. I'm going to make mistakes, I'm going to totally blow it at times; but, my loving Ruler is consistently there for me to lean on and turn to and gain reassurance that He entrusts these things to me because I totally entrust them to Him.

I can't do this job without Jesus. Bottom line. I'm so grateful that I'm not the be-all-end-all final word when it comes to raising these adorable lunatics. I'm so glad my salvation doesn't depend on my ability to fold laundry. I'm incredibly humbled that my relationship with God isn't contingent on how well my kids turn out. It's these truths that offer me peace in the midst of Momtropolis. And, when I look around and feel lost in the middle of my own town, I turn to the King for direction.

Be encouraged, mamas, you Mayors of Toddlertowns and Babyvilles. You don't feel in charge because you don't need to be! You have a sovereign King who appointed you to your privileged position with the title of MOM, and He is there to provide you the support, guidance, and hope you need to make it to tomorrow.

Let this passage from Ephesians encourage you today:

I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit - not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength - that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in with all the followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love...God can do anything you know - far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. - Ephesians 3: 15-18, 20

Early Easter: Teaching Your Kids About the Death and Resurrection of Christ

Easter is early this year. It feels strange, shopping for chocolate bunnies and hiding eggs before the grass even needs to be mowed. Spring break has sent me into a tailspin of parent-overtime, keeping my kids from fighting and trying to make the most of our time together while maintaining my sanity (no easy feat!)

It's easy to get overwhelmed by everyday life, let alone the prep for a major holiday. I get easily distracted by the pastel brouhaha that Easter brings with it. One step into any retail store and you're practically accosted with spring fever.

With Easter being this early, I'm particularly overcome with the responsibility of appropriately teaching my children the true meaning of Easter. I get hung up on nuances of doctrine or which passage to read to them, then I get frustrated when they won't sit still and listen or if they change the subject back to bunnies and candy. I worry about whether the Scripture will sink into their hearts or if the power of the Resurrection will ever make its way past their ears and into their souls. I get anxious about the story being too scary, too gruesome, or whether I'm making it too child-proof for it to have the impact it needs. Good grief!

Do you have these worries? Do you second guess yourself enough that you avoid the topic altogether? You are in good company, friend!

When I get perplexed by where to begin, I take a breath, I give up, I thank the Holy Spirit for His presence and allow Him to actually do His job (which I have failed at yet again). I don't know about you, but I'm a terrible Holy Spirit! I so quickly take it upon myself to drive truth into the hearts of my children that I can completely discount the power God has on their individual hearts. I'm so glad I have the privilege of being their mother - and not their Savior! 

Easter may be early this year, but it's always the right time for truth. I absolutely believe that reading the Scriptures aloud to your children is wonderful and beneficial. But, if you're kids are squirrelly like mine and you both need a digestible way to learn about Easter, check out The Jesus Storybook Bible. Our church gifts this children's Bible when babies are dedicated, and I absolutely adore it.

For Good Friday:
I couldn't find an easy online version of "The Sun Stops Shining" chapter which is perfect for reading about the crucifixion, so, this is the best I could do... (credit to Zondervan for the material below and hopefully they don't make me take down these photos of their beautiful book)

For Easter:
But, I did find this video version (below) of the Resurrection chapter titled "God's Wonderful Surprise" that you and your kiddos can watch for Easter! ENJOY!

When you feel overwhelmed by the wonder of Christ's sacrifice for us - let your kids see that! It is normal to feel strong emotions when we reflect on the truth about Easter. I do my best to trust God to fill in the blanks where I fall short as a parent. I know I can't perfectly dictate His Words into their little hearts, and I'll never be the example of His love that Jesus was.

But, this early Easter, I'm compelled to TRUST - wholly and completely - in His power, His perfection, His plan. Thanks be to God for sending His Son, for the death and the Resurrection.

Happy Easter - He is Risen!

Introducing: Recommendations!

Check out the new tab above to see the latest PARDYMAMA RECOMMENDATIONS!

In a world where we all need STUFF, it can get confusing and frustrating to get a straight answer about what works. I'm here to lend my honest feedback about the stuff I use, love, and would recommend to any mama out there!

You won't see a lot of negative feedback on my site because frankly, if I don't like it, I don't waste your time with mentioning it. But, when I love something - I want the world to know about it!

I never get paid for my reviews, so you can know that when a product gets the Thumbs Up from me, I truly mean it.

You can always click on the Recommendations tab at the top to keep up to date with any new products that get my stamp of approval (and sometimes DISCOUNTS)!

If you think you know a product that deserves my attention, hit me up! Contact me here and I'll give you the details!

Go Green: Why I Love Pure Haven Essentials

Happy St. Patrick's Day! What better day to make a change and GO GREEN?

If you're like me, when you first hear the words "non-toxic" you might think "not as effective" or "too expensive"- (which is what I've experienced in the past with many so-called-natural products). It's just so hard to know what products to trust these days. Can you relate?

I often turn to my friend Jessica when I have questions about health and wellness for my family. Jessica Hodson is a mom of two, a strong Christian, and a friend of mine from way way back - which is why I trust her advice completely!

I'm super excited to introduce you to her, because she's also an Executive Leader for Pure Haven Essentials - awesome non-toxic products for your family!

Why Choose Pure Haven Essentials?

I want to tell you about the PHE products I've tried for the past few weeks - because they WORK, they are LOVELY, and most of all they are HEALTHY for everyone in your family!
Check out Jessica's website for yourself to see what products might fit your family's needs!
Here are my favorites:
Dream Cream
Addicted! This thick lotion is yummm in a bottle. Seriously.  I'm kinda sensitive to scents, and this delicious cream is like vanilla-birthday-cake-meets-clean-laundry-on-a-warm-spring-day. So um, yeah, you're gonna want to try this.
It's no surprise this is one of the most popular PHE products - it's downright AMAZING. Between winter weather and breastfeeding, my skin has been extra dry. This Dream Cream has been the only thing I've found to keep my skin moisturized throughout the day without having to reapply (a little goes a long way!)
It also has a zillion uses! I also used it on baby Vivian's cradle cap, and it washed out easily, smelled lovely, and I haven't needed to use it again since!
How they packed all this into one cream truly is a dream! This gets my TOP recommendation, for sure.

Body Butter (This product is COMING SOON, but I got a sneak peek already!)
For those extra-dry spots, this is your answer in a jar. It's similar to the Dream Cream, but thicker and with a more "lemon-drop" scent. I like to apply it to my cuticles, elbows, and knees at bedtime for an extra boost of moisture. I love that it's safe to use on my kids (after playing outside all day, their skin needs extra TLC too!) and it's scent is gender neutral enough that even my husband can use it!

Lavender Bar Soap
Love me some lavender! I'm not usually a fan of bar soap, but when I saw this lavender gift set, I was so excited to try it! The soothing, calming qualities of lavender (great for sleep too!) are evident in this soap. It didn't dry out my skin (like usual soap does) and it lathered up nice and sudsy too. What's more, it didn't get all gunky on the bottom from sitting on my shower shelf! In a pinch, I even used it on my face a couple times and it never made me break out which truly attests to it's purity. If you love lavender, this is a must!

Moisturizing Hand Soap (This product is COMING SOON, but I got a sneak peek already!)
How many times has your husband commented on how good your hand soap is? Probably never, right?! Well, you can imagine my surprise when I hear my beloved from the bathroom say "Where did you get this hand soap? It's so nice and I love the smell!" Haha. True story.
This soap is a family favorite. It's clear, so it looks good filling any container, and it's soft scent leaves your hands feeling smooth and clean. It's everything you want in a hand soap, but with none of the harsh chemicals! Yay for clean hands!

Night Serum
This was a BONUS with the order I received (yes, there are tons of PERKS offered each month and ever-changing!) and I was thrilled to add it to my skincare regimen. I'm always timid about trying new things on my face, but this mild, sweet-orangey-smelling serum left my skin super soft by morning. I was fearful that putting "oil" on my face might make it break out, but instead the opposite was true!? I had a blemish vanish within two days of using it, along with some winter dryness on my cheeks. Better yet, it only took about HALF a pump to cover my face and neck, which means this little bottle will last me a long time.

For Babies

Baby Wash & Shampoo 
I always say it's impossible to spoil a baby because they deserve the very best - but, if you were going to try, start with this! This wash is mild enough for baby's delicate skin, and my Vivian loved splashing in the bubbles it made (many times "natural" products don't suds up the same as synthetic products). The scent is extremely mild too, very clean and fresh, but left my baby smelling like her sweet self and not some overly-powdery-bundle-of-joy. Most of all, it's incredibly reassuring to know I'm bathing my precious girl in something that will leave her truly clean, free from any chemicals that could possibly harm her.

Baby Lotion
DEFINITELY purchase the lotion when you buy the shampoo - it's worth it! This yummy cream is thick enough that a dime-size will cover your whole baby (I used WAY too much the first time!) and it absorbs completely. Many lotions I've tried have left a tacky residue, but this lotion leaves my baby's skin moist without being sticky. All the better to kiss!
The fresh scent is very gender neutral too, so it would make a great baby shower gift for anyone with a little one on the way.

100% honest & never paid
for my recommendations

Ready to shop? Want to learn more?

Pure Haven Essentials makes it easy to take a step towards non-toxic living because they offer products for your whole family! Jessica would be thrilled to tell you more about everything PHE has to offer, and you can contact her any time to find out more!

MARCH 2016 Customers can use Party ID 138824 and will receive a FREE SKIN TONER with their $95 order! There's a new special each month, so be sure to check out her Facebook Page to keep up with all the great deals!

Choosing Pure Haven Essentials for my family is a no-brainer; not only are the products highly effective, luxurious and completely safe, but they are products with a mission. A mission to change lives and a mission to change the world for the better. 

-Jessica Hodson, Executive Leader with Pure Haven Essentials

Ain't No One Got Time For That: True Self-Care For Mamas

I'm really good at chatting about self-care. I have my Masters in Marriage & Family Therapy, after all. I have three children and put on deodorant today, for heaven's sake. I have a marriage that still makes me smile and remembered to schedule my six-month dentist check-up only 10 months after the last one! I mean, I'm seriously good at this self-care business, right?

If you're like me, you are great at telling others how to take better care of themselves, but slipping slowly down the sub-par slope yourself. Cringing yet?

As mothers, we deal daily in the chores of sympathy, compassion, care, and inevitably spread ourselves too thin across the needs of our family, all in the name of love. This is wonderful. This is often necessary. But, this is not sustainable. 

Yesterday, I joined a Bible Study that "I don't have time for", "It's just far enough away to be too far", "I don't even know if anyone I know will be there", "I'm not even sure what they are studying", and "I'm not sure I want to commit or feel obligated to keep going".

Sound familiar?

I can easily think of a million reasons not to go. I have plenty of dishes/laundry/cooking that I could fill that time-slot with. I didn't even want to tell anyone I was considering going in case I backed out at the last minute.

Then I remembered that in the last two years, God brought me through the absolute busiest time of my life. With two children, I got through grad school, held a part-time job, and had a book published, and somehow managed to not completely have my brain melt.

God was faithful, and while I have no desire to relive that kind of manic schedule, I know that He provides what I need when I need it - including time (and especially time to worship Him)!

I often forget that true self-care starts from the inside out. Soul care doesn't just happen on its own. 

I don't just feel joyful because of the "stuff" I have or the blessings around me. I don't just automatically desire to read the Bible every day because it's the "right thing to do". I don't constantly thank Jesus for saving me simply because I should. AND I SHOULD...but, reality holds obligations, deadlines, crying babies, phone calls, and dentist appointments that I allow to get in the way.

It's easy to think that something so basic as taking care of ourselves should come naturally. But, I'm here to tell you that it's OKAY to schedule it in. Do it!

You don't have to join a Bible Study. That's not necessarily the answer for you in the season you are in. But, how are you taking care of yourself? Wine nights with girlfriends and the occasional mani/pedi might be what most mommy blogs are urging you to do - but I'm here to ask, What are you doing to pamper your soul?

I'm learning how to do this right alongside you, mamas. I am thick in the struggle of balancing all the spinning plates while riding a unicycle, just like you are. I pray every day that I will appreciate this season, even through the groggy fog of sleep deprivation and the sounds of whiney children and the reheated cups of coffee.  It's hard.

But, let's remember who is truly spinning all those plates. It's not us. It's certainly not by my strength that my children get hugged and disciplined all in the same day. It's not by my faithfulness that food is on the table or the unfolded laundry keeps us warm day to day.

Give yourself the time-out that a mama sincerely deserves, and let us encourage one another to focus on the One from whom all blessings flow. We all got time for that.

If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. - Jeremiah 29:13 NLT 

 

Merry Christmess: An Open Letter to the Internet to Back Off My Holidays

Dear Internet,

Yep, you, the whole Internet. Back off my holidays, seriously.

It seems you need a reminder of your role in my life. You are a tool. You are not judge, you do not care most or know best. You are there for me to use and not the other way around.

Internet, you've gone too far. In the past, I've let you question my time management, my parenting skills, my ability to cook, craft, and all things domestic. I've let you crowd my brain with plenty of bah-humbuggery the rest of the year, but now you got me questioning my Christmas, and that's just not cool.

Am I giving enough gifts to my kids? Am I spoiling them? Is it okay to lie to them about Santa? Is it okay to call it an ugly Christmas sweater if there's a nativity on it?!? 

In the last few weeks I've seen red cups become weapons of Christmas destruction, one mom's overflow of gift-giving be set ablaze by commentators, and a multitude of ads trying to manipulate my consumerism into "what's best" for my family. I can't take it anymore!

I'll give you credit for a few good things, sure. There have been toy drives, Christmas wishes, and viral videos of mall Santa's going above-and-beyond their call of duty. You can keep that coming, and in the spirit of the season, please don't feel you need to sensationalize the title of said videos with provocative script by using phrases like "You won't believe..." or "What happens next..." We get it. You want us to watch the video.

But, then what?

Internet, you are nothing without US. Without the doers, the watchers, the be-ers out there among the droves of holiday participators longing for a bright season of hope, you are as valuable as a lump of coal in Scrooge's stocking.

So, let's drop the attacks. Let's lose the judgment. Please stop the insanity of forcing us to feel. 

Christmas is already perfect. 

You only allow us to say "Jesus is the Reason for the Season" if we're being ironic, sarcastic, or fanatic...but that doesn't make it untrue. You don't get it, Internet, and that's okay. You aren't here to inspire us or even educate us. You are here to channel the best of what we are, with the hope of what we want to be. 

And that's up to us.

You can keep your cat videos and your pop-culture memes all you want. I'm just requesting you start to flush out the fear-mongering articles, the guilt-inducing ads, and the hiding-behind-handles commentary attacks that make us all want to set New Year's resolutions against you.

So, here's my effort. Here's my contribution to you. I don't care if one person reads it or it lights up someone's twitter feed. I'm using you in the best way I know how - to let someone stumble upon this and just feel one thing: not alone.

I want to extend a cyber-holiday-hug and let moms know that they're doing Christmas right, even if they forget to make nut-free cookies for their kid's Kindergarten Winter Party or use a bathrobe as a last minute shepherd costume in the church play.

I want to encourage people that this season of high emotion includes a roller-coaster of feelings that can dip down into despair, but still hang onto the hope of a new day ahead - that grief and sorrow are also normal this time of year, just rarely okay to talk about.

And, I want to exclaim tidings of great joy for all people, that thousands of years ago a tiny human came into the world when things were a total wreck (hate, terrorism, genocide) and a glimmer of eternal hope was offered to our unworthy souls that transcends all emotion and reason.

Internet, please stop making a mess of Christmas. The world is not worse off than it ever has been. The world is not less safe. The world is not less saved. 

Jesus is actually the reason for all seasons. Regardless of what season you find us in (alone or popular, rich or poor) I regret to inform you that what you have to say just doesn't matter.

You are nothing without us. And we are nothing without Jesus.

So, Merry Christmas, Internet. Peace be with you.

~pardymama

Big Love for Wee Sprout: Nature's Little Squeeze Reusable Food Pouches

Sometimes I stumble across a product I love so much, that I track down the manufacturer and let them know I would hug them in person if I could.  Wee Sprout is one of those companies!

Wee Sprout makes REFILLABLE food pouches and
YOU can save 15%
by using code: PARDYMAMA

I never get paid to endorse any products that I mention on my blog, so you can rest assured that this mama is giving you honest feedback on items I truly use and love.

Do you have a picky eater in your family?

My daughter, Daphne, would live on cereal and spaghetti if I let her. It's like pulling teeth from a fish to get her to take a bite of veggies or fruit.  BUT, she loves those Go-go Fruit pouches!? I was paying way too much for them in the store, trying my best to find coupons or buy in bulk when it suddenly struck me, There must be a better way!

There is! Wee Sprout makes three different sizes of food pouches that are dishwasher safe, freezable, and totally reusable. You can fill it with smoothie, pudding, applesauce, or any one of your own concoctions so you can sneak-some-healthy into your kiddo's day!

SAVE 15% with code PARDYMAMA

As you can see - Daphne's a fan! I love to blend up some bananas with a couple tablespoons of apple juice and freeze them for her lunches. By the time it thaws out, she has a yummy banana smoothie ready to slurp down. (Just be sure to let the preschool teacher know not to throw it away after lunchtime!)

I rinse mine out with warm, soapy water, then toss it in the top rack of my dishwasher for a thorough cleaning. They are super durable, easy to use, and saves me a TON of money too!

Additionally, Wee Sprout is a family owned company right here in Tennessee! I was thrilled to contact the owner and let her know how much I loved the product, and I feel great supporting small business that promotes healthy living for kids and clearly keeps real life, busy mamas in mind when designing their products.

These little squeezes would make GREAT stocking stuffers for kids, wonderful baby shower presents, or an awesome gift for the mom-friend you love to play-date with!

SAVE 15% with code PARDYMAMA

Squeeze your little ones and buy them Nature's Little Squeeze today! You can know you are supporting small business and healthy living too!

Fearfully Made: How Do I Live With Fear?

Motherhood comes with many things.  Love, awe, gratitude, patience, and selflessness.  These are the wonderful things I've grown in (sometimes begrudgingly) since I first set eyes on my own offspring.

But, something else that comes with motherhood is worry...and lots of it.  As my children grow, so do my fears.

It starts off small, checking on them while they are napping to make sure they're breathing; knowing where my phone and the nearest ice pack is at all times as they learn to climb; praying for them at school as they start to develop beyond my grasp.  And on and on.  Many of these things seem within my control, many of these worries are calmed by the illusion that I have the power to prevent them if I plan enough, work hard, and pay enough attention to detail.

Then I get on Facebook, or Instagram, or watch the news at all.  Turns out just about anything can kill us at any time.  I've seen reports about the dangers of flip flops for heaven's sake!  Articles about how babies get injured from this or that seem to inundate my newsfeed at all times.  Child abductions and horrible diseases become part of my regular checklist in praying for protection for my family.

And I am afraid.

Are these fears reality?  Am I crazy to be anxious about every little thing?  Is it okay to NOT worry about something, or does that make me an uncaring mother???

We can work ourselves up to the point of worrying about worrying and suddenly all the mothers I know are flooded with more anxiety than a chihuahua on Redbull!  WHAT GIVES?!

I can't take it anymore.  I am tired of being afraid.  I am over letting my joy be stolen by worry for things I do not have control over.  I am done with feeling the burden of fear when it is not mine to carry.

Psalm 139:14 (NIV) 

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

The word "fearfully" here does NOT mean that I live in fear of the world around me.  The word actually reflects fear in the sense of respect and reverence (i.e. "fear of the Lord") and a healthy acknowledgement of HIS sovereignty.  We were made to hand over our fears to God - in full acceptance that His works are wonderful and we revere His divine wisdom to act in His perfect will.  

1 John 4:18 reminds us that "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..."so I can rest in God's perfect love for me, reflect that in my life through faith and action, and rid myself of the fears in this world.

We can't worry about everything.  We just can't.  (Trust me, I've tried.)  It's exhausting and impossible and futile.  But, we worship a God who has no need for worry.  Not only can He take on all our cares and concerns, but He extinguishes them and can help us steer clear of them in the future.

My big secret to driving out fear?  Focus on His perfect love.  

When I feel the lies creeping up on me (you know the ones:  You're not good enough.  You're ruining your children. You don't deserve this.) I take a deep breath and pray to the God who made me to hand Him my insecurities.  

When I feel the worries crashing down on me (all the what ifs! What if there's a shooter at school?  What if it's not just the chicken pox? What if, what if, what if...) I read the Scripture or sing a worship song and refocus my thoughts to truths that are steadfast regardless of what the day holds.

We live in a fearful world that's ready to amplify our worries if we let it.  But we serve a God who created the universe, and nothing is too major for Him.  

Yes, there are terrible tragedies that many of us will encounter in this life.  It sucks.  I hate it.  I do not belittle pain or grief or turmoil that we each experience.  But, my hope is that we can encourage one another to not let those fears control our minds, hearts, spirits, or actions.  

So, when you see that fear pop up in your newsfeed today - stop it in its tracks!  Text someone an encouraging word.  Hug your kid.  Kiss your husband.  High five a friend.  Take a deep breath and drive out that fear with the perfect love God has for you right now in this time and place.  

And take joy in the thought that you are wonderfully made. 

 

Heaven Sent: Why I Love Earth Mama Angel Baby

I recently wrote a post all about breastfeeding, where I mentioned how much I love Earth Mama Angel Baby's Natural Nipple Butter.  Since then, I've gotten to try out some more of their products and mamas, let me tell you - this stuff is heaven sent!

It's rare for me to blatantly endorse products, I save my soapbox for only things I truly love.  So, while this is only my opinion, I hope you take my review here as an honest mama's thumbs up for the following products! (I don't sell these or make any money off of this, I promise!)

I'll even send a FREE SAMPLE and $1-Off coupon
to the first 5 people who EMAIL ME,
subject line: HEAVEN SENT!

Natural Nipple Butter: This stuff is awesome - as I've already told you how it is fantastic to prevent cracked, sore nipples when breastfeeding.  But, did you know it could also be used for chapped lips, backup diaper cream, drool rash, or even as breast pump lube?  Woohoo!  I'm all for the multi-purposing of this product, and I love that it is safe for mom and baby.  Be one of the first five people to email me and you'll get a free sample!

Organic Milkmaid Tea:  Fall is here and winter is on the way - warm up your insides with this yummy tea and help your milk production at the same time!  If you are a tea lover, you'll love this.  The fennel seed gives it a slightly licorice-y flavor, which I personally like, and it would probably make a good iced tea as well if that's your preference.  While I don't exclusively use organic products, it's wonderful to know this tea is super safe for my milk production.  This sweet sipper is USDA Certified 100% Organic, Non-GMO Project Verified and Certified Kosher. I like to sip it in the morning and afternoon...and maybe with a cookie or two (shh, don't tell.)

Booby Tubes: Got ouchie tatas? You mamas gotta try these!  At first I was a bit skeptical how something gel-free could be comforting, but once I stuck these puppies in the freezer and used them after a feeding - ahhh, serious relief!  What I love most about them is that they can be used either cold (to reduce swelling or tenderness) OR hot (to promote let-down and milk flow and also prevent clogged ducts)! Again safe for mama and baby, they are natural and made with a 100% organic cotton shell and filled with all-natural flax seed.

A Little Something for Baby: My FAVORITE by far! Mamas, if you don't get this at a baby shower - buy it yourself!  This little kit is perfect to welcome a new little one into the world.  I've used mine on baby Vivian and I'm excited to take it with us over the holidays while we travel (the products are perfect for on-the-go!)  The bath products have a delicious, vanilla-orange scent that will make you want to nibble your baby all the more.  Vivi was calm and relaxed as I bathed her and lotioned her and I was thrilled to see her diaper rash disappear after a few uses of the bottom balm.  I also used the baby oil on a couple spots she developed cradle cap and it made it much easier to remove.  This kit is perfect for a gift too, so I'm thinking Santa might be putting another one in baby Viv's stocking this year!

Let me know if you have any questions about these products!  I don't sell them at all - but I'll give you my honest opinion!  You can find all these and more on the Earth Mama Angel Baby website and almost anywhere that sells baby products. Be sure to email me for a coupon!

Create for a Cause: Why You Should Start Crafting it Forward

Love crafting?  Love kids?  Then you are going to fall in love with Crafting it Forward, a new organization that delivers happiness in a box and helps you spread love to others one simple craft at a time.

Save with pardymama and start spreading the love!

Email candice@craftingitforward.com and give CODE: $10off/PARDYMAMA to save today!!!

Crafting it Forward delivers new boxes of super fantastic, DIY craft supplies straight to your doorstep. You make the craft with your kiddos and as stated on the Crafting it Forward website:  "memories are made, creativity is cultivated, and love is spread...because once the craft is enjoyed, it's passed on to a children’s hospital or  senior center to be enjoyed all over again. Together, we are crafting with purpose."

My oldest two daughters (ages 5 and 4) were super excited to get our Crafting it Forward box.  We had a rainy afternoon to chill inside, and this activity filled the afternoon with excitement and creativity.

I'm not a "crafter".  I can't stress enough how uncoordinated I am when it comes to creating with my hands.  You might be rolling your eyes at me, but I assure you that my creativity hits its limit with writing.  I was relieved to see that this box of DIY fun came with simple instructions even I could follow with no problem!

To be honest, I was a little concerned that my girls might be upset to "repackage" the craft they just created.  I didn't want them to think that I didn't value it, or that it wasn't worth keeping.  But, when I explained that it was headed to another place to help brighten someone else's day, they were entirely on board.  Not only was the craft a lesson in creativity, but it was an opportunity to teach my girls about generosity and service.

Ready to Craft it Forward???  A subscription would make a wonderful Christmas gift for your child or a young family you know.  You can choose to subscribe to the crafting box each month, and you can also sponsor a child with illness to receive a crafting box to enjoy for himself or herself.

Save with pardymama and start spreading the love!

Email candice@craftingitforward.com and give CODE: $10off/PARDYMAMA to save today!!!

Check out their website and share the link with a friend today.  Together we can start putting smiles on the faces of others far and wide!

Babies, Babies, Babies

The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon is when you learn about something new and then all of a sudden it seems to pop up everywhere.  Never is this more true than for pregnant women and new mothers.

Once you become pregnant, the whole world starts having babies.  You notice "Baby On Board" signs in traffic, you can't help but glance at a woman's growing belly across the aisle in Target, and suddenly you find yourself judging everyone's name as if it's a genuine possibility for your offspring.  Everything has to do with babies, and more and more birth announcements show up on your Facebook newsfeed than you ever thought possible.

I'm not immune to this anomaly.  I know of at least 8 babies that have been born in the last six weeks, with more pregnant friends still awaiting their turn.  (Seriously, what was happening last Fall, people?  Did they put something in the water?)

If you aren't pregnant yourself, chances are good that you know someone who is or have had a baby somewhat recently.  So, I'm embracing this phase and gonna be talking a LOT about babies in the upcoming posts.  Breastfeeding, c-sections, body image, and more. (Comment below on what YOU'D like to hear about!)  It's a wonderfully terrifying time of life that continues to bewilder me with purpose and pride.

I wear a lot of hats.  I'm a wife, a writer, and a marriage counselor, with personal interests in cooking, films, and puppetry. (Okay, not that last one.  I was just throwing in a curve ball to see if you were awake.  If you didn't catch it, go pour yourself another cup of coffee and hug someone.)

But, of all the titles I hold, mother is my favorite by far.

With so many mothers in the world, there still seems to be a lack of honest stories being shared about real women experiencing it.  I find myself cringing with insecurity all too often, wondering if I'm doing enough or doing it right instead of just enjoying the act of doing it at all.  

As my life shifts and changes, as my heart grows to allow for the capacity to love yet more for this newest baby in my life, I want to remind all you mamas out there that HEY - we're doing this thing called motherhood, and we're not alone.  

In a world where we can be inundated with babies and growing bellies all around us, let's not forget that behind each little creature is a mother who is trying to keep it all together.

You're not alone, mama, let's chat.

Hallelujah Again: Victory Over Unemployment

Two years ago today I announced that our job search was over and Josh had accepted a new position after nearly 4 months of unemployment. (See the TimeHop pic below!)

Well, today I'm thrilled to announce the exact same great news!

It's weird, right?  Spooky and wonderful, honestly.  My husband's contract was not renewed at the school he worked at due to budgetary reasons back in July, so we've been unemployed for the last three months.

It is with great pride that I tell you he's accepted a position as Marketing and Business Development Coordinator at a local engineering firm!  He starts October 12th, and prayers as he transitions to this new position would be greatly appreciated.

As I read back over my post about his new job from 2 years ago, God reminded me how His truth is timeless.  Here is an excerpt from that post that rings completely (albeit, eerily) true again today.  Thank you for celebrating this news with us!

From September 25, 2013...

And here's where I get real honest with you.  Here's the part where you are feeling all "oh, how nice that worked out for you" and I'm about to blow that thought right out of the water for you...so, just keep reading.

The night before we got the job, God told me something.  He said, plain and simply, "You know that if he gets this job it doesn't solve your problems, right?  Only I can do that."  I kind of brushed that off and said another prayer for the job, and then I BEGGED God for the job and then I thanked God and still said "but, please God, seriously, please let him get this job".  I didn't quite let what God told me sink in all the way.  I wanted Josh to get that job.  It would be a problem solved, and so my heart and mind were set on that.

Then, he got the job.  And, I felt relief.  I felt joy.  But...I didn't feel any more secure than I had the day before.  In fact, neither Josh nor I jumped up and down like we had in the past when much smaller victories were won (You got a call baaaack!!!!  You got an interviewwwww!!!)  Not this time.  This time was different.

Josh got the job.  Hallelujah.  But, that's not the victory here.  The victory - the moral to the story - is the three and a half freaking months that came before the job.  The miracle is the survival, the journey, the long road of impatience and questions and doubting.  The loving marriage that sustained the waves of tumultuous worry.  The food on the table brought by friends.  The cards of encouragement and support sent by loved ones.  The pride found in working a blue-collar job.  The strength of a family cared for by a community and body of Christ.  THAT'S OUR VICTORY.

I never could have guessed it.  Even a few weeks ago I could have told you what this blog post could have looked like - a long and relentless bragging about my husband and how awesome he is and how good God is for rewarding his efforts.  No.  Not at all.  Don't get me wrong - Josh is my hero - but, we're giving credit where credit is surely due, and that goes entirely to Jesus.

Here's something else - Satan hates it when we give Jesus the credit.  And today, just as we were eager to awake with feelings of assurance and celebration, we were spiritually attacked from all sides as Satan did his best to steal our joy and distract us from the goodness of God.  I'm really being honest here, gang.  Today was ROUGH.  Even my daughters were stressed out and overly emotional and the littlest things seemed like the end of the universe in our home.  Each one of us was in a terrible mood, annoyed and frustrated, irrationally snappy and completely out of sorts.

We literally had to stop in the middle of our morning and pray aloud in our living room to just invite the Holy Spirit to be present with us, to help us focus on His peace and faithfulness, and to not let anything distract us from the beauty of the moment and the assurance of God's goodness.

But, here we are.  We are here to CELEBRATE and let you know that God IS good.  Wholly good.  And the job is wonderful...but, it is merely a facet in the structure that is our lives as they should be lived out according to God's will.  We are grateful - but, not fooled by the false sense of security that money and benefits offer in this world.  We are humbled, and we are sincerely blessed by the long three and a half months where our faith was stretched far beyond the boundaries of our liking.

Thank you, thank you, thank you - to each of you who prayed for us, supported us, encouraged us, and fought the good fight through the victory of the wait.

God is using us here.  God has big plans for us.  God is good - really - all the time.

We're so grateful to celebrate God's goodness with you!

Guest Blog: My First Mom-Friend by Rachel Oliver

Today's post is brought to you by my friend, Rachel.  Check her work in her profile links below!

For the first year of motherhood, I worked part-time. My life was very much immersed in being mom, wife and employee, and I found a great deal of personal satisfaction and even community from my days spent in the office.

Then I left the workforce to stay home full-time, and my life became very isolated.

I had imagined all the fun things my daughter and I would do once I was home full-time, but the reality of her age and our newly-shrunk budget left me home and bored all too often.

Thanks to Netflix and naptime, I caught up on all my favorite television shows and quickly began looking for more. I cried through Army Wives, and found myself becoming jealous of the women depicted with close friends who lived right next door. All of my friends worked or lived 30+ minutes away, making daily or even weekly gatherings a challenge.

That’s when Liz moved in two doors down. With fiery red hair and an outgoing personality, not to mention the fact that she didn’t know another living soul in Denver, we became fast friends.

Our daughters are 10 months apart in age and, while we found activities that they might like, we really enjoyed finding excursions that gave us opportunity to grow our friendship.  We spent time at the indoor mall play area during the cold winter months, would go for early morning stroller walks as the weather warmed, not to mention just popping over for a quick chat or to borrow a  serving of applesauce.

Just shy of a year after moving in, Liz and her family packed up and moved away. Okay, only 20 miles away and we still see each other at least weekly.

But what I learned from the first friend I made as a mom with a mom, was huge.

I learned to step out of my comfort zone. I may have been lonely as a stay-at-home mom but it wasn’t enough to compel me to try new things until Liz came along and invited me to go and do. And even then, sometimes I just wanted to stay home in my PJs; and sometimes that’s just what I did. But when I let go of my reservations, I found that spending time with a friend was refreshing to my soul (not to mention how much better my attitude became).

I learned that to best help my daughter become a good friend, I needed to model healthy friendships to her. My daughter may have only been a year old when Liz and I first met, but the habits I am forming now, including and especially in regards to friendship, will speak to my future relationships and in turn, to hers.

I learned to offer grace to other moms – and to myself. Mom friendships are beautiful and unique, a special type of comradery. They also include distinct challenges: sick kids, meltdowns, and blowouts affect schedules while time together is full of interruptions and the distractions of a wayward toddler. That’s also why they work; moms get other moms.

I learned that mom-friendships are worth getting out of PJs for. Whether I have to walk next door or drive 30 minutes away, friendships with other moms are worth pursuing and being available for.

I’ve been blessed to have many friends over the course of my life: childhood friends, college friends, work friends. Adding mom friends has been a special blessing. By offering grace to each and grace to ourselves, mom-friendships have helped me through life’s good things and hard things, and have made me a better mom, better woman and a better friend.

So what about you – where do you find mom friends?

I'm Rachel. 

Mom to one, trying for two, stuck with a couple crazy dogs and loved by a fabulous guy. I'm a stay-at-home-but-rarely-home mom with a knack for saying "yes" too quickly, especially when it comes to outside commitments and Diet Mountain Dew. 

I blog at rachel+reagan. 

Follow me on Facebook and Twitter.

Everyday Wisdom Magazine OUT TODAY

I am thrilled to tell you about a new publication that comes out TODAY called Everyday Wisdom!

It hits stands today at Barnes & Noble, Walmart, and a variety of grocery stores.  You can also purchase it online if you click here!

I am blessed to have contributed a few articles about hope, dealing with difficult people, and not judging others based on their appearances. I also have the joy of offering a special excerpt from my book, For All Maternity in this special issue.

It's a beautiful magazine with no ads that you'd be proud to display on your coffee table at home for years to come.  Since it's a quarterly magazine, it's something to collect and share or give as a special gift to someone who loves encouraging words from a Biblical perspective.

This is not your average magazine.  (And I don't make a dime off it if you purchase it.)  I'm genuinely endorsing Everyday Wisdom because I believe in the beauty and truth it can bring into your home.  I know you will find it uplifting and a great resource for Scripture-based advice for many areas of life. Go check it out!

You Know You're a Mother When...

With three children under six, my motherhood currently trumps other aspects of my identity.  I'm cool with this.  I welcome it, truly.  I know that there have been days when the other hats that I wear (wife, counselor, student, sister, friend, writer, etc.) eclipse my parenting, and these moments will come again as my seasons cycle frequently and with much overlap.

a smothered mother is the very best kind

Right now, as I nag my 4-year-old to stop throwing crackers as I type and sort through which burp rag is salvageable until I get a chance to do laundry again, I'm embracing the role that challenges and fulfills me the most:  motherhood.

Maybe you can relate!

You know you're a mother when...

reapplying deodorant constitutes "getting ready for the day"

supper is the bane of your existence

you have more My Little Pony songs stuck in your head than Taylor Swift tunes

Target's Cartwheel app offers you the highest appreciation of your day 

you feel a deep level of success after using the Nosefrida on your infant

running out of paper plates is your recurring nightmare (when you actually get to sleep)

you haven't finished a fresh cup of coffee in one sitting since college

it's not creepy at all to sit and stare at your sleeping child while a million things could get done

you only take selfies when you can't get your kid to sit still enough for the photo you want of them

you have contemplated what it would be like if Handy Manny and Bob the Builder ever met

your dining room table looks more like a Michael's craft store than a Martha Stewart catalog 

locking the bathroom door brings equal amounts of guilt and relief

you've prayed about naps/bedtime/quiet as fervently as if it could prevent global disasters

your [overworked] vacuum understands your daily disdain as well as anyone 

you've said "Please stop _____" at least 800 times today

nothing grosses you out anymore

you have a love/hate relationship with TimeHop which usually leads to weepiness no matter what

you're exhausted, smelly, weepy, happy, frustrated (no, these aren't the seven dwarfs) and wouldn't trade in your life for anything else in the whole world (if you don't feel this way, just wait until about 8pm when the children are asleep and your heart swells up with that crazy love only a mother knows!)

So, I'm 35

Today I turn 35.  Or, as I like to tell people, "If you need advice on being 29, just ask me, I've been 29 for years now." [insert obligatory laugh track here]

I don't understand time.  I hate it, actually, and it makes no sense to me that yesterday I was in one phase of life and today I'm in another.  Yesterday I could check a different box on an assessment form and today I'm upgraded to the 35-40 margin of a census.  Sigh.  Time is dumb.  Time is a temporary restriction reserved to this planet, and my soul is restless in its grip.

But, the getting older part...that I like.  Society might tell me to pick up a wrinkle cream and start cutting back on sugar, sure.  Media compels me to worry about things like retirement funds and cholesterol, fine.  But, as my physical body reminds me I'm no teenager, my mind and spirit charge full-throttle ahead in anticipation of what I have yet to know in this life.

My teenage years were heaped in wonder, doubt, and naiveté.  My twenties were full of adventure and wrought with insecurity. My thirties are officially halfway over and so far it's been a roller coaster of decisions, milestones, and deep rooting.

Most of all, I have found incredible joy in learning what I do not know.  Getting a Masters degree, while a great accomplishment, reminded me that there are realms and realms of introspection and revelation awaiting me as I grow as a person.  I am in awe of anticipating what's left to discover about myself and how God will shape and use that in my time on this earth.

To say this last year has been exceptional would be an understatement in my book.  It's not that long ago that I would have laughed in your face if you told me I would have published a book, received my Masters, and had a baby all in one year! (Yes, I'm exhausted.) With these milestones under my belt, one can't help but reflect and project with some concern "Um, what now, God?"

So, I'm 35 and have no idea what's coming.  We have three children, no jobs, 2 Masters degrees, and our knees are somewhat sore from pleading with God to know what's around the corner.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

At 35, I know much much less than I did when I was 20.  Because today I can calmly, confidently say that I know that there's so much I don't know.  I'm not insecure in this fact.  I'm not fearful or frustrated that there are uncertainties all around me.  Because of all the things I don't know, I know full well and better than ever before that my God has got me in His grip.

Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.  Proverbs 16:3

I can't tell you what the next 35 days hold, let alone the next 35 years.  But, I have 35 years to look back on as a testament of God's faithfulness and provision for me in this life.  As those days grow, I pray my trust in Him grows as well, allowing the wonders and doubts around me to blossom into His promises.

Thank you for my life, Lord.  Wring it dry with Your use.

Vivian's Birth Story

Vivian’s birth story is so different than her sisters’.  We knew since Daphne’s birth that if we were blessed with another child the birth would be a scheduled c-section.  After Matilda’s c-section and Daphne’sattempted VBAC that ended in a c-section, I learned that my body was not meant for vaginal delivery.  I had X-rays taken at a chiropractor a couple years ago that showed a curve in some lower vertebrae that would have made natural delivery impossible for me (which I didn’t know until after Daphne was born, otherwise I wouldn’t have attempted the VBAC!)

When my due date for Vivian came back as August 19^th, we requested the c-section to be scheduled on August 16^th – Josh’s birthday!  While most people don’t want to share their birthday, Josh was ecstatic at the idea and so I prayed my body would nestle that sweet baby until then.  Nearing the birth, our doctor let us know that they don’t usually schedule surgeries on the weekend, but it just so happened that she was going to be on-call for Sunday, August 16^th, so she was able to specially schedule us so that we could keep the date (granted, the baby’s well being was the most important thing in the world to us, but we were thrilled that we could keep the double-birthday dream alive!)

This pregnancy was wonderfully uneventful, but not easy for me.  At 34, I physically felt the difference of four years since my last baby.  I was also not in very good shape, so the additional 30ish pounds that I lumbered around with seemed extra taxing. While this pregnancy was planned for, I think I underestimated the toll it would take on my body while also raising 2 kids, finishing grad school, and working part-time at the mall.  Whew!  I did my utmost to appreciate every jab and kick and hiccup in the womb, knowing this temporary discomfort represented a lifetime of joy to come. 

As with my last two pregnancies, people started asking me if my due date was close when I was only about 20 weeks along.  I carry my babies like a beach ball, so my giant belly often bewildered people, as I would tell them how much longer I had to be pregnant.  I will admit that I’ve always found this part of pregnancy frustrating and hilarious.  I also knew that it was pretty much true since my first baby weighed 8lb. 9oz. and my second was 9lb. 5oz.  Chances were good this was no tiny pipsqueak I was carrying!

The week before Vivian’s birth was precious to me.  I savored little moments with the older girls and sat in the nursery praying over my belly, dreaming of how our family was about to change.  My parents made the big drive from Kansas and the night before the birth we got together with my brother’s family (who also live in Nashville) to have dinner together one last time before the big event.  While they celebrated with Mexican food I enjoyed a Smoothie King smoothie to soothe my pre-surgery tummy.  I couldn’t believe the time had finally arrived.

Knowing I was going to go into surgery within hours was nerve-wracking, no doubt.  Knowing I was going to have a baby was like anticipating the ultimate Christmas. It was super weird to know I was going to meet her soon.  Having gone into spontaneous labor with the previous two, this was a welcome change, but it felt as unnatural as it did peaceful.  I was too giddy about meeting her to really be worried about the surgery itself.  I knew that as uncomfortable as I was being pregnant, my pain would only increase post-partum before it got better.  Still, it was a wonderful change to be able to go to sleep (as restless as it was) and wake up to her birthday.

We woke up early and gathered our things.  The older girls were insistent on saying goodbye to us, even if it meant waking them.  So, even though it was just after 6am, we hugged Matilda and Daphne and bid adieu to our house of four Pardys as we headed for the hospital. 

Since it was Sunday, the hospital was nearly silent when we walked in.  We brought chocolate chip muffins for the nursing staff and quietly filled out paperwork as we put on our wristbands and I changed into the lovely (ha) light blue hospital gown. The nurses were extremely kind and each one of them smiled as we shared in the excitement of our baby girl sharing a birthday with her daddy.  We met the anesthesiologist, a few more nurses, and before we knew it the time had come.

I was rolled into the OR at 9:14am.  Josh was in the hall getting “suited up” in his daddy-hazmat suit, eager to join me.  It took 3 tries to insert the spinal block for the surgery (yes, this is as unpleasant as it sounds), but it wasn’t a surprise to me since my previous epidurals took a few tries as well (thanks lower vertebrae!)  Within seconds, my lower half was completely numb.  Josh came in and sat by my head as the curtain went up in front of our view. 

The tugging and pulling and pushing of a c-section are not without discomfort.  It’s one of the strangest sensations I can explain, being totally coherent and knowing you’re being turned inside out just inches away. We had requested a “family centered cesarean”, and as soon as her head emerged, they announced it was time to drop the curtain.  There was no way I could have prepared myself for what came next.

“Her head is out.  Are you ready to meet your girl?” the doctor asked.  I took a deep breath.  For some reason, when I imagined this scenario, it all felt very distant from me.  I thought about it as if from a third person experience, and only saw the baby as a blurry image. 

But, THERE SHE WAS.  Her little head, held in the hands of the doctor, inches in front of me and coming out of my own body.  It was shocking and beautiful and the most exhilarating moment of my life. The curtain and my giant belly blocked the view of anything disgusting (for which I am grateful, as I was a little hesitant if I could handle seeing anything too gruesome) They slowly “walked the baby out” which means they squeezed her slowly through the incision in order to best mimic a vaginal birth and help the infant squeeze out fluids that may have been ingested in the womb (which naturally occurs in a vaginal birth).  At 9:46am, she was out.

They quickly patted her down, cut the cord, and handed her down to me for immediate skin-to-skin.  Vivian was here.  My girl was here.  She was real and sweet and laying against the outside of my body.  I burst into tears.

Vivian Margot Blessing Pardy was here.  I said her name for the first time to someone other than Josh, and the whole staff starting congratulating us.  Everyone was so joyful; it felt like confetti should fall from the ceiling (apart from the fact that my body was totally opened up on the table, so I’m real glad it didn’t).

This was the first time I got to be the first one to hold my new baby.  In the past, they had always handed the baby to Josh for father skin-to-skin time.  But, this time, this hospital offered to let me hold her first and I jumped at the chance.  It was magical, to say the least, and nothing comes close to that feeling.

I was stitched up and Vivian was weighed and measured.  They transferred me to another bed and minutes later I was holding my precious baby again, getting rolled down the hallway to recovery, ready to show my little love to the world that awaited.  We passed by nurses and doctors and I was filled with so much love and joy that it honestly felt like my own little private parade (if I lived in a musical, this is the part where nurses turn into dancers and the doctor bursts into song).  We made it back to our recovery room where we swooned over our new bundle of joy and gathered our thoughts into words that didn’t hold a candle to the fireworks of feelings we held inside. 

Vivian, you are so loved.  We wanted you before we knew you, and we pray and hope your future holds as much joy as your arrival brought. You are our little blessing, and we know you will bless those who enter your presence.  You’ve already blessed me immensely and I can’t wait to get to know who you are and who you’ll become.  (But, feel free to take your time!)

Welcome, sweet girl.