National Infertility Awareness Week: How to #StartAsking and Support Family Building

I don't know what it's like to receive a diagnosis of infertility. When it took me nearly a year to conceive our first child, my fertility appointment got changed to my first prenatal visit as I found out I was pregnant after months of trying. I don't know how devastating that diagnosis can feel, so I'm not going to act like I can understand what a couple is going through as they learn that news.

Many of you are like me, in the 90% of couples who are able to conceive within a year of trying. But, apart from actually having the babies in our arms, we are exactly like the other 10% of mothers and fathers waiting to hold their precious bundles of joy. We have felt the desire to want an expression of our devotion to raise as our own. We have known the gut-wrenching love inside of us waiting to erupt into the next generation. We understand the soulful yearning that echoes beyond our own purpose into something bigger than ourselves. In this, we are united. We are parents...with babies or without.

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, and it's a silent epidemic on relationships that many are too confused or uncomfortable to address. But, as long as we're all here on this crazy planet together, I think we need to do our best to raise awareness and support for those couples who are holding up love and patience in the wings. If it takes a village to raise a child, then the village helps now and not just after the pregnancy test turns pink.

You probably know someone who has had trouble conceiving or sustaining a pregnancy. Most of us know stories of miraculous conceptions, incredible adoptions, or IVF success. When we know a couple is trying, it can be awkward and difficult to know what to say or how to help. But, many times, we don't know the intimate details of a couple's struggle. Often, as the topic is sensitive and unique for each couple, we simply don't know who may be walking through this tender and challenging season.

RESOLVE.ORG is the website for the National Infertility Association and they've started a campaign to help #StartAsking how to support couples dealing with infertility. There is a myriad of resources and information on the website for couples, family, and friends who want to help with this issue.

Not sure where to start? 

Here's a great List of 25 Things To Say (And Not To Say) To Someone Living With Infertility

You can also learn about Fertility Facts here or Reproductive Facts so that you can educate yourself and build the support you or your friends need through this journey.

While I may not personally know the journey of infertility, it's a topic I study a lot in my research for helping couples and families. I fill in the gaps of my experience with facts and testimonies that help me gain understanding. And I try to empathize as much as possible, using other experiences I've had that remind me what it's like to have dreams crushed or hopes unraveled.

The feeling of disappointment is universal, so you have something to offer to this community even if infertility hasn't been part of your personal narrative. 

Building awesome families is close to my heart, and my own little brood was loved long before I held them in my arms. If you're reading this, you probably relate!

Pray for those couples still waiting in the wings, be sensitive and compassionate, and do what you can to learn more. You never know who God will place in your path that might become part of the incredible village that is raising our next generation.

For those waiting to hold babies... I love you. I might not know who you are, but your patience and strength are incomprehensible. I hope with you. I pray with you. I believe that God has placed a calling on you in this time and season for a purpose greater than anything we can know or feel right now. And I have faith in the Heavenly Father that the beyond-yourself-love that you possess will not go unused. I lay your desires at His feet and I wait with you.

Psalm 130:5 NIV
I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.

UPDATE: Below is a helpful info-graphic made by the team at OvulationCalculator.com who offered it to me to share with you! Check out their website for more helpful tips about #NAIW and how to #StartAsking.

Guest Blog: My First Mom-Friend by Rachel Oliver

Today's post is brought to you by my friend, Rachel.  Check her work in her profile links below!

For the first year of motherhood, I worked part-time. My life was very much immersed in being mom, wife and employee, and I found a great deal of personal satisfaction and even community from my days spent in the office.

Then I left the workforce to stay home full-time, and my life became very isolated.

I had imagined all the fun things my daughter and I would do once I was home full-time, but the reality of her age and our newly-shrunk budget left me home and bored all too often.

Thanks to Netflix and naptime, I caught up on all my favorite television shows and quickly began looking for more. I cried through Army Wives, and found myself becoming jealous of the women depicted with close friends who lived right next door. All of my friends worked or lived 30+ minutes away, making daily or even weekly gatherings a challenge.

That’s when Liz moved in two doors down. With fiery red hair and an outgoing personality, not to mention the fact that she didn’t know another living soul in Denver, we became fast friends.

Our daughters are 10 months apart in age and, while we found activities that they might like, we really enjoyed finding excursions that gave us opportunity to grow our friendship.  We spent time at the indoor mall play area during the cold winter months, would go for early morning stroller walks as the weather warmed, not to mention just popping over for a quick chat or to borrow a  serving of applesauce.

Just shy of a year after moving in, Liz and her family packed up and moved away. Okay, only 20 miles away and we still see each other at least weekly.

But what I learned from the first friend I made as a mom with a mom, was huge.

I learned to step out of my comfort zone. I may have been lonely as a stay-at-home mom but it wasn’t enough to compel me to try new things until Liz came along and invited me to go and do. And even then, sometimes I just wanted to stay home in my PJs; and sometimes that’s just what I did. But when I let go of my reservations, I found that spending time with a friend was refreshing to my soul (not to mention how much better my attitude became).

I learned that to best help my daughter become a good friend, I needed to model healthy friendships to her. My daughter may have only been a year old when Liz and I first met, but the habits I am forming now, including and especially in regards to friendship, will speak to my future relationships and in turn, to hers.

I learned to offer grace to other moms – and to myself. Mom friendships are beautiful and unique, a special type of comradery. They also include distinct challenges: sick kids, meltdowns, and blowouts affect schedules while time together is full of interruptions and the distractions of a wayward toddler. That’s also why they work; moms get other moms.

I learned that mom-friendships are worth getting out of PJs for. Whether I have to walk next door or drive 30 minutes away, friendships with other moms are worth pursuing and being available for.

I’ve been blessed to have many friends over the course of my life: childhood friends, college friends, work friends. Adding mom friends has been a special blessing. By offering grace to each and grace to ourselves, mom-friendships have helped me through life’s good things and hard things, and have made me a better mom, better woman and a better friend.

So what about you – where do you find mom friends?

I'm Rachel. 

Mom to one, trying for two, stuck with a couple crazy dogs and loved by a fabulous guy. I'm a stay-at-home-but-rarely-home mom with a knack for saying "yes" too quickly, especially when it comes to outside commitments and Diet Mountain Dew. 

I blog at rachel+reagan. 

Follow me on Facebook and Twitter.

Not Every Day

Book.  Masters degree.  Baby.

2015 is a big year, to say the least.  I sometimes wonder if I will ever top it, and then I secretly hope I never do...because, guys, it's ridiculous and exhausting.

But, it's not every day that you get a box on your doorstep filled with a dream come true.

Today, I hold in my hands the compilation of a million feelings.  It's a tangible representation of so much for me - hopes, fears, pride, anguish, joy, and the support of countless people I'm forever indebted to for praying for me, believing in me, and cheering me on to the very end.

The best part?  Even though I wrote the last word of this book months and months ago, it's about to be launched into the great unknown for the first time ever!  New eyes, fresh minds, and eager hearts will soon get to dive into the wild frontier of my brain through this paperbound edition of my sweat and tears!

I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO READ IT!

For All Maternity will be available via all major online bookstores, including AMAZON, starting May 1st!  

*For those in the Nashville area, you'll want to mark your calendars for Saturday, May 9th and come on out to Pottery Barn Kids at the Green Hills Mall from 11:30am - 3pm where I'll be holding my very first book signing!  I'd love to take a pic with you, and be sure and sign up for the giveaway in the store!

*For readers in Kansas (my home state!) I'll be having a hometown book signing event at BlueBird Books in downtown Hutchinson, Kansas at 11am on May 16th!  I hope to see many familiar faces and hug those that I'm long overdue to catch up with!

*For everyone else - DON'T WORRY!  You won't miss out on all the fun!  I'll be holding giveaways right HERE on the blog soon enough.  I'll also be offering FREE AUTOGRAPHED BOOKPLATES to anyone interested so you can turn your ordered book into an official "signed copy"no matter where you live!

Starting Friday, order your copies of For All Maternity via Amazon or other online retail source, and then email me at emily@pardymama.com with specifications on personalization and your shipping address so I can send a customized bookplate your way!

Q&A: Therapy For My Friend?

Pardymama,
I have a friend that could probably benefit from going to therapy.  She's going through a difficult time in her life and I feel like my help and advice as a friend has reached it's limit.  How do I encourage her to go see a therapist?

Sincerely,

Frustrated Friend

Dear Frustrated,

For anyone who is wanting someone they know to go to therapy, I have three important words for you:  Go to therapy.  Yes, you.  

If you've never been to therapy before, then this will be a new adventure for you - one which you can take back and share with your friend each week and offer her your experience on the topic of "What's therapy like?"  If you have been to therapy before, then you know it can benefit more than just your own life - it inevitably affects those around you as well.  (If it doesn't, you might consider changing therapists). 

By going to therapy, you can flat-out ask your therapist to offer you some deeper insight into your friendship and how you can encourage your friend throughout this difficult season of her life.  Your steps towards a healthier life might just rub off on your friend and inspire her to take some action as well.  

By sharing your positive experience with therapy with your friend you automatically do two things:  1) diminish the shame and stigma that therapy is solely reserved for those who "have problems" and 2) endorse that getting help is a strength and not a weakness.  You might even offer to go with your friend to therapy if or when she decides to begin that process.

In the meantime, take a deep breath and a step back.  You are not responsible for your friend's process or actions.  You can't fast-forward time, make decisions for her, or burden yourself with things that are beyond your control (or hers).  But, you can pray for her, pray with her, and just SIT with her.  Don't underestimate the power of being present.  Often, the deepest friendships are built more in the silences we share than the words we speak.  You sound like a great friend - sometimes just being present with her is best therapy she could ever get.

Behind the Design

So, now you know the BIG NEWS and you've seen the NEW LOOK!  Hurrah!  Whatcha think?

This blog relaunch would NOT have been possible without the help of three insanely talented people.  At the heart of this process was one creative genius who has blown me away time and again.  Lehua Noëlle Faulkner has such finesse with design.  Her touch is so unique and heartfelt that she makes people like me (who sit on the sidelines drooling and trying not to say the word "Amazing" too many times in one sentence) actually feel like I contribute to the process.

To say I had something to do with this fresh new look would be quite misleading.  I dealt her out a few adjectives and she developed an entire vision behind it.  Her design of the main logo was crafted by Joyce Chai, who specializes in hand lettering.  Yes - that logo above was originally drawn by hand (I know, I'm spoiled).  The crossroads of Joyce and Lehua's work has brought just the right amount of charm and modern feminity that I wanted the new site to convey.  Bravo, ladies!  Thank you!

The third creative force behind this new site is my very own husband, Josh Pardy.  Josh took my photos for the site, and they turned out amazing!  That's awkward and difficult for me to say - since, you know, they are of MY FACE. (Hello!) But, portrait photography is a new angle for his creative strengths, and I'm thrilled with our collaboration.

I make that sound so breezy, right?  Like we just smiled and snapped shots and voila! New headshots.  Welllll, of course I happened to choose the hottest, most HUMID weekend to shoot on and let's just say it was a toss up as to whether my heart or my hair was more cranky.  Two days, three outfits, and four hair styles later...I had a handful of pics I wasn't grimacing at when I looked at them.  THAT, my friends, is reality.

It's a real trooper and a heck of a man who will sit patiently behind the lens of a camera and focus more on the way the light is hitting my face than my overbearing complaints of how my hair won't obey.  I sure love that boy.  Honestly, we had fun with it, and we both gained experience creatively and in our marriage that serves us well in our relationship.  Team Pardy, rock on.

I hope you get a chance to check out the new ABOUT and CONTACT webpages above.  You'll see in the Contact page that I mention a new Q&A series coming up.  From time to time, people tend to randomly ask me about relationships, parenting, or marriage, so I figured it was high time I began channeling those into a new Q&A open to all readers.  The first Q&A will be up tomorrow, so stay tuned!

Classy Gal

Back to School!

Just weeks ago, I crossed a major threshold in my education and met the halfway point in my Masters Degree!  Last night I officially became a "Second Year" student in the Marriage & Family Therapy program, stepping ever closer to my goal.

Whoa.  Guys.  The first night of class is always overwhelming, and last night was no exception.  I've had many "first days of school" and yet it felt like the first time all over again as I held the fire hose - err, I mean Syllabus - and felt my brain numb inside my skull.

Assessments, Exams, Papers, Interviews, Videos, Community engagement, and books upon books of reading to accomplish.  Really?  All of this will get done in the coming weeks?  By me?

Yes. It will.  But, not without your support.  All of you - any of you - who read PARDYMAMA and reach out to me and pray for me and encourage me to no end....we are on the home stretch!  The final year is here!  But, at this very moment I can not imagine it all getting done.  The mountain is before me, and I'm weary, and I'm in awe, and I'm oh-so-curious what is on the other side.

I struggle with the insignificancy of my life/complaints/happenings/problems/issues.  I know that there are insanely unexplainable horrific things happening in the world that are far, far, far more urgent and important than my needs.  I am beyond blessed, and it feels selfish to pray for myself amidst the news that surrounds us all of someone else's pain or persecution.

But, our God is bigger than it all.  God is the God of "heal my friend from a terminal disease" and the same God of "help me not lose my temper with my toddler".  It's bewildering and humbling to me that I can lay my stress at the foot of the cross the same as I can a global crisis.  WHAT?!  Yep, He's the God of it all.  He cares just as much.  My needs are valid, even within the context of this crazy-fallen world full of mystery and evil and challenges that run the whole spectrum.

Do you have a significant need in your personal life that seems too insignificant to ask others to pray for?  I do.  I have many.  And I'm dumbfounded at the reminder of 1 Peter 5:7,

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

Catch that?  ALL your anxiety.  All MY anxiety.  Not just the global crises, the terminal illnesses, the broken relationships, or the catastrophes...but, the stresses of work, the frustrations of motherhood, the never-ending to-do list that keeps you awake at night, and the financial concerns that keep piling up.  All of it.  And this gal is going back to class needing your prayers.

Would you pray for me in this season of crazy?  Can you let me know how I can pray for you?

I can't do this alone, and I knew that going into it.  But, at this very first day of my second year in, I'm overwhelmed with the duties before me.  The next 365ish days are going to push me to the edge, and I want you all there holding my hands, helping me remember why I'm here in the first place and helping me enjoy the view.

Please pray for my ability to maintain healthy boundaries, to be able to keep my priorities and time management reasonable.  Please pray for my family as they endure the brunt of my attention being spread thin, that we can work together toward this goal and grow closer through it again this year.  Please pray for mindfulness for myself, that I can be in the present and maintain a grateful heart amidst the chaos, not wanting to fast-forward through this experience and just skip to the end.  Whew.  Thank you.  THANK YOU.  Your prayers mean the world to me.

Prayer changes things...but more powerfully, prayer changes people.  And, it is such a unique and brilliant privilege to get to communicate directly to our Creator about our specific needs, no matter how great or small.  I would LOVE the privilege to specifically pray for you as well - we're in this TOGETHER after all!  Don't hesitate to shoot me an email with a prayer request.  I promise to lift you up to our great big God who will tackle all our anxieties better than either of us ever could on our own.  

Gonna be a great year - here we go!

Email me: emily@pardymama.com to exchange a prayer request!

One Year Ago...

I'm stressed out.  I'm worried sick.  I'm constantly doubting.  I keep myself awake at night concerned over making ends meet, paying off debt, putting food on the table, keeping my kids alive/well/healthy/happy, and maintaining a faithful front that believes above all else that my God is bigger than it all.  (Anyone relate?)

How far have I fallen?  How short is my memory?  How foolish is my soul?  How flimsy is my courage?  How flailing is my trust?

One year ago today, my family traveled 2,000 on hope, faith, and the prayers of many.  We left the home, friends, and work we knew to start a new life across the country.  We packed up all of our belongings, tearfully hugged goodbye the family that surrounded us, and made the big move from California to Tennessee.

One year ago.

Can you believe it's been a year?  I can't wrap my brain around it.

We didn't have a job.  Really, we didn't even have the prospect of a job.  But, I was enrolled to start grad school last August, so the clock was ticking for us to start planting new roots in a soil rich with mystery.  We had been called to a new life...and God provided.

After a few months of unemployment, living off prayers, credit, savings, and the gifts of many, our prayers changed from "God, provide a job" to "God, thank you for providing what we need, when we need it".   The words of Paul had never seemed so clear:

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.    Philippians 4:12-13

And, God was remarkably faithful, even through our trials of doubt and fear.  He did provide what we needed when we needed it, as He deemed fit, and we are so grateful.  Josh did get a wonderful job, after four months of unemployment, and it couldn't have been more perfect for him.  As we settled into our new state, we look around us and are amazed and bewildered at God's provision in our lives.  These are the moments I am reminded that I simply don't know how people live without Jesus.  I, for one, couldn't have survived it.

Yet, here I am, a stressed out sinner, roaming my own desert like a blasphemous Israelite too shortsighted with inconvenience to remember the Jehovah Jireh that has far from forgotten me.  SOMEONE HIT ME OVER THE HEAD ALREADY!  I'm a spoiled child that's scared of an unknown future, with no record of a past that gives me any evidence to support such fear.

So now, in my disbelief, I turn to the Scriptures of Paul once more:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7

Do you have doubts? Fears? Insecurities?  I know I'm not alone in this.  There are some days that the need overwhelms the faith and I wonder how it could possibly work out.  And then, I remember back a year...just one of the many examples of God's pure, unchanging faithfulness in my life journey that shows me clearly how I am not forgotten, how I'm NOT in control, how this life is not mine for worrying.

Stress has a way of stealing from present joy.  It exacerbates all concerns and burdens me more than reality.  And, the reality is, the truth is that God is bigger.  God is present.  God is able.  GOD IS, so I don't have to be.

Peace and thanksgiving be with you today, friends.  Thank you for your incredible support over the last year as our family has transitioned through so much.  God has great things for His children, and I'm grateful for the vulnerability to share my journey with you - the gift of a growing faith is fragile and often ugly, but I'm blessed to show you an honest heart amidst the doubts, and the unchanging Word of God that proves beyond all reason that God cares.

Whatever your journey today...rejoice.

Health Food

Like it or not, McDonald's and motherhood go together.  Sure, this might make you cringe.  There will be the few moms out there who somehow miraculously and courageously avoid the Golden Arches at all costs and no doubt their children had a healthier lunch than mine.

But, for those of us normies who fess up to defaulting to the Happy Meal when our children are throwing fits and the fridge is scarce...welcome.  You are in good company.


We live about a mile away from a McDonald's with the hugest indoor playland I've ever seen for a fast food restaurant.  It's a giant, plastic, climbing fantasy land for my kids, and completely closed off to the rest of the restaurant so I can feel fine about them screaming their heads off without disturbing the entire universe.  They can roam about freely, check in for the occasional sip from a juice box or nibble of a chicken McNugget, and continue on their way without interrupting (too often) my own lunch.

Yes, they are devouring food that's higher in calories and fat.  They are climbing on slides swarming with germs.  They are loud and obnoxious and not sitting still for a single second.  We're not here for our physical health, certainly (though the playland does work up a good sweat for them).

I'm not here for my health, I'm here for my mental health.  And sometimes it is just totally worth it.

No one is proud to go to McDonald's.  I remember the first time I succumbed to the drive-thru when my girls were very little.  I was stressed out and they were screaming, and instead of dropping everying, heading home, and chopping up carrot sticks, I found myself frantically tossing chicken McNuggets at the backseat and drowning my woes in a large Diet Coke.  Whew.

Literally fell asleep holding a chicken McNugget

I'm over the guilt now.  Maybe it's exhaustion, or laziness, or just the fact that I don't have time or mental space to dedicate to feeling badly about my toddler falling asleep holding a chicken McNugget.  But, meeting friends for a play date at McDonald's provides a different outlet for my mental health that I can live with.  Meeting friends, letting my kids be silly, allowing them a little autonomy and freedom and space, while I can actually finish a meal with limited distraction and even engage in conversations with other grown-ups...well, that's worth a LOT in my book.

Obviously, I'm not promoting a new diet for children that's cheeseburger-centric.  If you can always plan ahead and create home-cooked meals for your kids, that's certainly the best option for food.  But, if you're like me, then mealtimes don't always have to center around the nutritional value (albeit, important) but can extend to the relational value found as well.  While nutritional and relational values don't have to be mutually exclusive - sometimes they are.

All this to say, sometimes I think it's more important to take guilt off the menu than sugar or fat.

So, if you find yourself guilt-ridden in a drive-thru or cringing at the thought of what your toddler might be ingesting for the sake of a few minutes peace...join me in a refreshing sigh of relief knowing that you aren't alone.  Your kids will be okay.  Your kids will still eat vegetables.  Your kids can still grow up knowing the value of time together at the family dinner table.  Your kids won't be totally spoiled.  Your kids are NORMAL.  And, if they make some new friends over a french fries and sweat their way to nap-time in a castle of grime, maybe you can even smile about it.

They don't call it a Happy Meal for nothing.

For a fun feature, here's comedian Jim Gaffigan's bit about McDonald's.  There are few crass moments (I wouldn't watch it with the kids) but, it's great for a laugh.  Enjoy, mamas!

Fiesta!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!  The day of the year we can all guiltlessly stuff ourselves with chips, salsa, tacos, and more while happily blaming it on a holiday we don't know much about.  Hey - any reason to eat more Mexican food sounds great to me!

This year, we stepped up our fiesta planning skills and took on Cinco de Mayo Pardy style!  Well, truly it was Tres de Mayo...but, we ran with the theme and turned it into a housewarming celebration to open our new home up to our family and friends.

Beautiful banner made by my sis-in-law!
Pardy Casa Es Su Casa!

This was an incredible blessing for us, and a real dream come true for me and Josh.  Sure, it was a blast to be able to show off our new digs (we painted this, replaced this, yadda yadda yadda).  But, it blessed us the most to be able to have the space to welcome in multiple people who have brought joy, support, prayers, and new friendships into our lives.

Piñata Time!

Just a year ago, I was starting to pack up boxes in our California apartment and beginning to get the word out that our little family was making the cross-country move to Music City.  Now, here we are, planting roots in our new city and building relationships that will shape our family in our new time and place.  To be able to extend hospitality in a setting that nurtures togetherness, laughter, fun, and community was beyond our wildest imaginations at this point in our journey, and we are so, so grateful!

I'm thrilled to share some fun snapshots from the first Pardy Party in our new home!  I hope it's a start to many more.

I pray our home is a place where everyone feels they can drop by and always count on enjoying good conversation (and most likely good coffee/food/dessert).  I pray when people enter our home they notice the presence of the love of Jesus, that there is something oddly welcoming beyond our own hospitality, and that they can sense a loveliness in the difference that is marked by this divine interference.

I hope you all have a fantastic Cinco de Mayo - gathering with friends around a giant chip bowl and setting new records of hot sauce consumption!  Our fiesta was a big hit, but I ended up making so much food that I think we'll be celebrating taco night until Memorial Day.  Hey, I'm not complaining!

¡Salud!

By the way, want a quick review of what this holiday is actually celebrating?  I found this fun video on History.com that sums it up:

Dog Gone It

So, we maybe, might, possibly, probably, sort of are considering getting a dog.  Before any of you start sending me Cesar Milan books or tell me which Pinterest dog board I should be following, let's all take a step back and just contemplate this decision.  Rather, read my rant about all these pros and cons and feel free to weigh in as you deem necessary.

Whew.  This seems like a big decision to me.  And, it is!  I mean, I understand that owning a pet is a serious commitment that lasts years and years and requires attention, money, and energy...none of which I have a superfluous amount of these days.  But, I also have a new, big, fenced-in yard and two feisty children who would dote on a new creature to play with in their outdoor adventures.

We currently have two indoor cats, though I have never considered our family exclusively "cat people".  It's just that we've lived in apartments forever, so the dog issue has been off the table until now.  And, as I peruse the local shelter websites and the photos of dogs of all kinds...well, there's no denying why they call it "puppy dog eyes" and I start to feel my heart strings tug and can hear Sarah MacLaughlin singing in the back of my head.

Maybe I'm a sucker for cute puppies.  Maybe I'm trying to stave off baby fever.  Maybe I'm trying to justify this new concept of yard-ownership with giving it a full-time resident.  Or, maybe I just like the idea of giving my girls exposure to the friendship, responsibility, and life-cycle of what it means to care for another.  As you can see, there is most likely some dog somewhere inevitably waiting to become a Pardy.

But, here's something else for us all to ponder...

As I've asked around to friends, family, strangers, shelter-owners, etc. for their insight and advice for dog ownership, one common sentiment has been expressed again and again and again:  It's a lot of work.

My initial thought is "Um, you know I keep two humans alive, right?"  Sure, I know that kids are different from dogs.  And, I'm not insulted by the remark at all.  As condescending as it may sound, I totally understand that pet owners genuinely want to convey the importance of the commitment being made, and that real life with a dog looks differently than the Pedigree dog food commercials make it out to be.

The "lots of work" comment has been followed up by several pieces of [albeit, very welcome] advice regarding what kind of dog to get.  I want this information.  I've asked for it, and I am interested in continuing to research different breeds/mixes and meet a variety of dogs before landing on a fit for our family.  However, it made me laugh out loud when I considered this notion concerning a human baby.

What if I had asked "We're thinking about having another baby - parents, weigh in!  What do you think?"  If you consider the same depth of concern regarding the answers I might get, it might look something like this:
Another baby would be cute, but be sure you get one that sleeps through the night!
Yes - but, get one already potty trained.
Don't do it!  They are so much work and you already have a full plate. 
What if it bites your children?  That's hard to discipline.

What if it grows up to be ugly?

What if it becomes sick later and needs extensive care or attention?

Be sure you don't get one that talks too much.
Remember, the bigger the baby, the bigger the poop.
What will you do with it if you want to take a vacation?
What if your girls don't like the new baby?

All valid considerations!  Ha.  But no one would EVER tell me those things regarding a baby.  And, as we all know, not all pregnancies are considered this much prior to their arrival.  Let's face it, surprises do happen!  Can you imagine if pet ownership happened that way?  What if you got a letter in the mail today that said:
Congratulations!  You've been selected to get a new dog in 6 months!  Get ready now - you will need food, water, and many veterinary bills to prepare for.  You can register at PetSmart to be sure you get the supplies you need.  There's no telling if this is a good dog or not, but you will definitely be stuck with it for a very long time.  It might keep you up at night, but it will probably love you very much.  Good luck!

It's a strange world we live in.  It's a luxury for us to even get to consider rescuing a dog and calling it our own.  Maybe we will get one soon and it will be a terrible fit.  Maybe we will wait and get one later and it will be a perfect match.  Or maybe, we'll just do the best we can and figure it out as we go and keep asking for advice and prayer along the way!

One thing is for certain...I'm glad and thankful I didn't get this much input when it came to picking out my kids.  [Thanks, God!] Yes, I would rather have a child who sleeps every night through the night and always remembers to thank me when I feed her.  But, then, she wouldn't be who she is without her spunky spontaneity and charisma for sass.

I have a feeling that if/when we get a dog, it will imperfectly fit into our imperfect family just fine.

*If you have dog advice, please feel free to weigh in!  Just because we're crazy doesn't mean we're ignorant.  

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

This last weekend, I finally got around to doing something I've wanted to do for the past several weeks:  make cookies for my new neighbors.  Ever since closing on our new house just over a month ago, we've been fiddling and dilly-dallying about our home like little squirrels preparing for winter.  Fix this, repair that, paint here, unpack there, and so forth.   I'm sure our neighbors have been wide-eyed at their windows a bit, wondering just who we are and what we're up to.

I'm not used to neighborhoods.  I grew up on a farm in the middle of Kansas, where our closest "neighbor" was a couple miles away and I only saw them if they needed to borrow a tractor or let us into their cellar for a tornado (no, I'm not kidding).  Needless to say, I didn't grow up with that "Wonder Years" experience of riding bikes until the street lights came on or strolling down sidewalks on my way home from school.  

Since then, I've either lived in dorms or apartments, and while we've experienced community throughout the years, this is our first true neighborhood that we can call our own.  Yay for neighbors!

I wasn't exactly sure how to get to know my neighbors.  I've officially met a few of them as we got our mail at the same time or arrived in our drive ways coming and going.  But, there were still many houses on our block that I had yet to see whom lived inside.  I wanted them to know that the new residents of this little house were happy and loud, and obliged to offer an extra egg or cup of sugar should the need arise.

So, we made cookies!  I figured, at worst, I'd rather be known as "that lady with the loud kids who once brought us cookies" than anything else they could come up with from witnessing me from afar.  What could we lose?  It might be awkward and uncomfortable, but at least they would know we tried to make an effort and introduce ourselves.

Most people weren't home.  We walked around on a beautiful Saturday, knocking, and eventually leaving a ziploc'd plate of cookies tagged with our "Happy to be in the neighborhood" slogan written on top.  We did meet a few new people, who informed us of their joy of living in the neighborhood.  We were also thrilled to find out that a total of three police officers live within a block of our house, which made us feel all the more safe living in our cozy nook.

And, then, we walked up to our elderly neighbors with whom we very nearly share a yard.  While our yard is fully fenced, on one side of it it slopes up to another yard which we both have clear views of from our homes.  I had met the wife who lived their, and she was quite happy to meet us and our little girls, glad to see someone using the yard with such jubilant delight.

There were a few people standing outside the home as we approached with our cookie-giving entourage, and we noticed an unusual amount of cars in the driveway.  My first thought was, "Oh, how nice to have people over on such a lovely day!  I hope they like the cookies!" which quickly turned to sadness as I got closer.  The elderly husband had passed away that same morning, just hours before.  

We politely handed over our feeble plate of cookies and sent our prayers and sympathies to the family as we left.  My goodness, it was such a shock, we were so very sorry for disturbing the moment.  Nevertheless, I was grateful to know of the news and glad we could offer our condolences. 

You just never know who you will touch, what timing might be set up before you, or exactly why you might be prompted to take action.  I had meant to deliver those cookies weeks before, but if I had, maybe I would have never known about our neighbor mourning.  And, what if I never bothered to introduce our family at all?  Who knows how those little cookies might be used...but, at least that morning they made a difference to one family, no matter how little a piece of distraction or joy it may have brought.

Later that day, while I was out running errands, the sweet neighbor lady came out to the yard and spoke with Josh, thanking us for the neighborly token.  I sure hope this is only the beginning of how we integrate ourselves into this little neighborhood.  It might be a long time before we get to know everyone, but it only took a morning for us to let everyone know a little bit about us.  

Sure, years ago it used to be common for neighborhoods to be the one to bring cookies to the "new kids on the block", but we just don't live in that era anymore.  I'm thrilled to flip the tables and take the opportunity to reach out and see what happens.  Yep, it was awkward.  Yep, it took time and energy.  But, I'm thankful God prompted my heart to take that step outside my comfort zone and privileged to have witnessed the difference it made already.

It was a good reminder to me that sometimes you don't need to wait for an invitation...you just need to step out. The truth is, you just never know who might need a cookie. 

The Myth of Balance

Like many children, my girls love playing with blocks.  Well, not so much blocks as a leftover Jenga game that went unplayed for years until they discovered it in the back of a closet one day and deemed it "Castle Maker game".

They start slowly and diligently, teetering and tottering their blocks on top of one another to construct pony palaces and Barbie mansions until, inevitably, one of the blocks shifts (or gets nimbly knocked by her sister) and the whole shebang come crashing down.

This is how I feel about every day as a mother.  This is the myth of balance.

People use the term "balance" like it's the new "amazing".  It's the little black dress of motherhood vocabulary, and if you can't find it then you must be doing something wrong.  You either need to relax more, or get more motivated.  You need to wake up earlier or get more sleep.  You need to work out more, or slow down and have a glass of wine.  Yo
u need to get out of the house, or you need to stay in for once.

We buy into the notion that "You're right.  If I just did _____ then I could settle into a routine and this whole thing would click together like a puzzle and I'd be able to calmly enjoy the whole picture in the present like I'm supposed to!"

But, we aren't playing with puzzle pieces - we're playing with blocks.  And what we want so earnestly to be a perfect fit that has the security of a concrete foundation, often comes tumbling down around us in the form of disobedient kids, play dates that cancel, cars that breakdown, jobs that fall through, relationships that disappoint us, or whole myriad of other unpredictable life events.

Balance is not found.  Balance is created.

So, how do we "create" this balance?  How can I possibly find peace or calm in the middle of a toddler's screaming tantrum?  What in the world am I supposed to do when I feel like a failure for bribing my child to take a nap or eat her broccoli?

I used to wake up almost every day thinking Either my children are worse children than any other children on the planet, or I'm a worse mother for not being able to handle them.  I am challenged minute-after-minute by motherhood, and I would berate and frustrate myself for not being able to get a grip on balancing it all.

Until I realized...every mother in the universe feels the same way.  Each one of our children have their challenges.  Every day there are times we would like to reverse time and redo the way we yelled at our toddler or overreacted towards their actions or something we snapped at someone else because we were simply at the end of our rope.  Ladies - you are in good company.  You are not alone!

We create balance by SPEAKING OUT.  We create balance by BEING HONEST, with ourselves and with each other.  We create balance by counter-weighting the expectations we have for our lives with the reality that doing the best we can is more than ENOUGH.

I don't know about you, but feeling guilty sucks.  It literally shuts me down emotionally when I already am exhausted by the practical things in life like making snacks and reading storybooks.  I have no extra energy to extend to feeling guilty when I turn on Netflix for my kids instead of reading to them.  I am simply too spent to pour into feelings of shame when I buy my kid a Happy Meal instead of sauteeing vegetables they will throw on the floor.

My energy is better spent elsewhere.  My energy is a precious commodity.  My energy is a limited gift that needs to be managed with the same gentleness with which I extend my friendship, time, and love.  And I'm so ready to use some of this energy to stir up some TRUTH and project it out into your hearts and minds to ponder and absorb.

The myth of balance can be truly detrimental to a mother's heart.  In the midst of such a beautiful and challenging season of life, I want you invite you to release with me the burden of balance.  Together, we can strike an honest chord of friendship and expose the myth for what it is.  Let's reach out to each other, share our stories, and sincerely create balance in our lives that encourages meaning, purpose, and perseverance in these young days of motherhood.

C'mon, mamas.  Let's build each other up with these building blocks of truth.  With enough of them, we might finally have a foundation to help change the world.

Guest Blog: An Open Letter to Mothers of Toddlers (The Crazy Kind)

Today's GUEST BLOG is written by a good friend of mine, Stephanie. Not only is she an incredible writer, but she is a mama of four! You can follow her talent at A Wide Mercy and visit her Facebook Page to keep up with what's new.

Dear Mother of a Crazy Toddler,

I swear, it's not you. And it does get easier.

It took me a while to have kids. My husband and I were married just out of college, but my husband traveled for work, and we put off children for a while. When we were ready, I had the shock of my life when I realized most of what I learned in high school health class was a scare tactic, and it's actually NOT that easy to get pregnant. A year later I had a miscarriage that shattered my heart. A year after THAT, I found out I was pregnant. Thirty nine long weeks, twelve hours of labor, and one emergency c-section later, I was finally a mother.

My son, for whom I'd dreamed and cried and waited, was finally here.

Eighteen months later, his little brother surprised us all.

All of that to say, I wanted to be a mother. I waited to be a mother. I cried and prayed to be a mother. And when I finally got to be a mother, I was in waaaayy over my head.

All toddlers are busy. It's the nature of the beast. Their little minds are absorbing the world, one handful at a time, just as they are meant to do. But one of my sons was the crazy kind of toddler.  

When he was eleven months old he broke an "indestructible" outlet, pushed aside the plug, and was digging wires out of the wall when I found him (which was probably ninety seconds after I'd left the room).  

When he was three he woke up before dawn, scaled the kitchen cabinets while we were all asleep, and ate half a bottle of Tums. He has played in lighter fluid, been trapped inside a kitchen stool (his grandpa sawed him out while his grandma was on the phone with 911), and jumped headlong into a swimming pool after taking off his life jacket, when he couldn't swim. I used to point out danger to him, but when I realized adventure glinted in his eye any time he said, "I could DIE," I stopped using those words.

For three years my daily goal was to keep them both alive. I still can't believe we made it.

At the time, I wondered what I was doing wrong. Like Emily, I wondered, "Is it like this for everyone?" The answer to that question is no. Not all toddlers are the crazy kind. Some sit and look at books while their mother takes a shower. Some potty train under two years old. Some even know how to use a napkin.

Just not mine.

What I know now, that I didn't know then, is that those crazy toddlers grow. Their strengths become an integral part of your family. Mine is now a little boy. He loves stories of any kind, and will listen to me read until my voice is tired. He is compassionate, noticing how others feel and running ahead to give what they need before they ask for it.  He is emotional and affectionate, and he has a surprisingly developed sense of humor for his age.  

He still pushes every boundary in life, always testing the edges. My pediatrician once said, "He'll either be a CEO or run a meth lab, and nothing in between." I'm afraid she's right. But every day I thank God for bringing me two little boys in two years, and for the richness that once crazy toddler brings to our family.

When your kids are babies, you don't know them yet. You love them, but you don't yet know who they are going to be. Your whole life is about their development. You are running behind them at a pace that feels almost inhuman, chopping food onto plastic plates and changing diapers and averting the next catastrophe, all day long. At night you crash into bed, fall into a dreamless sleep, and wake up six hours later to do it all again. Every. single. day.

Hang in there, Moms of Crazy Toddlers. In a few years you will get to see who they are really going to be. Their development will slow to a breathable pace, and life will be about more than just keeping your kids alive another day.

You may even decide to do it all again. I have four children now, but I still say the toddler years with my oldest two have been the most strenuous in parenting. With my second round of babies and toddlers, I know that I don't know them yet, and that toddler development is exhausting. I know that pretty soon, they will be kids, and we will talk about more than nap time and "no's." And maybe, just maybe, one of them will be the "sit and read" type.  

After all, I've had my crazy toddler. I'm bound to get an easy one eventually, right?

Big Week

Deep siiiiigh.  This week feels overwhelming, and it's only Monday.

write, write, write, write, write

It's all good stuff - Josh starts his new job tomorrow, I have some meetings set up for for pursuing my Marriage & Family Therapy Practicum for the Spring, and I have a couple massive school projects due very soon that I'm wringing out my brain for.  Write, write, write, write, write. Bible Study, play dates, and coordinating child care on top of everything, I'm already looking forward to next Monday when I feel like I will finally have reasonable opportunity to go to bed at a normal-ish hour.

Ever have weeks like this?  When you feel bogged down before the chaos even gets rolling?  When you feel like you're catching up before you've even started?  That's how I feel right now.

These are such great "problems" keeping me awake and working at night, that it's frustrating just to feel frustrated.  I am loving everything that is happening right now...I just want to do a great job at ALL of it...and oh yeah, somehow there are still dishes and laundry and meals to manage.  Somehow I want to keep writing a blog and reaching out to you all as much as I can.  Somehow I need to find time to not only hug my daughters, but look them in the eye and sing silly songs.

There's a big week full of craziness ahead, and I'm so thankful I have a community to help me get through it.  YOU are part of that community!  Just reaching out and talking to you all is such an inspirational tool for me to keep going - this grad school thing isn't gonna just happen on its own, and every time I think about having a new story, reason, or lesson to tell you all, I'm motivated to charge on.

How do you stay motivated when you're feeling overwhelmed?

Sometimes, I just need a moment to recharge.  So often I think I have no time to stop and write.  Too many times I have excuses (good ones!) to abandon my calling or to avoid the challenging route.  I'm tempted just like many to take the easy way and let go of all the "optional"things in my life.  Blog, school, Bible Study, play dates...these are all options that I make for myself, to connect and grow - not just to fill up time in a boring day.  I'm so thankful for these options, and I'm grateful to how they are stretching me and forcing me to depend on God and friends like never before.

Here we go, big-week-ahead.  Life doesn't seem to be slowing down anytime soon.  I'm about to find out if there is enough prayer (and coffee) to see me through.  [There is.]

TBT: Crazy Pills

Today's TBT post is from April 2012...

Pretty often, maybe even daily, my husband and I will be watching our children, blinking hard past our exhaustion and find ourselves once again asking the same question we asked the day before: How do people do this every day?

Parenthood, that is. I mean, is it this hard for everyone? Are all parents just sitting in a daze all wondering if everyone else is wondering if it is this hard for them too?

The other Sunday, we were once again in the "wiggle room" with Daphne (8 mo) while Matilda ran amuck in nursery for the morning. While everyone pretty much keeps to themselves quietly, trying to absorb the lovely church service through the 45" plasma hanging on the wall, one can't help but observe others and their children. There was a sweet nearly-2-year-old girl just playing quietly while her mother nursed a new baby. They looked happy, well-rested and calm. Were they thinking the same thing about me?

I ran into the same mother in the restroom later, as we both changed our baby's diapers, and we quickly exchanged the names, age and birth experiences of our new daughters. Even though, by the end of our sharing, I found myself envious of her 1-hour labor story and sleeping-through-the-night 7 week-old (are you freaking kidding me?)...I still shared a mutual sympathy for her efforts. I think there is always an understood sentiment felt between women once they are ushered into the club of motherhood, and I felt that for her in this moment. That, even though I wanted to shout "You have it so easy!" I still could see the frazzled look in her eye, the worry in the tightness of her lips, and the nervousness in the intensity of her grip on her new baby that told me - she is still struggling to do the best she can just like me.

My children sleep so little that you would seriously

think I was filling their bottles with coffee.

We parted ways a bit awkwardly (as many encounters in the restroom can be) and I could tell I was headed in a different direction than she was. I didn't know how to end this conversation that went from "Aw, cute baby" to "how far were you dilated" in split seconds and now was curiously making its way back to normal-people-status. Uhhh. I wanted to say "It gets easier!" and leave her with one sturdy ounce of encouragement to make it through the next hour...but, literally, in that moment, I thought Does it? Does it get easier? I don't want to lie to this poor soul! It gets different, but so far it does not get easier! So, instead, as I was walking out the door, I turned awkwardly and just said "By the way, you look really great!" The end.

Yes, this was my awkward encounter with a strange new mother in a church restroom. But, you know what? She smiled. Mission accomplished. The next time you see a new mother in a frazzled state or looking discouraged...don't tell her it gets easier. Don't tell her to enjoy the moment or nap when the baby naps. Just tell her she looks fantastic and walk away. We need that. It's probably the one thing you could say that doesn't get old hearing.

So, this whole parenting thing - will it get easier? Let me narrow down what I'm talking about: exhaustion. Lack of sleep. Life progressing around you in a blur of picking up toys and cleaning spit-up. Surviving in warp-speed of tripping over laundry and get yet another meal on the table. Being. Tired. All. The. Time.

Am I taking crazy pills? Am I the only mother who is sitting here thinking "I really don't think other people understand"? Surely, not. So, then, are their children equally crazy? Do their children incessantly yell at them and demand their attention until it ends in a fit of rage and tantrum kicking? And then, of course, the next SECOND later the same children are smiling and saying "I love you mom-mom" and asking to read Cinderella again and SUCKING you back into that deep vortex of love that makes you want to buy them ponies and make home-baked-masterpieces that you only drool over via pinterest???

I see posts all the time of moms complaining/venting about how their kid won't sleep or eat or behave, etc. But then, I read further and find out that their baby woke up once during their 3 hour nap...and my head spins at the thought of having such a luxurious amount of time to fill with whatever I might choose. My children sleep so little that you would seriously think I was filling their bottles with coffee. Sigh. So, does that mom understand me? Does she look at me and envy that my toddler will eat her green beans? Does she read my posts and think "this crazy loon doesn't know how hard my life is!"?

Yes. Yes to it all. We are all taking crazy pills.

We are all exhausted in some area of parenthood somewhere, I just have to believe that. We are all trying to raise productive little souls that will be kind and grow up to make their own nutritious breakfast every day and not become serial killers who won't remember when Mother's Day is. We all wear clothes we have to wash and eat food we have to fix. We all work jobs that don't pay enough and drive cars that break down too much. We all have friends who we don't deserve, both good and bad. We all have crazy families who offer terrible advice and not enough help. We all are fighting The Man, the traffic and bad breath.

We will make it.

It may take a lot of coffee, even more prayer, and a crazy lady in the church bathroom telling us we look great to get us through one more day...but we will. We are parents. We are awesome.

Now, take two more crazy pills and call me in the morning. Cause trust me...I understand.

Nature

The other day, a new friend of mine asked if I'd like to meet up to go hiking early one morning.  Immediately, I dismissed the idea, thinking to myself "Oh, I'm NOT a hiker and I'm NOT a morning person".

Then, I thought about it for a second.  The timing would be great - up and gone before anyone else even woke up in the house.  Cool morning air, a little huffing and puffing in the middle of nature, soaking up the bright new day.  Hmm, maybe this did sound appealing.  Who am I to label myself with such stringent restriction?

Maybe every day hikers wouldn't consider me a hiker - but, couldn't I hike?  Maybe every day early risers wouldn't call me a morning person - but, couldn't I get up early and enjoy it?  You bet!

I freely admitted to my friend my novice-status and soon enough, it was Saturday morning and I was lacing up my sneakers before dawn.  Being out in nature - dirt, rocks, trees, birds - was even better than I remember.  The two-and-a-half mile hike went by super quickly, as good company and getting-to-know-you conversation betters any experience in my book.  But, I never would have done it if 1) I wasn't invited and 2) I stepped outside my box.

It's not really in our nature to step outside our comfort zones as humans.  We get comfortable and settled into our routines and perspectives; and, normal life doesn't offer enough opportunities to push us much beyond our boundaries.

It wasn't in my nature to get out and enjoy nature.  Maybe it's one of those nature-versus-nurture moments where we have to stop and nurture ourselves towards going against our normal flow.  It wasn't a big deal - so what, I got up early and hiked a few hills? - but, it was enough to remind me how important it is for me to do things like that.  Do things that I don't consider "me".  

What can you do this week to step out of your nature?  

How can you redefine labels you may have placed on yourself?

I probably won't turn into a nature-loving-every-day-hiker any time soon.  I definitely want to get out there more often and appreciate the air and land that God created that I so rarely stop to observe.  But, no matter what, I want to be intentional about always trying new things, always stretching the boundaries of my self-labeled-box just enough to explore new aspects of who I am.

It might not be in our nature to lean towards the uncomfortable, but we all have the ability to nurture each other; whether that's reaching out to new friends, encouraging new adventures, or exploring the nature of God through the creation that's all around us.

TBT: Non-Parents Just Don't Understand

*In the spirit of TBT (Throw-Back-Thursday) - I thought it would be fun to start something new on Thursdays and re-issue some of my more popular posts.  This gem is from March 2012 (ala "back when I had bangs") and I hope you enjoy it!



I love my kid-free friends, I really do. In fact, now that I'm a parent, maybe I sometimes like them even more than my friends who have kids. Okay, easy now, maybe not "more"...but, you have to admit that there are some days when the last thing you want to hear about is how someone else's kid threw up on them or how nap time was a total train wreck again, etc.

I mean, it is only natural to seek out friendship with fellow parents (fellow caffeine addicts) and partner together in sharing the ups and downs of this new job that epically transformed both your lives - to commiserate together and compare notes on which vegetable your kid isn't eating, pat each other on the back for making it through another sleepless night, and even (dare I say) ask advice when you are surely at the end of your rope and none of the ten books on your nightstand seem to hold the answer of how to get your toddler potty trained. We need each other, no doubt.

But, sometimes, once in a while, it is nice to sit across from someone completely outside of my new peer group and stare into their lives. Work. Dating. Drama. Freedom. Talking with a non-parent friend can be as good as a rerun of Felicity and a bowl of popcorn. It helps me vicariously get a taste of those long lost chapters of my life that I now view with such optimism.

Of course, at the time, drama with a boyfriend or a new conflict on the job with a co-worker was ten times more miserable than the worst day I can imagine with my babies at home (well, maybe not ten times). But, when I was able to be more central to the focus of my own attention, everything around me seemed to hold so much weight. And now - well, if it doesn't effect my kids, then it probably doesn't bother me. Honestly, give me a secure and protected nap time for my toddler, get my baby to eat her rice cereal gruel, and I'm a happy camper for the most part (sleep-deprived, but happy). This is all to say - I love my non-parent friends. They bring me joy and cheerfulness (and sometimes dinner!) and an appreciation of the memories I hold for that time in my life.

Before I had kids, I would have considered myself one of those women who was pretty accurate on my expectations of parenthood. I suppose this makes up about 99% of pregnant women out there. But, oh how there is a vast canyon (a gorge) between what you think you expect...and reality.

I truly had everything going for me - I had 7 nephews and nieces, I had been a nanny throughout the years in my twenties. I had even been the caretaker of premie newborn twins overnight. Yes, there were some things that I totally understood and could anticipate. Other gaps in my knowledge I attempted to fill with books, doctor's visits, even a twelve-week birthing class with my husband. That is to say, if there was a way to get my hands on a piece of knowledge in preparation for parenthood, I found it, swallowed it, and digested it until I was sick (or was that just morning sickness?)

Still, it wasn't until we brought that bundle of joy home with us that we began to fully be able to answer the question that was truly on our minds for the full nine-month journey leading up to it: What the heck do you do all day with a baby?

Oh, sweet, naive, free-as-a-little-bird non-parents. Nothing can prepare you for this answer. The unpredictability of every day since bringing home that baby has only grown - much like the baby herself! I won't drone on and on about how we fill each and every hour (otherwise, what would I have to write about next week?) But, rather, I'd like to submit the following letter...a letter to the parent-friends I knew, back when I was that same non-parent friend coming by to gab about my latest drama...

Dear Parent-Friends of my past,
I had no idea what hard workers you are! Oh my. I have greatly underestimated your day, your endurance, your sheer fortitude in perseverance. I'm sorry that I would get frustrated when you would interrupt our conversations on the phone to tend to your kids. I'm sorry it was super annoying to me that you would alter between baby-talking to your child and then turn to me with a half-listening ear as if there wasn't a kid screaming at you. 

I'm sorry I didn't help you fold laundry or do dishes when I came over for dinner. I'm sorry that I would sit and watch TV while you put your kids to bed and I wouldn't even pause the show for you until you came back into the room - and little did I know you were trying to do the speedy-to-bed version of their favorite storybook just so you could spend a few more minutes with me. I'm sorry that I would talk on and on about myself and my life drama and expect you to give me a complete analysis full of sound advice, while I wouldn't even bother to ask you how your day was...or, if I did, I would roll my eyes as if your story about your child losing a library book or not getting their nap was of lesser importance than my "real" issues. 

I'm sorry that I didn't offer to babysit more often and for free and without expectation. Did I tell you that I value looking at your life and your marriage as a wonderful example? I'm sorry I didn't support you more tangibly, especially in exchange for all the words of wisdom you freely offered me. I'm sorry I didn't appreciate what you did all day. I'm sorry that I actually thought you had one of the easiest jobs simply because you didn't leave the house all that often. I'm sorry I didn't realize you didn't leave the house all that often because it would take half an army to get you out the door on time - and I'm sorry I would get annoyed when you did arrive late if we met at my place instead. 

I'm sorry I didn't bring the outside world to you more often. I'm sorry I didn't ask you more intelligent questions...that simply because I saw you sing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" 8,000 times to your child at bath time I figured you wouldn't be the person to ask about the latest crisis in Africa or what a certain Scripture meant. I'm sorry I didn't think of you as an equal breadwinner in your home simply because your husband has an "employer". 

I'm sorry I didn't play more fervently with your children when I came over so that they would sleep better for you that night - because, there I was thinking I knew what exhaustion was since I had stayed up talking with my friends all night. I'm sorry I feared for your style when you would meet me at the door in pajama bottoms. I totally judged you and thought you were being lazy. I'm sorry if I made you feel worse just by showing you how cute my new manicure was. I'm sorry I didn't send you out for a manicure, right there in your pajama bottoms. 

I'm sorry I didn't realize what a triumph you were doing with your kids - really, truly, stellar work. They are kind and funny kids and I actually like them a lot, and their clothes almost always matched alright. That was all you - making sure they were polite and in order - and there I was thinking the whole time it might be sort of nice to have a kid someday if they came out like that - easy, polite, and matching and all. 

I'm sorry I waited until now to tell you that you are a huge reason I decided to have children at all - and I think of you every time, every day, when I question whether or not I'm actually fit to be the person in charge of these little humans who teeter on the brink of outsmarting me by the hour. 

Thanks for humoring me and encouraging me and inspiring me. Thanks for feeding me and making time for me and offering me a glimpse into a future that I can now be confident in living out. I hope I can extend the same amount of grace and wisdom (even an ounce?) to the non-parent friends I now have (Lord Bless 'em).

In all sincerity,
Emily

MOPS Giveaway!

Being a mom is crazy hard.  Ridiculously hard.  Way-harder-than-any-of-us-ever-thought hard.

But, you know what makes it even harder?  When we think we see moms who have it all together, who are doing it "better" than us, or who have way cuter Instagram pics when we can't even get our kids to keep their eyes open for the flash.  Ugh.

Being a mom is hard enough that living in a world where someone is Pinteresting their latest mega-DIY-birthday might make us "real moms" all wanna go jump off a cliff.  Seriously.

I don't know about you, but my best defense to feeling like a total mom-fail is meeting other moms.  I don't mean just reading blogs (though, THANK YOU) or texting, or diving into Pinterest over nap time.  No, no, no.  I mean real life contact with another grown up human female who has procreated.  That's right - connecting with other moms.

Moms.  Yes, I'm talking to you/us.  We need to GET OUT.  We need to meet each other.  And, while the blogosphere can get us FAR in the middle of a spit-up-covered, laundry-overloaded, don't-even-care-what's-for-dinner kind of day...it takes genuine contact to ultimately interrupt our Disney-channel-consuming lives.  (Seriously, I need another Veggie Tales singalong like I need a hole in the head.)

SO, let's break out of our bubbles this week!  Let's put a date on the calendar to meet up with another mom - if only to commiserate and high five!  We are survivors - every day tackling the mundane with the same wanna-be enthusiasm of a revival preacher.  We need each other, and if we don't get out there and encourage one another, then we're just as guilty of neglecting friendship as we are neglecting shaving our legs (a scary reality for some of us, right?)

Have you heard about MOPS?  MOPS is one amazing way to connect, and chances are good it is in your neighborhood.  There are MOPS groups all over the USA!  Check out their blog for gobs of info on meeting up with other moms and getting all kinds of tips and advice on parenting youngsters.

I am a big supporter of MOPS, and today, I'm so excited to be giving away a ONE YEAR MOPS MEMBERSHIP to a lucky reader!

How do you get it???  Well, for the next few days, (deadline is September 8th) all you have to do is CAPTION THE PHOTO BELOW!

I hope you laugh at the photo captions I've put on the other photos in today's blog (LOL here) and I'm looking for a silly and original caption for the photo above that every mom can relate to.  C'mon - we all need more humor in our day!

You can tweet me the caption @pardymama or email it to emily@pardymama.com or just post it in the comment space below.  I'll be checking out your captions and choosing my favorite to award the MOPS MEMBERSHIP!!!

Let's hear it for the moms!  Yay!