Separating the Man from the Myth: Why It's Okay to Love Cliff Huxtable

Like the rest of you, I've been shocked, saddened, and totally in denial of the allegations regarding Bill Cosby that are flooding the media everywhere.  I can't bear to pick up that new People magazine or read any more articles about the 21 (and counting) women who have come forward with horrific accounts.  It makes me sick to my stomach, and not because I know Bill Cosby at all.

But, all I desperately want is for someone to stand up and say "It's okay to still love Cliff Huxtable!" So, that's what I'm doing now.

I don't know Mr. Cosby.  I got to see him perform once, years ago, at the Orange County State Fair.  It was silly, nostalgic, and kind of surreal to see such a legend create comedy out of thin air.  But, beyond the occasional TV interview, I know nothing of the man himself.  To me, Bill Cosby is the myth - unknown, distant, and now completely unrelatable.  I don't know him.

But, I know Cliff Huxtable.  I've seen every episode of The Cosby Show multiple times, like many of you, and I vividly remember wiping tears off my cheeks when I watched the finale on TV.

Cliff Huxtable was kind, brilliant, hilarious, respectful, responsible, and would be completely disgusted at the despicable acts that Mr. Cosby is being accused of.  It would sicken him.  It would make him sit his five children down and discuss the importance of integrity in this mess-of-a-world.

Cliff Huxtable is NOT Bill Cosby.  Cliff Huxtable is the man.  A good man.  The man who brought laughter and truth into my heart and home every week of my childhood.  The man who loved his wife with humor and grace.  The man who taught his children how to make the world a better, safer place.

The Huxtable family didn't just teach me about family dynamics, it taught me about diversity and gender equality.  See, I grew up on a farm in the middle of Kansas.  I went to a high school of 98 kids and graduated with a class size of 16.  (Did I mention this was a public high school comprised of three neighboring towns?)

The reality of growing up like this is that I didn't get to know anyone who wasn't white until college.  (I know - it's even hard for me to believe.)  And almost all the moms I knew didn't work outside the home.  But, because I grew up in a home where love, equality, and integrity were held in high value, I didn't bat an eye when I welcomed the Huxtables into our living room each week.  The Huxtables weren't an "impressive African-American family with a working mother and father" - they were just a family!  They set a norm for me - and an expectation that a "healthy family" can look a lot of different ways.

These truths, these positive memories, these endearing and nostalgic attachments I hold to the television show have nothing to do with the reality of Mr. Cosby today.  Nothing can take that away from me, or you, or our children who might watch reruns with us in the future.  And while I fiercely cringe at the horrifying thought of what may have gone on behind the scenes of his personal life, I refuse to let the headlines strip me away the virtues of the Huxtable family.  You don't get to do that, Mr. Cosby, you can't take that away from us.

So, if no one else is saying it - I'm saying it:  I love Cliff Huxtable.  And when I see hoagies or crazy sweaters in the future, I'm going to smile and embrace my memories with open arms.  In the meantime, I pray justice is served for Mr. Cosby while peace and insurmountable grace be given to those women who have come forward - that's what Cliff would have wanted too.

Christmas Chaos

 What in the world is going on with the holidays this year?  Am I the only one who feels like everything is starting to spin out of control right before the big day is even here?  Am I going to lose my mind just in time for Christmas morning?  Or do the Mayans have it right after all?

Goodness gracious, this has been an insane season.  This last week alone has felt more chaotic in every way than memories of many Christmases past.  Personally, it is just a crazy-busy time.  (I know I'm not alone in feeling that!)  My hours at working seasonal help at Williams-Sonoma have picked up significantly as Christmas approaches, so much so that I was happy to pawn off some of my work time on another girl who was really trying to earn as many hours as possible (yay - win/win!).

Josh has also been working late a lot, maxing out his days before deadlines and new semesters arrive (he is an administrator at a local Christian high school).  And, for some ridiculous reason, I took it upon myself to primarily try and craft the majority of Christmas gifts for the family this year.

She may not have my same affinity for crafting

Side-note here on Christmas crafting - WHAT was I thinking?  I absolutely got suckered into amazing photographs off Pinterest and talked myself into the affordability that people will appreciate the effort of my endeavors and thoughtfulness over an alternatively less personal gift.  Oh me, oh my.  Well, I truly am counting on my family seeing the heart behind much of my production.  All in all, much has turned out fine or even better-than-I-expected-in-the-end.  But, let me tell you, it was not without much trial and many errors!  (I realize I can't expand yet on what I actually have worked on, so as not to reveal any gift secrets, but trust me, many a mess was made in the name of Pinteresting!)  Looks like everyone might be getting gift cards next Christmas.  Haha.

Back to the chaos.  So, you take all those obligations, and you throw in a couple toddlers.  Okay!  On top of all the time I don't have to do the laundry or dishes, I will cram two little bodies into that schedule and do my darndest to offer them attention or at least the promise of food, water, shelter, and hugs.  We've done our best to make intentional time for seeing Santa, having friends over, and keeping our home merry and bright (even if it does mean the tree has fallen over a grand total of SIX times now...seriously?)  We've watched many a Christmas movie (Matilda now loudly announces "Did you hear that?" after she burps, thanks to watching Elf) and indulged in holiday treats that let us know that, without-a-doubt, Jolly Old St. Nick is on his way (if none of that gave it away, then listening to Matilda sing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" every single night as she goes to sleep really seals the deal).  Indeed, this Christmas-a-go-go is in full swing.  And as the checklist only seems to be getting longer and longer, I know that somehow, someway, everything will manage to get done before this next week is up.

And then, the world stopped last Friday.  You already know what I'm talking about.  You can't turn on the TV or Internet for two seconds without seeing a new update or story about the horrific events of Newtown, Connecticut and all that occurred there on December 14th.  We see the news, we read our friend's status updates about how we all feel just sick and sad and grateful and confused about it all.

And just like that, I'm stopped in my tracks and holding back sobs as I cling to my babies and thank God for what He has given me.  I'm at a total loss for words in my prayers for the families and parents and everyone even remotely tied to that event in any way.  And then my mind wanders for a second and I consider all the horrors of the world that I don't even know about.  All the children that only God can see hurting.  All the names that go unread.  All the pain that feels unknown.  And I'm angry and just so so sad and confused.

And I'm supposed to go Christmas shopping and bake cookies in the middle of all this?  I'm supposed to fold laundry and stuff stockings and carry on like it doesn't matter?

God, what in the world?

Yes and no.  Yes, we must carry on.  No, not as if it doesn't matter.  It matters.  It all matters.  In fact, it's for these reasons and many more that Christmas even exists at all.  Right?  There wouldn't be a Christmas, after all, if we didn't need a Savior.  And, just when we think we are going to go crazy from watching Christmas commercials on TV, something unimaginable like the Sandy Hook tragedy happens and we are reminded in an instant of what truly matters and how we are so, so desperately in need of a Savior.  All of us.

A sweet moment not taken for granted.

I have more questions than answers in this life.  But, I don't need a lot of answers.  I only need the one answer that matters most, that conquers death, that diffuses confusion, and creates new mercies with every act of love - I only need Jesus.  We all only need Jesus.  I don't mean to diminish anyone's questions or doubts, in fact, I encourage us all to take this time and ask God the hard questions and keep looking for how we can strengthen our faith, especially at times of amplified emotion (which the holidays already are, regardless of what's on the news).

This frantic state of hustle and bustle that the holidays throw at all of us also got me thinking about the first Nativity and what it must have been like.  I look at my neatly sculpted Nativities that sit about my home and I see the Christmas cards flooding in that have serene pictures depicting the birth of Christ and I get this warm and fuzzy feeling about how calm and beautiful it must have been.  It seems so precious, so perfect, as if I can only imagine it with Silent Night playing the background and the warm glow of the Christmas Star shining overhead to perfectly light the scene.

And then, I really start to think about it.  Slowly I'm imagining the stench of barnyard animals and afterbirth.  I imagine (no matter how sweetly) the cries of baby Jesus and the sweat beaded up on Mary's brow.  I imagine the anxiety and fears of Joseph.  I think of the shepherds, stunned and skeptical with joy.  And I can't even fathom the chaos of the time - a forced census crowding the tiny town of Bethlehem, the scary authority of the cruel and controlling King Herod and how "political turmoil" is the lightest term I can think of for the state of Israel.

New International Version Matthew 2:16 "When Herod realized that he had been outwitted by the Magi, he was furious, and he gave orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had learned from the Magi."

This was not a pretty time, people.  The world was in CHAOS!  And there wasn't the refuge of shopping malls or Charlie Brown Christmas Specials or making fudge or wrapping gifts to take their minds off the fact that the world needed a Messiah.  I can not fathom the horrors that rocked the planet at that time...much like I can't imagine the horrors that exist today - this week - right here.

I don't bring this up to send us spiraling down a holiday road of depression.  No, no - not at all.  It feels as if the world has never been as bad as it is now...but, that's not true.  In fact, since the fall of man, we have always been lost.  Enter this:  the good news of Christmas!  One tiny, perfect, miracle baby was born to bring us the only hope we'd ever need.  Jesus could have chosen any entrance into the world, but he came at a time of great horror and chaos to deliver us and provide a path to eternal joy.  It sounds kooky, it sounds unbelievable, it sounds unfathomable, and yet, it's all true.

It's been an emotional roller coaster for most of us this month.  I don't know anyone who hasn't been exhausted lately.  It seems everywhere we turn someone is either sick or sad or just frustrated with this manic season.  And I catch myself daily being confronted with choosing gratitude and peace over anxiety and worry.  Because I have to be intentional in choosing it, it's not natural for me to default to a calm state of thankfulness in the middle of such a crazy, unfair world.  I can so easily find myself hung up on things like "I wish I had more money to buy this or that for my girls for Christmas" and now choosing to intentionally change that thought to "Thank you, God, for my [living, breathing, healthy, ornery] girls that I get to spend Christmas with."

Merry Christmas from the Pardys

If this last week has taught me anything, it's that the world isn't going to get less crazy until Jesus returns.  Our need for Him will never lessen.  And, with each step towards the chaos, I grow in my capacity to be grateful.  That is, because we hurt more, we recognize our need more, and can deepen in our gratitude for what we have been given.  Jesus isn't just the reason for the season...He's the only answer for peace on earth.

I pray love and peace to you and yours this Christmas.  I hope you can hug someone you love and laugh as you assemble ridiculous toys for your kids on Christmas Eve.  And, above all, I pray you find Jesus amidst whatever Christmas chaos you are experiencing.  This time of year is full of highs and lows of all kinds.  Emotions and anxieties and electric bills all run high, and it can be very easy to forget why we're all running around like maniacs.  This world might not get any quieter while we're in it, but we're all in it together.  Let's take a deep breath, thank our Savior, and spread the good news that we are not without hope.

Merry Christmas!

The Olympics, eh?

The Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics are here! Josh and I took a short day-trip to Vancouver about a year and a half ago, and were blown away at how the "city of glass" was already prepared for hosting the games. Now, the games are here and underway, giving excuse to every American to sport their red, white, and blue proudly for the next several days.

The Opening Ceremonies were watched on Friday night with much anticipation. After the awe and wonder of the Beijing Opening Ceremonies, the show-stopping bar was raised to new heights. What did you think? Did Canada pull it off?

It was an amazing show. But, in my opinion, I don't know how it could compete. The Vancouver ceremonies cost nearly $30 million while the Beijing ceremonies rang up a bill of over $300 million. Good grief. When I heard that stat during the Vancouver commentary, I wondered if James Cameron is already planning the 2020 Olympic Ceremonies, no doubt featuring our own personal avatars on another planet by then (I mean, won't human flying to other planets be a sport by then?)

Still, there were many beautiful moments and the Canucks left us anything but disappointed. Good job, eh? :)

Not only did the Canadians usher in the new Olympic Games, but as hosts they offer something much greater - something incredible that I believe could truly unite the globe: Canadian jokes.

Therefore, I give you...

The Top Five Reasons Canada Wanted to Host the Olympic Games

5. They've molded the medals into the shape of a Maple Leaf

4. They're hoping EH will catch on as the next big text craze, like LOL or OMG

3. They're making all the judges dress up like Mounties

2. Bryan Adams asked them to

1. Just another excuse to wear the Canadian Tuxedo

Parenting According to Cosby

Every night, Josh and I choose a half-hour long "stand by" tv show to watch before bed. It's just a show to close the night - something in reruns that is lighthearted that we can always count on to bring us a few laughs and see us off to bed with happy thoughts. When we were first married we would end the night with "Friends", then we got hooked on "Frasier" (what I would still deem as my all time favorite sitcom). Then, since both of us were too young to be allowed to see it when it aired, we backed up the Frasier train and watched "Cheers". We loved Cheers so much that, when we found a station that played the episodes consecutively, we watched the entire series twice in a row, back-to-back. Let me tell you, that Sam "May Day" Malone really won us over.

After the second round of Cheers, we were back to Frasier, since so much of Frasier makes so much more sense after having watched all of Cheers. However, no station plays Frasier consecutively, so it wasn't quite as exciting when the only timeline you have is Kelsey Grammar's waning mullet.

Now, we have recently settled on "The Cosby Show" as our latest stand by. We both watched it growing up, but I particularly have fond memories of watching "Cosby" each week with my family. To me, I was Rudy, my sister was stupid Vanessa, and my brother was the non-chalant Theo (remember, I was like 7 - I don't think my sister is stupid now, though I still think Vanessa is kind of stupid). :)

I didn't have the older two sisters, Denise and Sandra, but I did have the wise and doting-all-over-each-other parents just like Claire and Cliff were.

What's amazing to me now is how much I relate to the parents. I suppose that's what happens as you age. No longer am I the stubborn rugrat trying to make jam out of grapes in the blender or sneaking in the neighborhood dog as my secret pet. Rudy is all growed up.

Now I watch "Cosby" and I see how loving and healthy-marriage-centric Claire and Cliff are as parents. There are so many romantic quips and winks throughout each episode, you'd truly believe they are married (and love and respect each other) in real life. Through all of their children's ups and downs, Claire and Cliff never let the stress or strife come between them. Cliff is never made out to look (entirely) useless or stupid and Claire isn't an overbearing nag with the punchline. Their children respect them and get in trouble because they break rules - rules that exist out of boundaries their loving parents set for them.

Remember what it was like to watch shows like this? Remember when you watched an entertaining show that still had a moral to the story and a lesson for the family? Oh yeah, not to mention, is actually funny?

What shows do you remember as a child? I used to think that TV Land or Nick at Nite was for old people - that they only played "I Love Lucy" or something our grandparents would watch. Turns out the "classics" are hitting much closer to home these days. Next time you are feeling a bit nostalgic, or just need a pick-me-up before bed...try a break from Jersey Shore (I kid) and flip over to a blast from the past. I'm guessing you will re-watch it in a whole new, grown-up light...and might even learn a little something along the way.

Driving under the influence [of my child]

Oprah recently did a show about texting while driving. To be honest, I didn't watch it. It looked depressing and I'm more of an "ambush makeover of a grandma" or "George Clooney cooks us meatloaf" or "Twins separated at birth who lost a thousand pounds and are reuniting" kind of Oprah-show-watcher...but, the preview was pretty straight forward: texting while driving kills people. (I don't know why Oprah doesn't hire me to do her marketing for her?)

I've heard the stats and the stories and I totally get it - it's bad, so we don't do it in our house. Honest to goodness, we no longer text while driving (Go Oprah!)

But, it made me think about how MUCH we still do while driving. It is just crazy! And, it seems to only be getting worse since having a baby. The latest trick-while-driving is the pacifier competition I hold with Matilda. Argh. She is usually very happy in her carseat. She travels well and I'm so thankful for that. But, darn if she doesn't lose it when that pacifier falls out of her mouth.

The trick is to get it back IN her mouth from the front seat. Even if you can find the pacifier in the first place, you then begin the game we like to call "where the heck is your mouth?" I'm driving along, arm reached back over the carseat, stabbing my poor child's face with this stupid pacifier and yelling "Where is your mouth? Take it! Where is your mouth?" while she is like a barracuda chomping at the bit and dodging my hand every which way.

No wonder women are such terrible drivers. Sorry ladies, it's not even a stereotype any more. It's just the truth.

And that's not a bad thing - I'd rather be a good mom than a good driver...BUT, if I'm taking my eyes off the road to help my child, doesn't that defeat the purpose???

Maybe in addition to a no-phone-zone we need to make the car a no-paci-zone. I don't know if this will be as easy a habit to break...but I'm going to have a "use it or lose it" talk with Matilda and see if she will understand (ha). Let's keep our kiddos safe and watch out for those other cars with the "baby on board" sign in the back window. Afterall, we don't want to end up in a world where the car becomes a no-kid-zone.

Go Fleur de Lis!

I'm all for a good football game, but wasn't especially stoked for the Superbowl this year. No offense to the fans out there, but NFL football just isn't my game. College football is a little better, but I tend to be one of those sports fans that would love a live game, but not turn on the tv to keep up with it. Of course, the game would've been a little bit more enjoyable if I didn't have to stop and explain the game of football to Matilda at every down. (She just can't get it. I fear she will follow in her mother's cheerleading footsteps.)

In general, the Pardys are just not big on sports...that is, unless it is the Olympics (yay, just a few days away!) or college basketball (Rock Chalk Jayhawk, go KU).

So, it was simple logic that led me to root for the Saints yesterday: Fleur de Lis are prettier than Horseshoes. C'mon, I wasn't the only one out there with this logic! I'll admit, my family has always tended to root for the underdog whenever there were no previously defined loyalties to one of the teams.

So, yay for the Saints - congrats! Now we can all say "who dat" for one whole day without people being offended or feeling made fun of. Then, there is the most important reason people watch the Superbowl (no, not the halftime show) THE COMMERCIALS!

I watched some of them live, and looked up many more online. To be honest, we had a party yesterday, but it wasn't a Superbowl party - it was a belated LOST party. Still, we caught the game before we jumped into the time-warping, mind-bombing chaos that is LOST.

So, here's my take on the commercials...

Shout out of congrats to some fellow alumni and friends who won one of the Dorito's commercial spots. It's a pretty funny commercial and I hope it brings them much success in the future!

I totally admit I enjoyed the fiddling Beaver for the monster.com commercial. Cute, original, funny - that's pretty much all I want out of a commercial.

The Tim Tebow commercial for Focus on the Family was cute - but, unfortunately it followed the much funnier Betty White commercial that pulled off the same punchline (pun intended) with a bit more gusto. (Though I had to make myself remember it was for Snickers and not Bud Light).

The Late Night ad was also a clever and a very timely little piece. It definitely got our attention with the latest controversy surrounding the Leno/Conan fiasco.

And, as I twittered - the funniest commercial of the night had to be the Prince of Persia trailer. Ouch. Sorry, Jake Gyllenhaal - but, seriously? Who told him that hair looked good? Who told him that hair would magically turn him into a Persian Prince? Let's get the whitest, blue-eyed American boy and beef him up and slap some hair and eyeliner on him...insta-Persian!

Not a total surprise, most of the commercials were for men. Ironically enough, most of the commercials made men look stupid and irresponsible. Oh, America. I hope we can represent ourselves a little better to the rest of the world when the Olympics are here!

Jack Bauering Motherhood One Day at a Time

Anyone else watching 24? We've been championing Jack Bauer for years now, and still he holds our attention every Monday night. It's motivating to approach life the way Jack does - with that Nike-just-do-it energy and that no-holds-barred passion for justice. If only I could harness that amount of gusto and channel it into the small everyday tasks like dishwashing and laundry. Still, it made me think. Maybe there ARE some things I can tackle better than Jack. Thus, I present to you:

The Top Ten Reasons You Are Glad Jack Bauer Is Not Your Mother

10. He would know where you are at all times.

And not just like "Oh, my kid is probably at Susie's after school". No, he would have you microchipped, have your cell phone traced and could know your lat/long stats at all times.

9. You would never eat.

Jack never stops for a meal, not even drive-thru. You'd better learn to cook for yourself or attempt to lie, cheat, or steal your way through a supermarket while Jack's not looking (see number 10)

8. He could ALWAYS tell you "I told you so".

Jack always knows better. No matter what you know, Jack knows more. Even if you are inventing something brand new for the first time and you are the actual source of information from which the news originates - Jack knew before you.

7. He would background check your friends - and potentially cut their hands off.

Boyfriends, girlfriends, pretty much anyone you hang around with, you can be guaranteed Jack will know their backgrounds and use what he knows to convince them to either pledge their sole allegiance to the greater good or be scared out of their minds to even attempt a facebook friend request.

6. He would never make it to your recital.

As much as he would like to put it on the calendar and be there to show his full support, Jack can never ever promise to keep a schedule. Forget school plays, parent-teacher conferences, and you'd better plan to carpool with Susie home from that football game too.

5. Everything has a password or lock on it.

Since Jack can break into any building, car, or electronic device, he keeps everything on complete lockdown at all times. And we don't just mean motion detector spotlights on the lawn - we're talking fingerprint-sensor-on-the-cookie-jar, or retina-scan-for-the-remote-control kind of lockdown. Your house might be the most secure place on the block - if only you could get into it.

4. Better do the laundry yourself.

Jack doesn't seem to mind not changing clothes or showering (no matter how much blood he sheds), so you can't count on him to have the home stocked with soap, softener, or even quarters for the local coin mat. It might not be a bad idea to keep a Tide pen on hand either. You'd hate for those new jeans to be ruined by a simple shank in the thigh.

3. You can never get sick.

Jack will never have time to take you to the doctor and even if he did, he wouldn't. Jack is more about efficient care than long-term healing. But, he can fashion a sling or tournaquette out of just about anything and cyphen electricity into a homemade defribulator when necessary. Jack = Dr. MacGyver

2. No family vacations.

Between Chinese prisons or African refugee camps, Jack doesn't have any interest to go out and see the world. Don't count on Jack booking any Disney vacations or European adventures either...where there's tourism, there's terrorism - and that's no vacation when your mother is Jack Bauer.

1. He will never trust you.

Nina, Tony, and a slew before you have ruined Jack's ability to trust completely. It's not that he doesn't want to trust you, but he can't. The man's been burned just too many times. Be on guard and always, always tell him the truth. Remember, he already knows it anyway (see #8).

Allow me to introduce myself...

First blog post. Here we go!

Well, this is awkward. It's like meeing your in-laws for the first time. You want to give a terrific first impression but your not sure what they already know about you and how they may already feel towards you. You want to give them just the right amount of information - not too much so they don't think you are completely full of yourself, but not too little to where they are suspicious of you hiding something.

Not that you are like my in-laws. Not that there would be anything wrong with that if you were! Oh man, awkward.

So, allow me to nail down a few facts for you to determine your dedication to this blog. Basically, I'm a new mom. Yep, I'm many things, but this is the most recent addition to my identity, so it's pretty much what I prefer to be called at this point. I've been called many things in my life, but this is currently the most favorable so I figure I should stick with it. Little Matilda is just 3 months old and the joy of my world.

I'm completely in love with my husband, Josh, and we actually have a fantastically friendly and fun marriage which I adore and protect and appreciate every day. And by "in love with my husband" I mean I actually love and respect him, not in the TV "everybody loves Josh" sort of way where I say I'm in love with him and then stomp around and call him stupid and can't believe he acted like a man again - I mean I actually, truly like this guy! :)

We live in Southern California and both work at a local Christian University. I'm lucky to only have to be in the office 3 days a week, so I get to be a part-time stay-at-home mom for now. This journey into momhood has been extraordinary. It is a totally surreal experience to create and care for this little human who is growing and changing every day!

I've wanted to start a blog for some time now. I've been writing for years and trying to follow the old addage of "write what you know". Well - I wouldn't say that I "know" motherhood - so, I'm writing what I'm learning and what I'm finding out I don't know!

Also, it's imperitive you know that we are also avid TV watchers. We don't limit ourselves to TV, but we do pride ourselves in it. There's not too many hit shows we don't watch - and if we aren't watching it and you are, then I urge you to convince me why we should start watching it and perhaps we will give it a whirl.

So - that's me. Baby mama and TV watcher. Wife and writer. I'll also try to sprinkle this blog with some foodie tips as well. I'm certainly a sucker for a good merlot and a fine cheese pairing. Just don't judge me if we're eating off paper plates.