Saturday, July 16, 2011

The due date has come. The due date has gone. Still pregnant. Yes, I know the statistics - many, many women go past their due date and it's no big deal and how you shouldn't be counting on it in the first place, yadda yadda yadda. Need I remind you how I've been measuring ahead for the last few months? Must I retell the stories of being asked four months ago if I was due to have that baby any day?
Stick a fork in me, people. I'm done.
I am beyond thankful for this healthy baby girl - for her (albeit, now torturous) kicks and jabs and nudges in my belly. I count my blessings daily (granted, it helps pass the time) of how she is miraculously still being woven in my womb by the very hands of God. And yet, let's be honest here, I'm desperate to meet her. People have been joking (myself included) for weeks and weeks how there is absolutely no possible way I will reach my due date. This includes the jests of Midwives, Doulas, other mothers and doctors. And (sounds of crickets chirping...) here I am.
Maybe it is also the fact that each night this week has been a giant tease. I get contractions off and on, get my hopes up, clean the house like a maniac one more time, and then go to bed only to find that I, once again, have to use both my hands to heave my belly up and topple out of bed another day. Last night was the worst yet...a good 9 hours of steady contractions at nearly 10 minutes apart...only to amount to a big heap of disappointment. Sigh. Ok, yes, I am fully complaining at this point. What can I say - it is depressing to get all excited, the adrenaline pumping, the giddyness of the "is this it?!" and the thoughts of how we will finally reveal her name to our family and friends...and again and again be put on hold.
In fact, that's exactly what it's like - being put on hold...times like, a million. You know the feeling - you've called the cable/electric/phone company, get the automated system, and then just sit and wait...only to get tricked by the voice that comes on to say how "valuable" you are to them and that surely you are the next person in line...wait, wait, wait...tricked!...wait, wait, wait...tricked again! Until, when you finally get to an actual person you've either entirely forgotten why you've called, or you've put them on speakerphone and now you are halfway across the room, or your child has started to wake up from her nap and scream and yell as soon as you get a chance to talk. Sigh. Yep - that's how I feel. I JUST WANT MY REAL HUMAN RIGHT NOW!
Ok, deep breaths.
I'm letting this go. No, really, I give up. This is my last strategy to get this kid out of my body. Complete surrender. I'm not vacuuming my carpet tonight. I'm not using the "fancy shampoo" thinking it might be the last shower I have for a while. And I dare not text my friends to remind them to keep their phones by their side so I can be the "girl who cried labor" one more time. No sir-ee. If this girl is coming, she'd better make it plain and obvious. Bring it on. I want some serious signs, sister. We're talking ACTIVE labor here. Let's do this. Until then...I'm praying, chilling, eating frozen yogurt, walking like crazy, and just making sure the house is picked up enough to not stumble over legos in the middle of the night. Fair enough?
God, if you could wrap up this whole "weaving a fearfully and wonderfully made being" thing soon, that would be extra great. We'd sure like to meet her. Thank you.

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