It's a Girl! Now What?
Monday, March 23, 2015
Bring on the tutus and bows! It's another girl (yes, that makes THREE) for the Pardys. As if my home wasn't covered in pink and purple enough already, this bouncing baby girl is bound to bring a whole new host of cotton candy colors with her when she arrives in August.
Let's process this, guys. This is a lot of estrogen in one little household. I think my husband is worried he might start growing breasts if he doesn't keep the windows open.
We are overjoyed to be welcoming another girl. Plus, you can't beat the hand-me-down savings or the inevitable cuteness-overload photos that are bound to come from capturing the happenings of three little princesses (think of the Christmas photos! the Easter dresses! the delicious Halloween costumes that will make you gasp in awe!) My heart can almost not handle the sweetness already.
The news of a third daughter didn't come without surprise, however. Even those of you who put your votes in for the boy/girl poll opted to overwhelmingly anticipate it being a boy. I join you in your shock!
As the ultrasound tech rubbed my belly with the jelly and revealed our wiggly baby (in all her black and white, other-worldly, glory) I held my husband's hand tight, not quite ready to hear the news. The sweet one had her legs crossed politely, so it took a little while to jostle her into an immodest position. Finally we got a clear shot, and I knew.
"Oh, that's a girl," I said definitively.
"Yes, it is!" confirmed the tech.
We smiled. We sighed. We stared. It had not quite sunk in yet.
When I first got pregnant, I thought it would be a girl. I know the statistics, and after two of the same sex babies, the odds of having the same again are quite high. Still, both my siblings had beaten these odds by having two boys and then a girl, so I knew there was a shot for a Pardy boy in the making.
As the weeks went on, my pregnancy symptoms became drastically different than with my girls. I had totally different cravings and aversions. My nausea was terrible, and overall I felt much worse than with my girls. It just felt like a whole new ballgame to me. Surely, this had to mean it was a boy, right? I couldn't rationalize any other simple explanation. So, for the last several weeks, I grew quite keen on the idea of having a son.
As far as we know, this is our last baby we'll be having. I'd be lying if I didn't say we hoped there would be a Pardy boy in the bloodline. My husband is the last male Pardy, so it seemed natural to continue the most-fun-last-name-ever with this final child. I began having visions of what it would be like, what our family would look like with a boy, and how I would connect differently as a mother to a son of my own. It was weird, foreign, scary, and lovely.
And it made me wonder all the more who it was growing inside my bulging belly?
Every time I find out the gender of my babies, I'm thrown into an emotional paradox. As the unknown turns into the known, one dream has to die in order for the other to transition into reality. I'm thrilled for what it is. I grieve for what it isn't.
I was not sad to find out I'm having a girl. I was sad to find out I will not be having a boy.
We drove to go get lunch after our appointment. I rambled on and on about the wonders of having another girl and how beautiful and magical it will be to have three daughters under one roof. I had visions of hair-braiding slumber parties, giggling in dress-up clothes, and baking together in the kitchen like a homemade version of Little Women in real life.
I pulled into the restaurant parking lot, and burst into tears. I had to take a moment. I had to pause and grieve the vision of a son. I had to let go of the idea that no tiny bow ties or hipster-mustache-onesies or matching-tuxedos-with-daddy would be in our future. I had to allow myself to release the image of my girls creating a bond with a brother who would want to follow and protect them.
I had to say goodbye to this dream. Deep sigh. And I did. And it felt great. Well, it felt terrible and then great. Relief is a beautiful thing.
It still took a while for the news to really reach my bones and sink into my heart (shopping for a pink dress helped!) As the reality of one dream became clearer, my tears dried up, and my heart became full as this new girl inside me began shaping the image of our family into what it was always meant to look like.
I hope you embrace my honesty for what it truly is - a human mother, grappling with the realities of life. (Not to mention, a gut full of hormones that wreak havoc and any given time!) I am not sad over what I've been given. And I'm no longer sad over the dream that was lost. This was a win/win situation, and I'm only grateful to God for the experience of pregnancy and the gift of another child. There is no, "but..." There is no, "however..." That's the truth.
And now? Now, we celebrate! In typical Pardy fashion, we wholeheartedly invite you to pray for our growing baby girl as we eagerly anticipate her August arrival with fanfare and thanksgiving!
Baby Girl Pardy #3 is on her way! And I for one, can't wait to meet her.