Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Let this season go down in Pardy history known as "The Summer of Change".

As a counselor, I can't recommend more than one major, life-changing transition happening at a time.  As a wife and mother, however, sometimes you just have to eat your own advice and swallow what life dishes up!

My husband lost his job in July. We're expecting our third child in less than two weeks.  I finished my Masters degree last Friday.  My oldest daughter starts Kindergarten tomorrow.  

So, here we are all at once, changing jobs, changing schools, changing rooms, changing roles, changing laundry, changing careers, changing routines, and soon enough, changing diapers.  Like it or not, CHANGE is the new normal in our home.

To say my heart is in a whirlwind is sort of an understatement.  On one hand I find myself weary and weepy and frustrated and fearful, totally in doubt of a foggy future that has been so scheduled for the last two years.  On the other hand, I feel giddy and excited and nervous, like every day has the potential to be Christmas morning!  (Not to mention pregnancy hormones are in FULL swing!)

There's no easy way to have faith.

That much I've learned in my short time on this planet; and no matter how many times my faith is challenged and stretched, it hurts.  Sometimes its a good hurt, like yawning so big my ears pop or touching my toes (something I have faint recollection of!)

Other times, it's a knife to the back, or the stomach, or the heart...completely debilitating and potentially fatal to my progress.  But, no matter how much I bleed out, it's not the end.  I just usually need a transfusion of the mind and heart to keep me going.  I need to flush out my own thoughts and plans and once again rely exclusively on the Creator's calendar.

Last week, I closed out a chapter of my life I never though possible.  I earned my Masters degree in Marriage and Family Therapy.  There was a time in my life I wasn't sure I would ever get my Bachelor's degree, so to state this accomplishment is no small feat for me!  It still seems surreal, and I'm sure it will take a while to sink in that I don't have any more homework for the rest of my life!

Tomorrow, my oldest daughter starts Kindergarten.  She's excited and scared and a living example of all the emotions swirling around inside of my soul right now.  She's a feeler to say the least, and an expresser that puts my own transparency to shame.  The five-year-old lack of filter keeps me poignantly aware that she's standing on her own precipice just waiting to see what comes next.

Faith is my favorite oxymoron.

It's ugly because "having faith" means I also have the doubt necessary to need the faith in the first place.  It's beautiful because it functions regardless of my fears, fully dependent on the unchanging mercy that God continues to pour into me.  It's irrational, forcing me to live with expectation I have no evidence to hope for.  It's everything that keeps me going when nothing is giving me reason to charge ahead.

What changes are you going through in life right now?

Change is rarely comfortable.  Even when it's planned for, it usually comes with pains of progress or frustrations found through the process.  But, our unchanging God can do so much more through our changing souls than He ever could allowing us to remain comfortable and stagnant in our growth.
Deep breath.  Exhale.

Okay, change.  Bring it on.  Ready or not.  I freely abandon my own understanding and embrace the irrational courage that faith has to offer me in this insane season of life.  Lord, help your peace overshadow the anxieties I have, and help me and my family as we welcome the plans and timing you have for us!

Can I get an AMEN?

1 comment:

  1. Yes! Having faith means you have to have the doubt nessecary for faith in the first place. Love that and this and your sweet fam in a crazy season. Hang in there, mama!


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