Why I Asked My Husband To Buy Me Flowers: Confessions of a Rotten Receiver

I'm a rotten receiver. Getting gifts is NOT my love language, to say the least.

It's not that I don't like "stuff". I love stuff! I buy stuff all the time! But, I get gift anxiety when it comes to receiving from others. I worry about how I'll react when I get it, if they'll know I truly appreciate it, or if I'll thank them enough, or if whatever I got them in return is a proper "match" for what they got me. I feel a nagging sensation of guilt if it is something I don't need and even more guilt if it's something I don't actually want.

As you can imagine, I'm hard to buy for. I usually ask for consumable things like food or gift cards, stuff that I can use up or apply toward something practical. I loathe surprises, so I would rather pick an item out ahead of time and know I'll like it rather than risk the possibility that someone might actually find something I'll sincerely like.

Like I said, rotten.

I'm admitting this now because I suspect I'm not alone. I would gamble that there are other mothers out there that have become just as pragmatic as I have. In the world of clipping coupons, collecting Box Tops, Pampers points, and Grouponing, we're molded into a form that demands we cut corners where we can. On top of that, the needs of our family are growing and it seems wildly irresponsible to be spoiled by others.

Also, if you're like me, I'm not striving to be a martyr here. I genuinely take greater pleasure in seeing my kids open gifts than opening one myself. But, it wasn't until recently that it dawned on me that by short-changing myself on gifts, I'm actually depriving them of something greater than anything I could wrap up or stick a bow on.

My kids need to see their mom get spoiled rotten, not be a rotten receiver.

This Valentine's Day, I asked my husband to buy me flowers. I asked him to buy flowers for our girls too, and start a new tradition that will help them set the bar high when it comes to "how a lady should be treated". Of course my husband was thrilled to do it - poor guy has been kept at bay for years trying to shower me with this or that! (Did I mention that gifts is his love language?!)

I want my girls to grow up seeing their mother receive well. Not just politely, but deservedly. Not just graciously, but with humility. What good do I serve them if they see me buying my own Christmas gifts? What am I teaching them if I only ever get what I want? I want to be a better recipient of the blessings around me, crediting God and the thoughtfulness of others, and attempting to show them that I recognize I am valuable to many!

Made for each other.

If I want them to grow up and get spoiled by men who are worthy of their love, then I need to model it now. It may take a long time for me to turn the corner from making this change "for them" to taking it on as how I really feel about gifts, but that's okay. Actions can speak louder than words, and I'm hoping this change will shout out to them "YOU ARE WORTHY OF THIS!"

The sunflowers my husband bought me brought more than just beauty to our home. They helped mark a turning point for me as a wife and mother. The flowers will wilt and die, but their sentiment remains. And when I kissed his face with gratitude and got a resounding "Ewwww!" from my girls, my heart knew it was the right move.

Calling All Parents!

Are we ready to start a family?

This is the question many couples ask when they come to the crossroads of entering parenthood. If you are already a parent, then you know it's daunting to step through the threshold of having a baby.

In a new survey I've constructed, I'm evaluating that very topic: How prepared did you feel when you became a parent? I'm gearing up for a new project regarding parenthood preparedness, and I NEED YOUR HELP!

TAKE THE SURVEY!

I'll be keeping the survey open for several weeks, so please feel free to SHARE the link with your friends, neighbors, co-workers, family, that nice gal from Bible Study and so on... The more the merrier!

Your answers help me understand your unique experience through conception, pregnancy, and the first year after your baby was born.  It's anonymous, there's no "right" answer, and it only takes a couple minutes to complete.  Best of all, your input will contribute to helping couples in the future as they approach this sacred life stage for themselves!

Please encourage all parents you know to TAKE THE SURVEY and give their much needed input! You can even take the survey on your mobile device (woohoo for multitaskers!)

Thank you in advance - and be sure to keep your eye on the blog for future updates about this!

Y is for Yawn: The Mom Alphabet

I've got one in Kindergarten and another headed there next fall, so the alphabet is a popular topic in our household these days. Every day we are spelling new words, learning sounds, and practicing writing those tricky curves and bumps that make up the language we love.

I love it...but it can get wearing.

So, this one's for the moms of alphabet-learners out there! Next time you are up to your neck in vowel sounds, crossing t's and dotting i's, maybe you can think of this and get that smile back on your face.

Hugs!

The Mom Alphabet

A is for Appetite, as I eat your leftover goldfish crackers for breakfast.
B is for Backwash that you leave in my water bottle after only ONE SIP.
C is for Crumbs that I vacuum up in your bed, car seat, and anywhere you've ever been.
D is for Drool that pools on your pillowcase when you finally crash for a nap.
E is for Evite for the birthday parties you get invited to nearly every weekend.
F is for Free, which you know how to spell because they are the only apps you're allowed to buy.
G is for Grocery cart that you won't sit in until it's too full of food to have room for you.
H is for Hamburger Helper which is way more work than the box makes it sound like.
I is for Instagram that lets me  filter out how tired mommy really is.
J is for Juice, which you want more of as soon as I sit down.
K is for Kale, and kale is for suckers.
L is for Laundry that never ever ever ever ends.
M is for McDonald's play land when it's winter and mommy gives up.
N is for Netflix. Enough said.
O is for Oh no, when it gets too quiet around here and I know something is up.
P is for Popcorn, which I will be vacuuming up from under our couches for the next decade.
Q is for Quarter, that I don't have for that video game over there and never will so stop asking.
R is for Reheating my coffee again and again and again.
S is for Sweaty head when you wake up from your nap and I could just eat you up.
T is for Timehop that makes me swoon and sob inside my heart each day.
U is for Uh-oh, which is never good to hear from the other room.
V is for Vacuuming. Again.
W is for What did I forget to buy at the store/put in your backpack/mark on the calendar today?
X is for eXactly how many times do I need to ask you to find your [ anything ] before we can leave?
Y is for Yawn as I tuck you in for the millionth time.
Z is for Zzzz as I fall asleep watching Downton Abbey way past my bedtime.

Ain't No One Got Time For That: True Self-Care For Mamas

I'm really good at chatting about self-care. I have my Masters in Marriage & Family Therapy, after all. I have three children and put on deodorant today, for heaven's sake. I have a marriage that still makes me smile and remembered to schedule my six-month dentist check-up only 10 months after the last one! I mean, I'm seriously good at this self-care business, right?

If you're like me, you are great at telling others how to take better care of themselves, but slipping slowly down the sub-par slope yourself. Cringing yet?

As mothers, we deal daily in the chores of sympathy, compassion, care, and inevitably spread ourselves too thin across the needs of our family, all in the name of love. This is wonderful. This is often necessary. But, this is not sustainable. 

Yesterday, I joined a Bible Study that "I don't have time for", "It's just far enough away to be too far", "I don't even know if anyone I know will be there", "I'm not even sure what they are studying", and "I'm not sure I want to commit or feel obligated to keep going".

Sound familiar?

I can easily think of a million reasons not to go. I have plenty of dishes/laundry/cooking that I could fill that time-slot with. I didn't even want to tell anyone I was considering going in case I backed out at the last minute.

Then I remembered that in the last two years, God brought me through the absolute busiest time of my life. With two children, I got through grad school, held a part-time job, and had a book published, and somehow managed to not completely have my brain melt.

God was faithful, and while I have no desire to relive that kind of manic schedule, I know that He provides what I need when I need it - including time (and especially time to worship Him)!

I often forget that true self-care starts from the inside out. Soul care doesn't just happen on its own. 

I don't just feel joyful because of the "stuff" I have or the blessings around me. I don't just automatically desire to read the Bible every day because it's the "right thing to do". I don't constantly thank Jesus for saving me simply because I should. AND I SHOULD...but, reality holds obligations, deadlines, crying babies, phone calls, and dentist appointments that I allow to get in the way.

It's easy to think that something so basic as taking care of ourselves should come naturally. But, I'm here to tell you that it's OKAY to schedule it in. Do it!

You don't have to join a Bible Study. That's not necessarily the answer for you in the season you are in. But, how are you taking care of yourself? Wine nights with girlfriends and the occasional mani/pedi might be what most mommy blogs are urging you to do - but I'm here to ask, What are you doing to pamper your soul?

I'm learning how to do this right alongside you, mamas. I am thick in the struggle of balancing all the spinning plates while riding a unicycle, just like you are. I pray every day that I will appreciate this season, even through the groggy fog of sleep deprivation and the sounds of whiney children and the reheated cups of coffee.  It's hard.

But, let's remember who is truly spinning all those plates. It's not us. It's certainly not by my strength that my children get hugged and disciplined all in the same day. It's not by my faithfulness that food is on the table or the unfolded laundry keeps us warm day to day.

Give yourself the time-out that a mama sincerely deserves, and let us encourage one another to focus on the One from whom all blessings flow. We all got time for that.

If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. - Jeremiah 29:13 NLT