Choosing to quit a steady job is difficult and strange,
especially when you don’t know what is next. It had been a long process of prayers and contemplation as
we took the official step of Josh quitting his job, planning our move across
country, and not having a job lined up for us when we got there.
I’m sure if you think about this for a minute, you have many
of the same questions I had. It’s
funny, because as your loved ones watch you take this step of faith, they also
begin to worry that you’ve lost your mind – something I also took into consideration! People tiptoe around reminding you that
you have children to provide for, bills to pay, and no guarantees for the
future…as if these are things that you haven’t pined over in the middle of the
night, tearfully pleading with Jesus for a neon sign to show you the
answer.
 |
| Just a couple angry toddlers here. |
Questions and worries plague us as normal human beings, as parents, and as a couple that hopes for
things like “a house with a yard” someday, let alone how to afford rent and
health insurance on no income.
Trust me, whatever it is you are questioning, I have thought of it, I
have worried about it profusely, I have taken it into account…and so has
Jesus. (But, thank you for the
concern.)
The thing is, when it comes to obedience, I could either
choose to trust Jesus or not.
Bottom line. We do
everything we can within our limited power to take opportunities and make the
best of them, while constantly and prayerfully handing them over to God for His
guidance and direction.
And, you know what, somehow, some way, we are here in Nashville
with full bellies and a roof over our head and clothes on our bodies. We are alive and will give God the
glory. If that’s not a testament
to His provision, I don’t know what is.
Daily. Daily, I am reminded that today was another day God
provided. DAILY. Thank you, Jesus.
But, it is not easy to praise Jesus when He doesn’t give you
what you want when you want it. If
you don’t agree with that, then you are probably lying. (I’m just saying!) I can act just like my toddlers
throwing a tantrum for a toy in the middle of Target that I won’t buy for
them. I want to scream and pout
and kick things, I’m so angry. I
want to demand reconsideration for what I think I DESERVE. I huff and I puff, and I crumble into a
messy fit of confusion. And I always
end with the same frustration: it
doesn’t make sense.
And then I cry out to Jesus. And then I see His face. And then I feel His arms. And then I’m reminded of what a bloodsucking, bratty little
sinner I am…and how I should get kicked to the curb and forgotten about and
instead, here I am, getting comforted by the reality of a God who has given me
so much, and I’m split open by the brutal irony of His love for me in one
realization: IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.
It doesn’t have to make sense to me. Living faithfully, living obediently,
doesn’t come with the stamped regularity of a direct-deposit check into my bank
account. There’s nothing wrong
with making a steady income – that’s a good thing and I look forward to it
again!
But, there’s something
very wrong with hanging my hat on it.
There’s something ridiculous about placing my security in my efforts or
the abilities of my husband, or even in the trust of the next employer who
reads my husband’s resume.
God is
in charge. God has not forgotten
us. God will bring a job in His
time, for His purpose. God will
continue to provide. And we will
continue to bring our messy selves to His feet and be reminded of His non-sensical
love and provision for us.
More on this nonsense tomorrow!
No comments:
Post a Comment
Your comments make my day! Please share!