Hallelujah Again: Victory Over Unemployment

Two years ago today I announced that our job search was over and Josh had accepted a new position after nearly 4 months of unemployment. (See the TimeHop pic below!)

Well, today I'm thrilled to announce the exact same great news!

It's weird, right?  Spooky and wonderful, honestly.  My husband's contract was not renewed at the school he worked at due to budgetary reasons back in July, so we've been unemployed for the last three months.

It is with great pride that I tell you he's accepted a position as Marketing and Business Development Coordinator at a local engineering firm!  He starts October 12th, and prayers as he transitions to this new position would be greatly appreciated.

As I read back over my post about his new job from 2 years ago, God reminded me how His truth is timeless.  Here is an excerpt from that post that rings completely (albeit, eerily) true again today.  Thank you for celebrating this news with us!

From September 25, 2013...

And here's where I get real honest with you.  Here's the part where you are feeling all "oh, how nice that worked out for you" and I'm about to blow that thought right out of the water for you...so, just keep reading.

The night before we got the job, God told me something.  He said, plain and simply, "You know that if he gets this job it doesn't solve your problems, right?  Only I can do that."  I kind of brushed that off and said another prayer for the job, and then I BEGGED God for the job and then I thanked God and still said "but, please God, seriously, please let him get this job".  I didn't quite let what God told me sink in all the way.  I wanted Josh to get that job.  It would be a problem solved, and so my heart and mind were set on that.

Then, he got the job.  And, I felt relief.  I felt joy.  But...I didn't feel any more secure than I had the day before.  In fact, neither Josh nor I jumped up and down like we had in the past when much smaller victories were won (You got a call baaaack!!!!  You got an interviewwwww!!!)  Not this time.  This time was different.

Josh got the job.  Hallelujah.  But, that's not the victory here.  The victory - the moral to the story - is the three and a half freaking months that came before the job.  The miracle is the survival, the journey, the long road of impatience and questions and doubting.  The loving marriage that sustained the waves of tumultuous worry.  The food on the table brought by friends.  The cards of encouragement and support sent by loved ones.  The pride found in working a blue-collar job.  The strength of a family cared for by a community and body of Christ.  THAT'S OUR VICTORY.

I never could have guessed it.  Even a few weeks ago I could have told you what this blog post could have looked like - a long and relentless bragging about my husband and how awesome he is and how good God is for rewarding his efforts.  No.  Not at all.  Don't get me wrong - Josh is my hero - but, we're giving credit where credit is surely due, and that goes entirely to Jesus.

Here's something else - Satan hates it when we give Jesus the credit.  And today, just as we were eager to awake with feelings of assurance and celebration, we were spiritually attacked from all sides as Satan did his best to steal our joy and distract us from the goodness of God.  I'm really being honest here, gang.  Today was ROUGH.  Even my daughters were stressed out and overly emotional and the littlest things seemed like the end of the universe in our home.  Each one of us was in a terrible mood, annoyed and frustrated, irrationally snappy and completely out of sorts.

We literally had to stop in the middle of our morning and pray aloud in our living room to just invite the Holy Spirit to be present with us, to help us focus on His peace and faithfulness, and to not let anything distract us from the beauty of the moment and the assurance of God's goodness.

But, here we are.  We are here to CELEBRATE and let you know that God IS good.  Wholly good.  And the job is wonderful...but, it is merely a facet in the structure that is our lives as they should be lived out according to God's will.  We are grateful - but, not fooled by the false sense of security that money and benefits offer in this world.  We are humbled, and we are sincerely blessed by the long three and a half months where our faith was stretched far beyond the boundaries of our liking.

Thank you, thank you, thank you - to each of you who prayed for us, supported us, encouraged us, and fought the good fight through the victory of the wait.

God is using us here.  God has big plans for us.  God is good - really - all the time.

We're so grateful to celebrate God's goodness with you!

Wanted: BLOG DESIGNER

I'm looking for someone to REDESIGN PARDYMAMA!  

As you may have noticed, there are some items on my blog that are LONG overdue for a revamp.  For one, I obviously no longer live in Southern California!  And I've kept this task on the back burner long enough.

Here's the catch (and I realize it's sorta/kinda a biggie):  I can't pay you in actual, American, green-dollar-monies.  I'm very sorry I can't hand you a blank check and say "Go to town!  Have fun!  Spare no expense!"

But, as a floundering wife/mother/writer/student, my resources are quite limited.  (Though, if you are local, I can add baked goods to the list of compensations offered!)



THE DEAL:  Hone your designing skillz on PARDYMAMA, and in return you can earn:

1. A permanent logo on the PARDYMAMA homepage that YOU DESIGN!
2. An entire BLOG devoted to your skillz/business/service
3. A huge social media SHOUT OUT via @pardymama
4. A letter of recommendation from Yours Truly
5. My total loyalty in exclusively and personally recommending you to my many other creative friends/family/neighbors/acquaintances that may be needing your expertise in the future!

If YOU are interested, PLEASE email me at emily@pardymama.com so we can get crackin'!
If you know SOMEONE who might be interested, PLEASE let them know about this opportunity!

I don't care if you've been designing for years or if you are a high schooler who is ready to start a portfolio of your own...ALL emails will be read and considered!

C'mon!  This is gonna be a BLAST!  :)

Busy

How are you these days?  Let me guess:  You're too busy, kind of exhausted, and not exactly sure how you're going to make it to next week. 

You are in good company, friends.

We're all so darn busy.  I don't know anyone who isn't busy at least almost all the time.  Even the people who have every excuse not to be busy seem to magically fill their days with obligations and expectations that inordinately can not be met by the average human.  Why do we do this to ourselves?  Is there some gold medal at the end of it that I'm unaware of?  And if there was, is it worth it?

While I, too, am a zombie running on inspiration and caffeine, I'm also a huge fan of "boundaries" and trying my best to walk the fence of efficiency and sanity.  That's a hard line to tow, and it's rarely accomplished without falling off the fence entirely at times, only to climb back up with a few scrapes and bruises.

I like to be busy.  I thrive when I'm surrounded by goals and support; having something that I can keep my eye on and lean on at the same time.  But, as much as a risk taker as I am, I also tend to overcommit myself or stretch my efforts too thin before I figure out it's too late.  As I learn and grow in my boundary-setting, however, I'm beginning to understand that it's really never too late to establish limits for myself.  Breaking and establishing limits is a huge part of growing up, after all, and it doesn't stop just because you have two kids and a mortgage.

Busy is different for different people.  My kind of busy includes being a wife, mother of two, full-time grad student, freelance writer, and part-time worker at the mall, as well as soon-to-be taking on some internship hours for my degree requirements.  Yes, my plate is full.  And, your plate is probably equally as full, just taken up by more or less of other people/activities/obligations that you've set in motion.  Somehow, we're all doing something to fill our time, and we're all ending up tired, yet passionate enough to keep going.

When I first took on my part-time job at the mall (working at Pottery Barn Kids) it started as a seasonal, Christmas job.  I thought it would only last a few months, and I was just as surprised as anyone when they asked if I would consider staying on and I accepted while minimizing my commitment to just a couple shifts a week.  At first, I thought What in the world am I doing? thinking I was, yet again, doomed to my habit of overcommitting and going to have to back out within weeks.  But, that hasn't been the case, and I can tell you exactly why.

Keeping my little part-time gig has brought more relief to my schedule than burden.  I'll be honest, it's a lovely place to work.  The people are kind and considerate for the most part, the place is cute and clean, and while I'm hardly making any extra money there, it's just enough to ease my mind a bit when my kid's sneakers all of a sudden don't fit overnight!  (Life doesn't stop for growth spurts!)

But, what really has kept this in my hectic schedule is that the hours I work there have forced me to deliberately allow myself a mental break from life's normal chaos and greater obligations.  When I'm there, I simply can not check my iPhone, listen to my daughter's whining, do household chores, catch up on homework, or distract myself with some ridiculous thing online that I probably don't have time for anyway.  I have some very simple, straightforward tasks to busy myself with for the night (be kind to customers, help organize/scan merchandise, take out the trash, etc) that don't require much brain power.  As silly as it sounds, working at the mall is almost as close as it gets for me to having a night off.

Even Garfield gets it.

I have had to turn down other things because my schedule was full.  I have had to miss out on some opportunities or get-togethers because I've carved out this time in my schedule to do X-Y-Z.  But, I have also gained some new perspectives on how and why I do the things I do.  I am a big believer in "you do what you want to do" and the truth is, right now it is healthier for me to have this part-time job than not!  If you find yourself with a schedule full of things you'd rather not be doing, it may be time to ask yourself why in the world they are important to you?

I'm not sure how we're all supposed to juggle everything.  For each person who looks at another and wonders "How do they do it?" probably ten more are looking at them and thinking the same thing.  We're not meant to live someone else's life or juggle their to-do list for them.  I am taking life one day at a time, just like everyone else, and curious how the hours will pan out from week to week.  Time can feel like a giant puzzle when you are trying to grasp all that it has to offer.

Be busy.  Be productive.  But, don't forget to carve out some time for yourself to mindlessly incorporate something that can allow you some freedom from your busy-ness.  Don't get me wrong, I also require plenty of down time to completely shutdown and submerge myself into something purely relaxing (like, watching reruns of Modern Family or "reading" the latest Oprah magazine).

But, whatever it looks like for you, I can guarantee that the rest of your busy life will thank you when you allow yourself limited time to limit yourself.

301

This is my 301st blog post.  When did that happen?!

I don't know whether that number seems impressive to you or not, but I can tell you one thing - I never saw it coming.  When I started PARDYMAMA about 4 years ago, I was sitting in a cubicle, bored out of my gourd and looking for an outlet.

I would peruse the internet in between tasks like every other red-blooded American out there, and I read a variety of blogs, all having been established for years and very clear with their message, voice, and content.  When I would consider starting up something of my own, the idea was always quickly devoured by insecurities:  What did I have to say?  Who cared?  Would anyone read it?  Do I have time for this?  What if people hate it?  Am I even good at this?  And so forth.

It began sloooowly, and I would still consider it today amidst it's "early stages" though it's clear to me now that it won't be ending any time soon (a foggy option that I have probably considered a dozen times or more in the first couple years).

I started writing simply because it was 1) something to fill my time, 2) a creative outlet for me, and 3) what I needed.  How much I needed it, or even why was still beyond my grasp, but it wasn't long before my habit for writing grew into a full-blown addiction.

I struggled for years to seek out a real "passion".  I had a plethora of interests, I had a shallow-yet-diverse scope of talents to choose from (jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none, so to speak).  And yet, I wrote and wrote with no neon signs pointing me towards a clear goal of achieving anything of grand significance. I wrote for myself, about myself, and primarily continue to do so today.  My writing process has always consisted of three simple steps:  Ponder, Pray, Publish.  That's it.  That's my magic formula.

I see many friends grapple with the notion of finding a "passion".  And, in today's "gotta-be-somebody" world, this overused term can paralyze the most gifted of hearts and minds.  The pressure to feel valued in a singular talent or to find the majority of your life's satisfaction within a mere resume of feats is altogether disillusioning to any normal human.  We are all pretty good at a lot of things, but very very very few of us are spectacular at a solitary task.

Toss out the word "passion".  Just crumple it up and curb that sucker.  Instead - take inventory:  What do you spend your time doing?  Why?  We live in chaos and stress ourselves out over the mundane chores of the day, but when we can step back and look at our routines we might start to find some consistencies, some patterns that we find we simply can't live without.

This is life, this is what you are alive for.

I was living my life's "calling" for years before I stood back and appreciated it for what it was.  I was just being me, being honest, following Christ as best I could, living out the process that it takes for me to function and improve and fail and need and seek and find and start all over again.  And 300 blog posts later, I still fight the same old insecurities I did from day one.  I still have obstacles that get in the way of my calling.  And as much as I need and love to write, it's still work for me.  Nobody ever tells you that about "passion".  No one ever says "it's what you're best at, but it just might kill you".

Let go of the pressure and pray through those insecurities.  Keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other, and let us encourage one another in the plight against passion and instead seek out the beauty of the patterns that make us who we are.  Let's ask God for the continued grace to give us the opportunities to live out our lives in the way He deems best, worthy of the hard work it requires from our weary selves.

Stop looking for your passion.  You're already living it.

Fresh Start

I'm BACK!  Hello world, hello new year, hello FRESH START and new beginnings.

Last year was CRAZY and I don't expect any less insanity in 2014.  It will surely be different craziness, as I don't plan on moving 2,000 miles with two toddlers and embarking on a entirely new course for my life by starting grad school.  Still, the year ahead marks a milestone of transition that is in process as we continue to grasp our bearings on our new life in Nashville.

For many of you, the new year started last week, when the clock struck midnight and your diet kicked into full swing.  But, despited the blanket of ice that has immobilized the surrounding metropolis, today is a day of MOVEMENT in my soul for the coming months ahead.

Each year brings change.  Change is rarely comfortable, and so preparing for a new horizon of possibilities can feel daunting at times.  As I rested over the holidays (oh, and also worked my buns off at the mall handling the wackiest of customers) I was reminded how my actions are merely a reflection of the strength God provides me.

I do because He did.  Not the other way around.

I felt fear in looking ahead at my schedule for the coming year:  All the obligations I have as a mother to wipe noses and make sure I hug and kiss enough and read the right story books and get them to eat at least one vegetable.  All the passion I have as a wife to serve my husband well and encourage him and speak truth to him and love him with genuine respect and admiration and romance.  All the fortitude and determination I sink into being a grad student, the piles of books and papers and the unattainable task to always be the best in class.  All the anxiety and excitement of taking on my first clients for therapy and being vulnerable enough to absorb the critiques of my supervisors.

It's a lot.  It's too much for me.  But, it's not too much for my God, and not a surprise to Him at all that I recognize my weakness through the challenges of the life I'm living.

There are a lot of goals I have for 2014, but essentially they all culminate into one word:  thrive.  I don't want to just survive anymore.  I don't want to just see what's in store for the day and check boxes that get me from A to Z.  I don't want to just look down and see the tracks I've made in the path behind me, but I want to stake out new ground, uncover new strengths, and seek out fresh perspectives that I've never known before.

There are many midnights ahead of us to create, and recreate continual resolutions for the days ahead.  We can each take refuge in the strength we don't have by resting in the assurance of the stronghold that we do.  Thank you God for a fresh start, for the chance to change, to refine, to restore.  Thank you for new years and new opportunities.  Your grace is like new fallen snow, even as my dirty black boots trudge through the unchartered areas.

Thank you for the future.  Here I come.

Kids for Sale

It's been a trying week.  Work, school, and life in general are swirling about me in non-stop motion.  I told my husband late one night that I felt like I was sucking water from a fire hose underneath an avalanche.  My girls have also been annoyingly "sort of sick" throughout the week.  You know the kind - just sick enough to keep them out of play dates and church nursery, to keep them whining throughout the day and night, to keep them crabby and demanding...but not sick enough to get snuggles or have them slow down at all.  How is it that kids can run a slight fever and run around the house like maniacs all at the same time?

classic hug-turned-strangle situation

Don't get me wrong, of course I don't want my kids to be so sick that they can't play.  I'm glad that their sniffles don't slow them down and that they are generally healthy as caged zoo monkeys.  But, it is exhausting to be with them and trapped in the house day after day trying to not let "The Little Mermaid" songs drive you batty.

As I was folding a volcanic mountain of laundry last night, I realized that God probably infiltrated stay-at-home-motherhood with mundane tasks like that (or doing dishes, or picking up toys, or wiping noses) so that we could feel again and again I'm so good at this to make up for the rest of the day filled with the frustrating doubts and infuriating challenges of thinking I can't handle these kids! What am I doing?!

I might not enjoy folding laundry or doing dishes or generally cleaning up after my little tornadoes, but it does fill me with a sense of pride that I can actually accomplish something ridiculously well in the midst of such loud, incessant, irrational pandemonium.  When I can stack a pile of clothes perfectly straight (which, inevitably get knocked over within seconds of completion), I can take one second of pride in the fact that I'm overqualified for the chores that this job requires.

Then, in the midst of a knock-down-drag-out battle over who gets to buckle Minnie Mouse in the toy stroller, it helps me take a deep breath and remember that I really have NO idea what I'm doing, but I'm still going to be okay.  This is normal.  This is motherhood.  And as quickly as the brawling began, it will all be over and we will probably all be crying into bowls of ice cream at 9 in the morning.

grumpy is as grumpy does

Early in the week, when I could have sworn it was almost bedtime and then realized we hadn't even had lunch yet (tick, tock) I had to just pray pray pray for the fruit of the Spirit to get me through.  I love these little beings more than my own life, and yet there are times I'm ready to post them in the FREE section of craigslist.  As I was literally knocked over the head with a lego block, I clenched my fists and bit my tongue.  And, in that split second all I could think was HOW in the world does God not just smite us all off the face of the planet each and every day?!?

If blatant disobedience, irrational fighting, and incessant demands are all it takes for me to lose my cool (and that's putting it lightly) then I have no capacity for understanding the grace of God and how the heck He compassionately forgives my stupidity day after day, hour by hour.  I need to tap into that mercy.  I need to channel that kind of only-through-Jesus compassion.  I need the patience that surpasses all rationale to be able to be the parent my girls need.

The reality is, I'm going to lose my mind in front of my girls sometimes.  I lose my temper so often I'm thinking of getting a GPS tracker for it.  Praise be, that I live in a place and time where I don't have to parent these hooligans all alone, and I have the greatest resource available as a mother - a Holy Spirit who puts up with my nonsense and extends me ridiculous amounts of undeserved mercy to help me get through the day, and reminds me how priceless this season truly is.

Thank You: A Veteran's Day Post

Today is Veteran's Day, and I just got off the phone with my dad who served in Vietnam as a helicopter pilot in the Army.  He helped to change the world before I was ever a twinkle in his eye, and I'm forever grateful to him for his patriotism and sacrifices he made as an American willing to do the unthinkable for the next generation.


But, my dad is only one amazing example of the selfless acts that happen every day among military families around the world, fighting for our freedom and paving the way for liberties that we take for granted on a daily basis.

Veteran's Day is our chance as "regular folk" to not just stop and recognize how blessed we are to live in a free country, but for us to stop and recognize the individuals that make that possible.  In a way, it's just as vital as the Fourth of July:  it's not only acknowledging the history of what our country's been through, but the very present of how we are affected by it.

Thank you to all service men and women past and present and future...we are indebted to you, and may God be with you.

Yesterday, I got to witness an incredible act of kindness in the most unlikely of circumstances.  I've recently taken on a seasonal position at Pottery Barn Kids at a local mall.  If you've never been to PBK, it's a jolly shop full of overpriced, exquisite children's merchandise.  It's lovely, and while it attracts the most pretentious of clientele, it makes for a spectactularly-Christmassy place to work.  Merry and bright, indeed.

I had just started my shift, when a pregnant, well-to-do woman approached me and my co-worker at the cash register.  She had been shopping for a few minutes with her young child and husband, and she had a peculiar look on her face as she walked up to us.

"Do you see that family over there?" she quietly spoke and glanced behind her as my co-worker and I leaned in to hear what she was saying.  We both nodded, curious what she was about to say.  The family she pointed to was a young family as well: a very pregnant woman, her husband, their little boy, and grandmother.

The woman turned her back to the family and continued to speak quietly.  "Well," she said, "I overheard them speaking, and they are a military family.  I have a strange request, but I'd like to do a sort of random act of kindness.  Could I buy them a gift card and have you give it to them for me?  I don't know them at all and I'd like it to be anonymous.  But, hurry if you can, because I think it might change what they decide to purchase today."

My co-worker and I were stunned. Yes, of course we were happy to help.

"Great," she smiled and got out her wallet.  "Go ahead and make the gift card for five hundred dollars."

Five hundred dollars?!?!

My co-worker and I both audibly gasped.  I told her outright how inspiring I found her act, and she kind of shrugged and smiled.  She bought the card and left immediately.

I watched as my co-worker walked it over to the family and changed the course of their day (not to mention, their nursery) in a single moment.  They were shocked.  We were all shocked.  Never before had I seen such a spontaneous act of generosity in that magnitude.  I thought about the woman who bought the gift card and thought to myself, Wow, those are the kind of people you want to be wealthy! And I was instantly convicted of my tendency to judge the rich.

Maybe we don't all have $500 to gift to a veteran today...but, chances are good that we all know someone who has sacrificed for our country, and we can take time out to thank them in our own way.  It's no coincidence that I was there to witness that yesterday.  I instantly thought I've got to blog about this! and I couldn't wait to tell you all such a wonderful story.  We can all pay it forward in some way, and not just today.  Inspiration can come from the most unlikely of places, and you never know when the opportunity might fall in your lap for you to thank a stranger.

Thank you, Veterans. Your lives are filled with random acts of kindness that inspire generations of spontaneous generosity.  I pray we can all be humbled by your courage and have a chance to pay it forward.  Happy Veteran's Day.

Mall Rat

Happy Holidays!  Wait - already????

Yes, apparently so.  The mall is already decked out from top to bottom in tinsel and garlands.  The Christmas tree is up and there are creepy reindeer and little elves on every corner staring down at the shoppers as they pass from store to store.  And...I would know this because the mall is my new home away from my home away from home.  Yep, I've added yet another obligation to my already cringe-worthy schedule:  seasonal help at the mall!

I've accepted a part-time position at Pottery Barn Kids at a nearby mall.  It's a beautiful setting chock full of ridiculously expensive items that I'm sure I'll be tempted to splurge on (but, alas, cannot afford) in every nook and cranny.

Am I a glutton for punishment?  Am I trying to be the first overachiever at overachieving?  These are excellent questions, and ones I've considered myself!

As a wife, a mother of two, a freelance writer, and a full-time grad student, I often feel like I already have about a dozen jobs to juggle.  The simple truth, however, is that I'm spending a WHOLE bunch of time to a whole lot of work that doesn't really pay anything.

And, well, if you've ever been a kid on Christmas morning you realize how disappointing it would be if you opened your stocking to discover a note that says "Your mom wrote you a blog for Christmas!  Love, Santa"  Hmmm, yeah, that doesn't fly with a 4-year-old and 2-year-old.  Haha!  So...mommy's picked up a little seasonal job to help Santa's Christmas budget along.  :)

I'm excited about it, actually!  As much as the reality is that I'm working for the money, I'm excited to embrace a new opportunity to meet people, be around lovely holiday decor, and somehow let my gifts be used in a new setting.  I'm able to work evenings and weekends, so I'm thankful to have a willing husband who is getting some quality time with our girls when I'm away.  This is a TEAM Pardy effort, no doubt - just like parenting and school and work are.

Certainly, I'm convinced more caffeine than actual blood is running through my veins these days.  Don't get me wrong - I've pretty much abandoned the idea that "balance" exists, and I'm fully depending on the grace of God to get me through the days ahead.  But, as I bring you in on this new chaotic step in my life, I hope that it will encourage you to just love what you are doing wherever you are, and to look for the ways in which God can use you no matter what.

So - be kind to those crazy checker-outers at the mall as you shop this holiday season!  It's gonna be nuts out there, with shoppers and sales seeming more intense than ever before.  Keep your cool and smile as you shop - you never know when you might be smiling at an insane, wife/mother/writer/student who is doing her best to keep it all together.

God is good.  And the season for smiles is just getting started...

Keep it Simple: Confessions of a Mult-Tasker

Women are known to be superior multi-taskers.  Mothers are the super-human versions of the ultimate multi-tasker, wearing multiple hats that help them meet the needs of others, their home, and themselves.

This morning, my 2-year-old woke me up at 4am.  I heard the "click-clunk" of her door opening and her little feet pattering in hall coming my way.  I got out of bed, met her at the doorway, and scooped her up in my arms.  She didn't say anything, no crying or whining, and she simply melted into my neck as I breathed in whole hunks of her whispy hair that still smelled of sleepiness.

Who knows what woke her up?  A bad dream, a strange sound, or maybe just restlessness had prompted her to crawl out of her crib at an ungodly hour and come find comfort.  Either way, she just needed her mama.

I rocked her in my arms a bit before returning her to bed.  I swayed back and forth, stroking her hair and rubbing her little back, remembering the hours I would spend doing this when she was but an infant.  I am so grateful for these times when my being provides everything that is an answer to her needs - I know it won't always be so simple.

In my weariness, this sweet moment made me nostalgic, and I thought to myself - Oh how I wish I could only be a mother.  I laid my sweet baby in her bed and snuck quietly out of the room, miraculously not waking her sister laying in the toddler bed only a foot away.  I went to go back to sleep, and spent the next hour pondering the sadness of my nostalgic thought.

Then, it occurred to me:  What if I gave myself the freedom to just be a mother? What would it look like to just let myself do that?  I don't need to be everything all at once all day long.  I can't be.  Why am I trying to be, for goodness sake.

I'm wearing a lot of hats these days.  As a wife and mother, a writer, and a grad student, I often feel like I'm working three full-time jobs with no pay.  My days are filled with the hazy lines of where one part of me ends and the other begins.  I find myself increasingly frustrated with not being able to "find balance" or multi-task beyond my capacity.

When I first became a mother, I had three glorious months of maternity leave.  I stayed home, stared at my baby, and knew it was a sacred time in my life that would be short-lived.  It wasn't "easy" by any means, but it was simpler and such a special time in my life that it needs no romanticism to be remembered as lovely.

When I returned to work, I had a new schedule that included working from home one day a week.  This started off fine - as my newborn slept on and off throughout the day and remained immobile in her swing or bouncy seat while I did the work I needed to do.  However, as my baby grew, so did her needs; and it wasn't long before I yearned for the separation between work and home as I chased my crawling child, made a phone call, attempted to nurse her, and answered emails all at the same time.  It was crazy-business, and it made both jobs SO much harder.

Here I am again.  I have two kids who I desperately want to engage with.  I have the luxury of being able to stay at home with them and be with them.  And I am constantly allowing myself to be bogged down with the pressures of work and school that are all vying for first place in a mental race inside my head.

I'm needing to re-establish some serious boundaries in my life.  I'm realizing that motherhood is the only job that doesn't allow for you to tell others "I'm sorry, can't you see I'm working right now?  That will have to wait."  If I was sitting in a cubicle at a computer, I would never expect another employer to walk up to me and ask me to mop the floor while I was sitting there.  See what I mean?  So, why am I expecting myself to be able to work for multiple "employers" all at the same time?  I'm just being a bad boss if that's what I expect.

I need to let work be work time (even if it's at 5 in the morning like today), let school be school time (even if it means watching less TV), let couple time be couple time (oh yeah, I have a husband I adore), and let mommy time be mommy time.  I want to want to be there for my kids.  I'm tired of letting my other (albeit important) tasks interrupt the focus of my life.

I needed to be reminded that life can be simple.  It can be me, holding my child, just swaying and praying, and that is more than enough to take up all of me in that moment.  I'm praying now for God to help me be able to establish clear lines of how to appreciate it all, but not feel like I need to do it all at once.  I'm called to be a wife and mother, a writer, and a grad student at this time in my life.  This season is not as simple as I might have once thought it would be, and maybe you know how this feels too.

How many jobs are you trying to do at once?

If you're like me, then it's rare that you just hold your kid and only be a mom for a moment.  I'm always thinking ahead to the next chore on my list:  what emails need to be sent, what chapters need to be read, that project I'm presenting, that paper that's due soon, what blog should I be working on, that article I'd like to write, those contacts I need to connect with, that phone call I should return. those library books that are overdue, the milk that's running low, the meat I forgot to thaw, the oil change that my car needs, the birthday card I have to get, that check I need to mail, etc. etc. etc.

Welcome to the mind of a woman, right?

How did my life get so crazy that I'm trying to juggle all these things at once!?  (And I'm guessing your life is no less crazy - we each have our own version of juggling mayhem!)  I remember learning to juggle tennis balls in gym class.  I was never very good at juggling, but one thing I do know is that when you learn to juggle, you don't throw all the balls up in the air all at once - you'll only watch them all fall down in chaos.  But, if you keep your eye on one ball at a time, you can get into a rhythm that allows you to focus on each one of them in their given time.

I know I can't always keep the boundaries from intersecting.  Sometimes I will have to stop swinging my girls and take a phone call.  Sometimes I'll need to put my kids in front of the TV so I can cook dinner or write an urgent email.  And sometimes it will be a great example for my girls to see that their mom loves what she does by using the gifts that God has given me and why it's important to work hard.

But...most times...being a mom is the only thing I need to be for my kids.

They don't need me to be a student, or a writer, or a great cook, or a perfect housekeeper, or a super hero.  I can't juggle it all on my own, and I want my girls to grow up knowing that I didn't!  I have a supportive team and a mighty God who is here to keep me in line and encourage me along the rocky road of life.  And, I have two sweet daughters who gave me the (literal) wake-up call to remember how simple it really can be.

[Time to put the computer away.  My mommy shift is about to start.]

When God Shows Up on the Way to Old Navy

I originally guest blogged this post for my friend Stephanie over at A Wide Mercy.

Here is the post in full...

When Stephanie asked me to write a blog about taking a leap of faith, I about fell out of my chair. If she had asked me even the week before, I would have had plenty to tell. Three months ago, my husband and I moved 2,000 miles with two toddlers and no job in sight. However, at this moment, I knew exactly what God was telling me to write, and that wasn’t it. 

I had two hours of free time. FREE time. Child-free time. And, this just about never ever happens for me. My husband had just that morning received an official offer of a job that we’d been praying about for months, so I was feeling on top of the world that afternoon. Our journey of unemployment had come to a sudden halt, and I was ready to celebrate. The relief of having a couple hours to myself brought on the most delicious of problems: What shall I do with my time?


It took me about two seconds to decide to go shopping. As any mother knows, the freedom to try on clothes at your leisure without someone griping at you and pulling on your arms is a gift unlike any other. This mama was SET on some seriously selfish time to go blow some cash on a new dress! Woohoo! Old Navy, here I come!

I walked out the door, confident and totally full of myself. I couldn’t remember the last time I had gone out by myself without an errand like “remember diapers” or “stop for milk” attached to it in some way. I was thrilled with the notion of escape and ready to appease my inner bargain hunter with some new duds.

As I took my exit, I saw her. A woman around my age, sweaty and in clothes much too small for her. She held a cardboard sign which read, “Please help. Need diapers. God bless.”  My heart sunk at the thought of who those diapers must be for, and I reached over and as I shuffled my hand around my purse, I realized I had no cash on me. Traffic progressed forward, and so did I. I turned and said a quick prayer for her. Poor thing. That must be rough. But, who knows, maybe she’s not even telling the truth. She probably just wants money. She probably doesn’t even have a kid.

I turned onto the road toward Old Navy and came to a stop sign. I could see the store in the distance, calling to me with the empty promises of consumerism that will fulfill my every insecurity. And then – GOD SPOKE. (How do I know it was God? Because I know myself pretty well, and I would never tell myself this. I wanted a new dress, after all).  God said, “Are you sure you want to go buy a new dress you don’t need when you live in a world where someone is asking you for diapers?” 

I rolled my eyes. I sat at the stop sign a full minute. I sighed and made a deal. Ok, God. I will go all the way back around. But, if she’s not there, then I’m coming back for that dress. Okay? I’m pretty sure this is when God rolled His eyes at me too.

I didn’t just turn around. Remember, she was at an EXIT. So, I had to literally drive another mile, do a u-turn, and then flip my hazards on and pull up to the corner where the exit let out. The whole way I was making excuses. God, seriously? Look how much trouble this is! I’m holding up traffic! I’m taking so long, she probably won’t even be there anymore! She was.She ran up, and I rolled down my window. And all of a sudden she was a real human, staring me in the face. She had a name. And a daughter. And a need.

I told her I would run to Target, that I had some things to get anyway, and could she meet me over at that parking lot by the bank in about an hour? She could.

I went into Target with a weird nervousness. I was on a mission, and it had nothing to do with me. God spoke, I listened, and now He was providing. You’d think this would have hit me in the face earlier in the day when we had been given the gift of a new job after three months of unemployment. Indeed, we were struck with gratitude for God’s provision…and there I was, ready to go blow it at Old Navy. Instead, I was blessed with the new opportunity to pass it on, pay it forward, and spread the love that had been shown to me just as readily. What’s more? When God tells you to do something and you do it, He makes it easy on you. The diapers that she needed were on clearance that day – go figure. So, I got her the BIG box, and I didn’t stop there.

I don’t just serve the God who meets needs. I serve the God that goes above and beyond…and that’s who I needed to reflect. I picked up a little stuffed animal for her daughter, and a small book of bedtime prayers with real verses inside.  I got some water and healthy snacks for them, and some nutritious toddler food as well. I didn’t know what to get, and it really didn’t matter. I just prayed, and purchased, and packed my trunk in the name of Jesus.She found me in the parking lot where I met her daughter and two male friends. I have no idea who these people are…but, I know God, and I know He doesn’t make mistakes when He creates life. 

I handed them the Target bags and they were incredible grateful.  And then, I told them my  story. I told them all how God had just blessed my family with a new job and that’s exactly why I’m able to be used to bless them now. I told them God cares, and it’s not easy out there.  I’m so sorry that you’re going through this rough time, but this is not the end of your story. And, then, I prayed for them. OUT LOUD and in the name of Jesus Christ. I prayed for their protection, their provision, and that they would be encouraged and dependent on Jesus alone to provide a way for them to be able to bless someone in return very soon.

I reached out, I looked them all in the eyes, I hugged the little girl and put my hands on the shoulders of the mother. I was human with them. WITH them.

And then, I got in my car and drove home to my girls and my shelter and my belongings I don’t deserve. I repented from my selfishness and thanked God for the opportunity to be part of something that made a tangible difference and reminded me of my ongoing need for Him alone. I thanked Him not only for His provision, but also His graciousness in overlooking my doubt and utilizing my stubbornness and turning it into ACTION.

Opportunities are everywhere. I’m amazed at what God places in front of us when we just start to ask Him to show us. Sometimes it is scary. It almost NEVER makes any sense at the time. We can almost ALWAYS justify a way out of it. But, when I put myself out there and make myself available to His work, taking action becomes the easy part.

A leap of faith doesn’t have to look like abandoning security and traveling 2,000 miles with two toddlers.Sometimes it looks like a trip to Target where you find diapers on clearance. Look out. Look around. 

You’re right in the middle of your next chance to act.

Midterms

It's been a long, long time since I've had a midterm.  In fact, the last time I even heard the term "midterm" was to reference the status of reaching halfway through my pregnancy and it had nothing to do with homework at all.  The only test I had to pass back then was the anatomy ultrasound and going shopping for more pink clothes.

But, this is a very different midterm.  I'm a full-time grad student, and I've never felt it more than these last couple weeks.  My many faces of midterms indicate just how thrilling and confusing it all feels.  I'm feeling thrill and pressure and eager all at once.  Tests, projects, papers, research, and genuine, honest-to-goodness library time.  Who in the world am I?  How did I get myself into this?

Ever have moments when you don't quite recognize your own life?

I was thinking the other day that if I ran across a job description of my life, I would turn it down in a heartbeat.  All of the hours and stress and fortitude necessary to keep up with the reality of it all spelled out on paper would be unfathomable to me.  It might look something like:

Wanted:  Caretaker for two humans that act more like monkeys than children.  Must be able to fulfill their every need at any given time, including overnights.  Must be able to meal plan on a tight budget and make sure household clothing is wearable at all times.  Must be able to fit in massive amounts of reading and paperwork on "downtime".  Research and writing proficiency expected.  Attendance at all meetings, curricular and extracurricular, required.  Must not forget to bathe on occasion.  Ability to function on little sleep a plus!  No pay, but many intangible perks.  Apply today!

Ha!  I would immediately disregard this position.  Who in their right mind would go for this?  And yet - here I am!  Smack dab in the middle of the irrational chaos, trying to soak up as much knowledge and memories as I possibly can.  I am being pushed to my limits and loving it.  I am wringing myself dry with every hour that passes, and then praying to absorb the importance and value of the present like a sponge left out in the rain. 

This is a specific season of my life that I've been called to.  Midterms is really a micro-analogy for these next couple years in school while I try to balance home life and homework.  There's no way I could do it without my husband, my friends, my family, my support, and my God who is greater and mightier than any cup of coffee (and I would know).  

I might be sleep deprived and over-caffienated, but I'm not alone.  

What's your midterm?  How are you functioning in the middle of your own chaos?

Many of us would never apply to the position that we're currently in.  Lots of times life throws us more than we could ever bear alone, and that's exactly how I think life should be.  The people around us, the challenges and trials that shape and mold us, they are all used in very specific ways to push us towards who we're meant to be.  With prayers for wisdom and perseverance, God allows us to take part in each other's calling.  In fact, maybe the last part of that wanted ad should mention something else:

*Must collaborate well with others and ask for help when needed.  Assistance provided upon request.

Now, that's something I'm glad I signed up for.  

The New Job

My husband has a new job!  After three-and-a-half months of waiting, Josh started his new job yesterday (can I get a Hallelujah?)!

Time to dust off those dress shoes!

Because so many of you walked this journey with us, I wanted to let you know how truly incredible God is in granting us the opportunity of this new job.  The first day for him to put on a tie and show up on time and meet with new people and earn a paycheck started yesterday...but, in reality, the beginning of this job started long before.

About a month after we moved here, we saw a listing for a job at the new school where Josh is working.  He was really interested in the school, but in complete honesty, he wanted to head into a Marketing position, and the job that was posted was not in marketing.  He was qualified for the job, however, so we began to pray about it.

For one, beggars can't be choosers...and we needed a job.  More than that, however, we decided as a team that we couldn't limit God to what we wanted.  How did we know what God had in store?  Who were we to try and cage God into the scope of our view?  God is so, so much bigger.  And, holding onto the truth that God wants the best for us, Josh humbly applied for the posted position.

Six weeks later, long after we thought the time had passed to even be considered for the position, Josh got a call to interview.  By the third interview, weeks into the process, something extraordinary happened:  the Head of the School had noticed that his gifts seemed to be steered toward creative ideas, and that he had real strength in brand management.  Little did we know, they were already considering bringing on a new person in Marketing full-time...and suddenly they were interested in Josh for a completely different position.

Josh came home that day awestruck, and we were dumbfounded at how God was working behind the scenes on our behalf.  Our journey of faith that took us 2,000 miles and three months into an unknown future were culminating into dreams we never imagined possible.  It wasn't going to magically resolve all our questions or dilemmas, but it was going to prove the unchanging faithfulness of God's direction in our life yet again.

The first day on the job was wonderful.  He is sipping from a blasting fire hose of new information, no doubt, every first-day-on-the-job feels overwhelming and exhilarating at first.   But, each person he has met has welcomed him with joy and affirmation.  He's right where he's meant to be, learning and growing and excited to use the talents that God has instilled in him.

We don't yet know the full extent that this new job holds for Josh.  Every job has its difficulties, and I'm sure as time goes on this one will present it's own challenges in one way or another.  Faithfulness does not make one immune to uncomfortableness...in fact, it inevitably secures it.  But, right now we are so grateful to be resting in the assurance that we are exactly where we are supposed to be.

Thank you, again, to all of you who have supported us through this crazy time in our lives.  We knew that at some point we would find our "new normal" and it feels like we are finally hitting our stride in our new city.  I know it will take months to continue to adjust to the changes...but, for now, the changes  have plateaued to a palatable level.

If you are waiting on God...if you are searching for answers...if you are frustrated by lack of direction...wait.  Time is a real element that God utilizes for His plans.  Time is never wasted when it grows faithfulness.  And time is sometimes all that's standing between you and the great big God that is working behind the scenes on your behalf.  Hang on.

Victory!

Guys.  I'm starting this story at the end, and trust me, you will still want to read it after I tell you the best part.  Here goes:  The job search is over.  JOSH GOT A JOB!

I've had a bottle of champagne sitting at the back of my fridge allllll summer, and now - it's time to celebrate!  I am beyond thrilled to announce that after three and a half long months, my husband is going to be the Marketing Coordinator at a local, private school. Hallelujah!  Praise be!  Thank you, Jesus!

And now that you know the ending, just wait until you hear the whole story...

He first applied for a job at this school about 10 weeks ago (whew!)  It was actually for a different  position, and one that he was unsure of taking.  He knew he could do it, but if you asked him what he would truly want to do, what his gifts and desires were directing him towards, he would have told you his dream job would have been to step over fully into a marketing position.  Truth be told, it took a bit of a prayer and twisting of his arm to get him to apply in the first place.  But we prayed about it, and he knew our God was not limited to an application, and so he took yet another step of faith and wholeheartedly put his hat in the ring.

A good six weeks later, he accepted a position at Trader Joe's, a local grocery store that we love (and who's roots are in California, so it really felt like a piece of home for us!)  We are SO incredibly grateful to Trader Joe's, and we were bursting at the seams to tell everyone that he got hired there - except that, the day after he started there, the school finally called to interview him!  All this to say, we've kept silent about this job journey the last several weeks because we didn't want any potential employers to question the loyalty or schedule of what we were pursuing.

You get it.  Job hunting is hard enough!  It was the best problem we'd had in weeks - to have been hired at a (albeit, most likely temporary) position while interviewing for a prestigious opportunity.  We didn't want to confuse the situation by having "Found a job!" posted on a status update and muddling the unemployed waters.  So, thanks for understanding and respecting our roll-out of this info!

A couple interviews at the school later, and God shook the very ground we were standing on.  After interviewing Josh for a different position, the head of the school saw something in him that revealed the talents and passion he had for marketing.  It was one of the most affirming moments I've witnessed in his life, and I'm so grateful God placed someone at the right place and time to recognize and distinguish this in him.  Two more interviews (and a few more weeks) later...and it's official.  He got the job.

We are ELATED.  We are so so so so grateful.  We are blown away by the goodness of others and the goodness of God.  A year ago I would have told you that we would have NEVER moved here without a job, or that it would be impossible to do so, or that it would be irresponsible, or that there's just no way we could have survived three and a half months with no income.  But, here we are.  Because....because God.  The end.  Because we listened and obeyed, and really, really, really NOTHING more.  God made it all happen.  Only God.

And here's where I get real honest with you.  Here's the part where you are feeling all "oh, how nice that worked out for you" and I'm about to blow that thought right out of the water for you...so, just keep reading.

The night before we got the job, God told me something.  He said, plain and simply, "You know that if he gets this job it doesn't solve your problems, right?  Only I can do that."  I kind of brushed that off and said another prayer for the job, and then I BEGGED God for the job and then I thanked God and still said "but, please God, seriously, please let him get this job".  I didn't quite let what God told me sink in all the way.  I wanted Josh to get that job.  It would be A problem solved, and so my heart and mind were set on that.

Then, he got the job.  And, I felt relief.  I felt joy.  But...I didn't feel any more secure than I had the day before.  In fact, neither Josh nor I jumped up and down like we had in the past when much smaller victories were won (You got a call baaaack!!!!  You got an interviewwwww!!!)  Not this time.  This time was different.

Josh got the job.  Hallelujah.  But, that's not the victory here.  The victory - the moral to the story - is the three and a half freaking months that came before the job.  The miracle is the survival, the journey, the long road of impatience and questions and doubting.  The loving marriage that sustained the waves of tumultuous worry.  The food on the table brought by friends.  The cards of encouragement and support sent by loved ones.  The pride found in working a blue-collar job.  The strength of a family cared for by a community and body of Christ.  THAT'S OUR VICTORY.

I never could have guessed it.  Even a few weeks ago I could have told you what this blog post could have looked like - a long and relentless bragging about my husband and how awesome he is and how good God is for rewarding his efforts.  No.  Not at all.  Don't get me wrong - Josh is my hero - but, we're giving credit where credit is surely due, and that goes entirely to Jesus.

Here's something else - Satan hates it when we give Jesus the credit.  And today, just as we were eager to awake with feelings of assurance and celebration, we were spiritually attacked from all sides as Satan did his best to steal our joy and distract us from the goodness of God.  I'm really being honest here, gang.  Today was ROUGH.  Even my daughters were stressed out and overly emotional and the littlest things seemed like the end of the universe in our home.  Each one of us was in a terrible mood, annoyed and frustrated, irrationally snappy and completely out of sorts.

We literally had to stop in the middle of our morning and pray aloud in our living room to just invite the Holy Spirit to be present with us, to help us focus on His peace and faithfulness, and to not let anything distract us from the beauty of the moment and the assurance of God's goodness.

But, here we are.  We are here to CELEBRATE and let you know that God IS good.  Wholly good.  And the job is wonderful...but, it is merely a facet in the structure that is our lives as they should be lived out according to God's will.  We are grateful - but, not fooled by the false sense of security that money and benefits offer in this world.  We are humbled, and we are sincerely blessed by the long three and a half months where our faith was stretched far beyond the boundaries of our liking.

Thank you, thank you, thank you - to each of you who prayed for us, supported us, encouraged us, and fought the good fight through the victory of the wait.

God is using us here.  God has big plans for us.  God is good - really - all the time.

We're so grateful to celebrate God's goodness with you!

Waiting

How many of you are waiting on something?

Maybe you are waiting on a job, like we are.  Maybe you are waiting on getting pregnant.  Waiting on an adoption to go through.  Waiting on a call from your doctor.  Waiting for your boyfriend to propose. Waiting to hear back from that school/program/organization you're hoping to get into.  Waiting on your order at Chipotle.  (Hey, it counts!)

Chances are, there are several out there who are waiting, waiting, waiting to hear from God about something that will epically change your life, for better or for worse.  My husband has been unemployed for over two months now, and this is not the first time God has made us wait and wonder as to what His plan may hold.  Still, patience continues to be a quality that I'm constantly in need of.

About five years ago, we were waiting for another reason.  We were trying to get pregnant.  We had been extraordinarily deliberate in our plan to have a baby, seeking the counsel of others personally and professionally to help us in the decision to jump into the murky and unknown waters of "trying".

Months went by, and I was still not pregnant.  There had never been any fertility issue on either side of our family, so when we first jumped into the ring we naively supposed we'd be making grand announcements within the first few months.  And, so, we began down an emotional roller coaster that kept us on our toes two-weeks-at-a-time.

In effort for my husband to truly grasp the emotional toll that this process was taking on me, I remember making an analogy for him.  Not getting pregnant, for me, is like unsuccessfully job hunting for a man. It's like, every time I see a pregnant woman out there, I think "Why HER?"  Clearly, I'm qualified for the position!  I'm perfect for it, I have all the experience and credentials I need.  And every time I'm not pregnant it's like someone rejecting you for a job you're overqualified for.

I can remember a conversation with a close confidant about 9 months into our journey.  I remember telling her how, when we'd first began to try to get pregnant, this would have been the month we had a baby.  It was weird.  I ached and longed to hold my own child, so it felt like there was no reason at all for God to have delayed the gratification.  I remember this person telling me "But, just think, when you finally do get pregnant, it will all make sense.  You'll look back and think 'Ah!  This is why God made us wait!'"

Now, I know that there are readers out there who are experiencing infertility, even waiting, who are currently in the midst of devastation.  I know that my story can seem like nothing compared to others who go through years and years of trials and hardships - so, I am in NO way trying to say that I know how that feels.  I don't.

But, when you are in the midst of it - when I was crying out to God on my bathroom floor after getting my period each month, when I was weeping and cursing and questioning "Why not me? Why not now?"...all there is is either "baby" or "no baby"...there's no timeframe or logic or end in sight.  So, all that to say, the year it took us to get pregnant felt like an eternity to me.

The year came to an end, and my first "fertility" appointment got changed to a "pre-natal" appointment. And even after I gave birth to a perfectly gorgeous baby 9 months later...I still had no idea why God made us wait.  I still wondered why in the world I couldn't have just surpassed all that pain and ended up with my gorgeous baby the year before?  What difference did it make, God, really?

Well...fast-forward to today, and here's one difference:  My husband has spent the last few months getting rejected by jobs he's overqualified for.  And I know just how he feels.

I can't tell you all the reasons God had for the way it all rolled out.  I can't tell you how many lives it altered or how much we really grew as humans or as spouses through that journey.  Some things are simply immeasurable.

But, I can tell you that now I know what it feels like to be married to someone who feels understood because of a time that God brought us through together.  I can tell you that there is a reason (probably many) for the waiting - and that it is not in vain.

Growth is rarely comfortable.  Change is almost never convenient.  But, dependance on God, no matter how long it takes, is always, always productive.  It's not that I have-to-believe-this-cause-I-have-no-other-choice.  My life is a testament to His follow-through!  He is faithful to answer and be with us no matter what the answer is.

You are not alone in your waiting, friends.  And your waiting is not wasted.

Wait on!

More

Since moving to Nashville just a couple months ago, our time of "settling in" hasn't been the easiest.  We knew it would come with challenges, but we could never have anticipated some of the craziness we've encountered.  While my husband's job search continues (prayers appreciated as always!) we have started to hit a stride of "normalcy" in settling into our new home.  It's a great feeling!

As I was laying in bed a few nights ago, I did what I usually do when I can't fall asleep:  I counted my blessings.  This has become an effective "default" for me to turn to in the wee hours of the morning, always helping me focus on the goodness and faithfulness of God instead of the worries that too often plague my thoughts at such a vulnerable hour.

Just as I was telling God how especially thankful I was for my daughters, that they are both healthy, and sound asleep in their beds, my heart began to swell with gratitude.  Indeed, we do have much.

Then, I began to pray for a job for Josh.  Again.  I mean, I can't tell you how many times I have to surrender this request to God throughout the day. 

 

Please, please, please Lord, please use his talents in work that would bring you honor and please let someone call him soon with an interview, and please let it be the perfect job for him!  Please!  

Right then, right in the middle of my appeal, a voice of doubt interrupted with, "Who are YOU, to be asking for MORE?  How can you list all that you've been given and then ask for MORE?"  

I paused for a moment.  

Then, in what I can only describe as a "Holy Ghost moment" a new thought, armed with the truth of Christ, refuted with authoritative clarity:  How? How can I ask for more?  Because I worship the GOD OF EVERYTHING.

Whoa.

I was stopped in my tracks right then and there.  Peace rushed over me as I continued my prayer to ask God for a job for Josh.  And then, I just laid in bed and pondered the truth that was spoken through me.  

I worship the God of everything.  He isn't just the God of things that go well.  He isn't just the God of healthy babies, sleeping husbands, and safe apartments.  He isn't just the God of my school work and good weather.  He isn't just the God of my gratitude.  HE is the God of MORE.

When you worship the God of everything - it's okay to never run out of requests.  It's not only okay - it's awesome!  He wants you to come to HIM for everything.  

My doubts and frustrations and worries can interrupt my focus so many times.  There's plenty to distract me from the truth that God is in control and hasn't forgotten about our needs.  But, the reminder that I worship the God of everything is, indeed, ALL I need.  It certainly helped me that night as I drifted off to sleep.  Turns out, the armor of God makes for pretty comfortable pajamas.

Ephesians 6:10-18New International Reader's Version (NIRV)God’s Armor10 Finally, let the Lord make you strong. Depend on his mighty power. 11 Put on all of God’s armor. Then you can stand firm against the devil’s evil plans. 12 Our fight is not against human beings. It is against the rulers, the authorities and the powers of this dark world. It is against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly world.
13 So put on all of God’s armor. Evil days will come. But you will be able to stand up to anything. And after you have done everything you can, you will still be standing.
14 So stand firm. Put the belt of truth around your waist. Put the armor of godliness on your chest. 15 Wear on your feet what will prepare you to tell the good news of peace. 16 Also, pick up the shield of faith. With it you can put out all of the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Put on the helmet of salvation. And take the sword of the Holy Spirit. The sword is God’s word.
18 At all times, pray by the power of the Spirit. Pray all kinds of prayers. Be watchful, so that you can pray. Always keep on praying for all of God’s people.

Bummer Day

Okay, so I'm sure you are all wondering how yesterday went?  How did the big job interview go???  Well, as you might gather from the title, it was not the winsome and celebratory day that we longed for.  As my three-year-old Matilda says, "It's a bummer day, huh mom?"  (Though I think she was referring to the fact that I wouldn't let her eat cookies for supper.)

Unfortunately, not long into the interview, they began asking my husband about his experience in graphic design - of which he has none of.  That is to say, the job is not the "perfect fit" we were led to believe it might be (no design qualifications were listed in the job description, nor are they on his resume).

Josh came home disappointed, frustrated, and confused.  I could feel the cloud of discouragement settling over our house, so I promptly scooped the girls out the door and headed out to run a couple errands and let my beloved ponder in private.  This was a good move for everyone, and many hugs and long sighs were had when I returned home.  Misery loves company - but, only after a good while of decompressing the day's events.

It's frustrating.  You do all you can that's seemingly within your control only to have all of the things that are out of your control spin out of place.  So, we pray.  We wait.  We try to occupy ourselves with pursuit of any other speck on the horizon that might soon come into view as the direction we're meant to head.  There are still many applications and resumes out there that are floating in and out of people's hands, and prayerfully making their way to the proper time and place and person.

I'm not embarrassed I blanketed the internet with prayer requests for my husband.  It's not like I'm rolling the dice here, hoping that one of those prayers hits the jack-pot.  On the contrary!  I'm so insanely thankful that I have the body of Christ to support us at this time!  Thank you, and keep em coming.

I'm reminded emphatically tonight of this verse below, and I hope it lifts your spirits as it does mine.  It is such a TREASURE to be fighting for what is good and righteous, and I'm impervious to defeat when I put my faith in God alone.  Hallelujah!

2 Corinthians 4: 8-9, 17-18
8. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9. persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed...17. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Job Interview

Today, my husband Josh has a job interview!!!  I put this out there, anxiety-ridden-and-all, to humbly ask you to pray for him, for this opportunity, and for God's will in this situation.  He'll be interviewing at the Nashville Rescue Mission at 2:30pm Central Time.  The position is Creative Services Manager, and it seems like an awesome fit.  Not only does he fit the criteria, but it's something that he would really love to do.

Anyway - I know this is really bold to just lay out for you.  In fact, I'm red in the face as I'm typing this, feeling the pressure build up as questions like "Won't this post be embarrassing if he doesn't get the job?" float around in my head.  Sure.  Of course.  "Defeat" sucks and rejection never feels good...so, yeah, I'm running that risk.  But, who am I to be embarrassed for asking for prayers?  We need em, you got em, and sometimes it really IS that simple.

The thing is, when it comes to things I really want - the hardest thing about praying isn't asking for prayers - it's asking you to pray for God's will in every circumstance.  It's hard for ME to pray for God's  will in every circumstance.  Because, even as I tack on a "...according to Your will..." at the end of my prayers, God still knows that in my heart I'm shouting "THIS IS WHAT I WANT!" So sometimes it just seems silly.  But, it's not.

So, what does it even mean to pray "according to God's will".  This can be a deep and sticky subject if you really dive deep.  There are whole volumes of books out there that will try to knock-down-drag-out what the idiosyncrasies of what and how much God has defined in our lives already.  But, I'm not going there.  Not because it's not important, but because at the end of the day, if you are praying sincerely to a God who wants the best for all of us and believing that HE alone can make best of ANY situation, then I think you already have your priorities straight.

So, please and thank you, pray for God's will for Josh's interview today.  We want the job.  We hope for the job.  We pray for the job.  But, we won't be defeated if this is not the job.  We rest in the assurance that God's will is for what is BEST for us, and however we can bring Him the glory and be the greatest testament to His awesomeness, then THAT is what we strive for.

Thank you, all!  I have no idea how long it may be until we know something about this position...but, I will keep you all posted!  I can't tell you enough how much we appreciate your prayers and look forward to celebrating God's answer to this prayer.

Under Attack

photo cred to my 3-yr-old.
That's me, prayin over the chaos

My friends, I don't say this lightly when I tell you the truth: my family has been under spiritual attack.

I hope that you were able to read the previous few posts from last week regarding our "waiting season" of life at the moment.  How we up-and-moved across country.  How we took a leap of faith and settled into a new home.  How we're still waiting on the promise of a job for my husband to come through.  How we're living life on the frustrating fence built by trust and obedience that feels like it might collapse any day now.

We've lived in Nashville about 6 weeks now, and none of them have been easy.  It's not like we're facing life and death circumstances, I don't mean to belittle any hardships that others might be going through by any means.  But, our time since leaving California has been fraught with obstacles; and, well, their piling up into a ridiculous mess that can no longer be ignored.

Besides my freak accident of falling down the stairs (and being debilitated for a good couple weeks), we've faced annoying strife after annoying strife.   Just last week both our daughters caught the stomach flu.  I got a terrible cold the day after.  And the next morning, my two-year-old woke up with mysterious "bug bites" covering her arms.  After 72 hours of thinking we might have bed bugs in our house (talk about a panic attack) we see two doctors and finally get a diagnosis that she is fighting a virus that should be cleared up in about a week with Benadryl and a steroid.  (Poor baby!)

sick babies are just SO SAD

It was about this time yesterday, still sick with worry that my polka-dotted-baby might have something seriously wrong with her, that I began to ask God whether or not a plague was truly on our home!?!  I mean, I felt like I was trying my hardest to look through rose colored glasses that were smeared, stained, cracked, and barely hanging on my face any longer.  I'M TRYING HERE, GOD!  HELP!

Deep in the dark of nighttime, as I lay in bed and hold my daughters close (they slept with us the last couple nights as we had to quarantine their room) I felt a small voice of assurance echoing in my heart.  It sounded something like this, These are not signs of misdirection.  You face these adversities because you are on the right path, not the wrong one.  I never promised it would be easy.  I promised I would be here. I am.

It was the sound of truth, of Jesus, of the reality that I could no longer feel but could wholeheartedly recognize, nevertheless.  I have access to the peace that surpasses all understanding through the Savior, and that's the only thing I can cling to right now.  As my weeks are riddled with confusion, chaos, and the grief of another job rejection, I must rest securely in the unchanging TRUTH that Jesus isn't going anywhere.  Praise be.

Satan wants nothing more than to make us give up, or fight with each other, or to take credit for the job ourselves when it finally comes.  I'm thinking he must especially hate that I'm writing about it all - how I honestly struggle with finding God's goodness in this messy day-to-day struggle; but, then, I don't have to be the one finding it because God is constantly pursuing ME, seeking to reveal Himself in new and amazing ways.  I'm pretty sure Satan didn't like that I wrote all about the realities of unemployment last week - and how God is using that for teaching us to depend on Him more and ourselves less.  And I'm sure he will hate that my husband and I are growing closer and more in love through this time.

So, please, join me in not giving up.  Join me in praying openly and helping give glory to God through these hard times.  Pray for my family, that God would provide for us and protect us emotionally, spiritually, financially, and physically.  I'm not too proud to genuinely reach out and ask you to please pray for that job to find its way to my husband, that the right door would open or the right person would pick up his call.

God is using each of us, connecting us in amazing ways, building an incredible network that will somehow glorify Him to the utmost - and we are all part of that story.

Matilda, praying over the Dining Room

This evening, spawned by the encouragement from a friend, our family gathered in every single space in our new home and held prayer over that area.  We prayed against Satan and In Jesus Name spoke aloud a command to have anything evil leave each premise.

We prayed to specifically invite the Holy Spirit into each space - every bathroom, closet, bedroom, and so on.  If there was a doorway, we prayed over it.  We covered it in truth, and asked God to bring peace and thanksgiving and goodness into our home.

Some of you readers might find me kooky, or paranoid, or hyper-spiritual, or just desperate.  I'm cool with all those terms.  What's important here, what I want you to know about me is this - I'm nothing if I'm not transparent.  I'm telling you the truth about what I really believe.

I get upset, I get confused, I get angry - God knows all this.  I love Jesus and talk to Him all the time - yet, it wasn't until today that I finally put hands on my doorframe and spoke aloud my prayers openly.  Be specific.  Be deliberate.  Be fervent in your gestures and requests to Jesus.  I don't think something "magical" happens when you pray out loud or extend your hands - there is NOTHING we can do that changes who God is in any way.  But, it certainly changed ME, and it freed me of any burden I might feel in my home.  There is only one Master of the house around here in the Pardy home, and it felt amazingly refreshing to speak that out loud again and again and again.

Thank you for your prayers.  I feel them and know they are lifting me up each day.  I cherish them and welcome them and can't wait to share so many answers to those prayers as they come.