The Three Words I Never Thought I'd Say

I know they say to never say never, but I really never thought I'd be saying these next three words:

I miss school.

I know, I know, I know.  It's ridiculous.  I'm only out of school for a couple months and instead of reveling in the fact that I'm free of homework, don't have to read hundreds of pages, or trying to shuffle my schedule to take part in a group project, I'm kinda sorta sad that I don't have class.

This is what you call transition.

I was just getting used to the fact of being labeled "student" again, and now I'm not. There I was, constantly under the burden of learning and engaging and regurgitating information, formulating ways to apply it in personal and professional settings, looking for approval from peers, supervisors, and the daunting grades that would post on my student profile, and suddenly I'm back to the "real world" with no scale for knowing exactly how I'm doing.  Whew.  

I gotta confess:  I loved it.  

There's no grading system for motherhood or extra credit for laundry.  There's no supervisor patting me on the back for staying up late with a kid who is throwing up or defrosting dinner on time.  It was nice to have an area of my life that was so entirely structured.

I liked knowing what was expected of me (syllabus), I liked engaging in deep conversations over topics I'm passionate about (classmates), I liked receiving praise for hard work I poured into projects that took time and energy (grades), and I liked gaining the encouragement from those who are far more advanced in the field than I am (professors).  Grad school was a wonderful little bubble for me to travel to and live in for a short time, and like most things in life - it passed by all too quickly.

What transitions are you experiencing lately?

Transitions have a way of making us appreciate the past.  Every milestone I meet in life comes with both grief and celebration, leaving me with that pit in my stomach that both longs for an encore of what has been and the anticipation of what is to come.

Just because you want something to happen doesn't mean you're going to like it all the time.

That's the grand illusion of transition.  We expect that if we have been waiting and wanting something to happen that when it does, we should only ever be grateful and thrilled that it did.  

But, too often I forget that honest feelings don't void gratitude.

Maybe you're not just out of grad school and missing the camaraderie of the classroom...but, perhaps you can relate to one of these:

When you get married, you miss being single.

When you break up with someone, you miss being a couple.

When you have a baby, you miss life before children.

When you send your kid to school, you miss them needing you all day.

When you start a new job, you miss the freedom of familiarity.

When you move away from home, you miss your family.

You get it.  Transitions in life aren't easy, even when you welcome them with open arms.  As a new mother with a new degree and a husband with a new job, I know I'm feeling transition in multiple areas of my life right now.  I'm so grateful we have an unchanging God who always knows which direction is up!

James 1:17 (NIV)

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

Classy Gal

Back to School!

Just weeks ago, I crossed a major threshold in my education and met the halfway point in my Masters Degree!  Last night I officially became a "Second Year" student in the Marriage & Family Therapy program, stepping ever closer to my goal.

Whoa.  Guys.  The first night of class is always overwhelming, and last night was no exception.  I've had many "first days of school" and yet it felt like the first time all over again as I held the fire hose - err, I mean Syllabus - and felt my brain numb inside my skull.

Assessments, Exams, Papers, Interviews, Videos, Community engagement, and books upon books of reading to accomplish.  Really?  All of this will get done in the coming weeks?  By me?

Yes. It will.  But, not without your support.  All of you - any of you - who read PARDYMAMA and reach out to me and pray for me and encourage me to no end....we are on the home stretch!  The final year is here!  But, at this very moment I can not imagine it all getting done.  The mountain is before me, and I'm weary, and I'm in awe, and I'm oh-so-curious what is on the other side.

I struggle with the insignificancy of my life/complaints/happenings/problems/issues.  I know that there are insanely unexplainable horrific things happening in the world that are far, far, far more urgent and important than my needs.  I am beyond blessed, and it feels selfish to pray for myself amidst the news that surrounds us all of someone else's pain or persecution.

But, our God is bigger than it all.  God is the God of "heal my friend from a terminal disease" and the same God of "help me not lose my temper with my toddler".  It's bewildering and humbling to me that I can lay my stress at the foot of the cross the same as I can a global crisis.  WHAT?!  Yep, He's the God of it all.  He cares just as much.  My needs are valid, even within the context of this crazy-fallen world full of mystery and evil and challenges that run the whole spectrum.

Do you have a significant need in your personal life that seems too insignificant to ask others to pray for?  I do.  I have many.  And I'm dumbfounded at the reminder of 1 Peter 5:7,

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

Catch that?  ALL your anxiety.  All MY anxiety.  Not just the global crises, the terminal illnesses, the broken relationships, or the catastrophes...but, the stresses of work, the frustrations of motherhood, the never-ending to-do list that keeps you awake at night, and the financial concerns that keep piling up.  All of it.  And this gal is going back to class needing your prayers.

Would you pray for me in this season of crazy?  Can you let me know how I can pray for you?

I can't do this alone, and I knew that going into it.  But, at this very first day of my second year in, I'm overwhelmed with the duties before me.  The next 365ish days are going to push me to the edge, and I want you all there holding my hands, helping me remember why I'm here in the first place and helping me enjoy the view.

Please pray for my ability to maintain healthy boundaries, to be able to keep my priorities and time management reasonable.  Please pray for my family as they endure the brunt of my attention being spread thin, that we can work together toward this goal and grow closer through it again this year.  Please pray for mindfulness for myself, that I can be in the present and maintain a grateful heart amidst the chaos, not wanting to fast-forward through this experience and just skip to the end.  Whew.  Thank you.  THANK YOU.  Your prayers mean the world to me.

Prayer changes things...but more powerfully, prayer changes people.  And, it is such a unique and brilliant privilege to get to communicate directly to our Creator about our specific needs, no matter how great or small.  I would LOVE the privilege to specifically pray for you as well - we're in this TOGETHER after all!  Don't hesitate to shoot me an email with a prayer request.  I promise to lift you up to our great big God who will tackle all our anxieties better than either of us ever could on our own.  

Gonna be a great year - here we go!

Email me: emily@pardymama.com to exchange a prayer request!

Halfway There

Last night I completed my first year of grad school.  I finished my finals for summer school and the next time I step in the classroom I'll be a "Second Year" which is bossy-talk for "Senior".  BOOM.

Granted, I have lots of work in the next two weeks finishing up "Supervision" requirements and beginning compilation of my "professional portfolio" which is a lot of busy work that amounts to a giant binder full of accomplishments and rigamarole that hardly anyone will care to lay eyes on.  Whew. Still, I'm sure in a year or so I'll be glad I've started organizing this information (or so they tell me) and either way, it'll get done.

So, I'M HALFWAY THERE.  Halfway to being an official "Marriage and Family Therapist".  One year away from a Master's Degree.  Unreal.

I am so thankful for any and all of you which have inspired me, encouraged me, and all around supported me through your prayers and words of affirmation.  I don't say it lightly when I tell you I could absolutely not accomplish this without the help of many.  So, GOOD WORK TEAM!  We're halfway there!

I can't tell you how much I need to be halfway done with this journey.  It's hard to convey the toll that sleepless nights, mountains of reading, and stressful test-taking have taken on me.  It's a paradox of effort - both growing in my passion and knowledge of something I desire to learn; and at the same time, stumbling around at times to grasp the courage and stamina to pursue such.  In a way, it's the longest labor of my life.

Parents - remember having a newborn? (Or maybe you have one right now!)  How much you want to stay awake, staring at that sweet baby, soaking up every single moment that you just can't bear to let pass without your acknowledging its beauty...And then, maybe minutes/hours later, dragging your shell-of-a-self out of bed to answer the cries of that baby's every need, every moment, every time, knowing you should have been sleeping while they were sleeping earlier and resenting the fact that you're resenting your own baby for keeping you awake AT ALL TIMES whether they are doing it out of their need or their sheer cuteness?  There's no regrets to staring at a baby, yet there's no replacement for energy/sanity/motivation in that moment of exhaustion. You can't win, and yet you win every time.

Sigh.  I get that.  I felt that with my babies, and I sort of feel that way now.  I want to study and read and learn every single thing that I can possibly absorb in this two-year adventure...yet, I know full well that I have got to step back and balance the priorities and be more-than-okay with accomplishing only what's within my grasp.  And the reality is (just as in parenthood) this is only the beginning.  The adventure doesn't stop at two-years, it really only gets better and better.

More learning will come.  The reading is endless.  The writing will not stop.  And, the cycle of learning-makes-me-humble-making-me-a-better-therapist-making-me-more-humble-making-me-a-better-therapist will continue throughout the rest of my life, I'm sure.  True growth demands humility.

I've never been more excited and more exhausted since becoming a mother for the first time.  Getting my Master's (at this time in my life, especially) is rich with complaint and celebration.  I can whine a lot about the homework, the amount of time it all takes, the stress and pressure it adds to my weary brain...but, never let me lead you astray - I freaking LOVE it.

God has put me in this place and time for this specific purpose, and I am having a glorious time being challenged and compelled and stretched beyond my imagination.  I had no idea I could accomplish the things I've done in the last year - and it's only by the grace of God and the help of others (yes, YOU) that I've even attempted these things.

I'm pretty stoked on what the next year holds for me.  I know it will be insane, challenging, busy, and full of moments of insecurity.  But, I have no doubt that I will be surprised by how God will use my journey to teach me more about who He is, and who He wants me to be - and maybe there will be something along the way that will speak to your heart too!

Let's do this!

Proverbs 16:3

Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.

School Girls

Today marked a milestone for the Pardy girls: they started "school" today!  Okay, so it's not really, truly for-real school, but it is being away from mama and under the authority and care of another for about 5 hours.  Whew!

My girls, Matilda (4) and Daphne (2) are enrolled in a one-day-a-week Mother's Day Out program at a local church.  I had been gearing my emotions up for this day for many weeks now.  I scoped out the site well over two months ago and was thrilled with the care and attention and kindness that the staff showed.  I was also glad they were accepting youngsters mid-semester and able to fit my girls into a Thursday only schedule. (Like finding a needle in a haystack in the middle of the night, let me tell you.)

Matilda has been excited for the last 10 weeks anticipating the arrival of "School day".  Daphne, however, did not grasp the concept until her world came shattering down about 9:30am this morning when I said good-bye and handed her the kitty backpack with matching lunch bag.  (Somewhere in my heart I felt like the ratio of cuteness-to-sadness would be diminished by the sheer adorableness of a tiny pink matching back/lunchpack duo.  I was sorely mistaken.)  Still, I could hear her crying quiet down even 10 seconds later as I made my way down the school hallway.

Matilda was ready to high-five and start playtime and blow me off for good.  A big "thumbs up" and she became THE icebreaker of the classroom.  "Hi!  My name is Matilda.  I'm four.  I had my birthday party at McDonald's!" (This is her standard greeting to anyone who will bat an eye at her.)  Love that spirit.

My girls are growing up!  They are looking like real, for-real PEOPLE.  Like, actual humans who are their own little selves creating paths and adventures that stem off of the beaten road I've carved out for them.  Sure, they've always been individual beings, but there's nothing like seeing those little faces grow and shape into  tangible absorbers of real life.

I didn't shed a tear.  I didn't break down in the car.  This bodes well for Kindergarten down the road (no   promises, even the IDEA of it gets me a little weepy) but, I'm so proud of my girls for taking this step and working with me and Josh towards a routine and a goal for our family to function well.  It's exciting to think about how this will progress our family.  New crafts, new ideas, new friends, new education - all things that will soon fill my home (and my ears) out of one small shift in our routine.

School girls, you make your mama proud!

Fresh Start

I'm BACK!  Hello world, hello new year, hello FRESH START and new beginnings.

Last year was CRAZY and I don't expect any less insanity in 2014.  It will surely be different craziness, as I don't plan on moving 2,000 miles with two toddlers and embarking on a entirely new course for my life by starting grad school.  Still, the year ahead marks a milestone of transition that is in process as we continue to grasp our bearings on our new life in Nashville.

For many of you, the new year started last week, when the clock struck midnight and your diet kicked into full swing.  But, despited the blanket of ice that has immobilized the surrounding metropolis, today is a day of MOVEMENT in my soul for the coming months ahead.

Each year brings change.  Change is rarely comfortable, and so preparing for a new horizon of possibilities can feel daunting at times.  As I rested over the holidays (oh, and also worked my buns off at the mall handling the wackiest of customers) I was reminded how my actions are merely a reflection of the strength God provides me.

I do because He did.  Not the other way around.

I felt fear in looking ahead at my schedule for the coming year:  All the obligations I have as a mother to wipe noses and make sure I hug and kiss enough and read the right story books and get them to eat at least one vegetable.  All the passion I have as a wife to serve my husband well and encourage him and speak truth to him and love him with genuine respect and admiration and romance.  All the fortitude and determination I sink into being a grad student, the piles of books and papers and the unattainable task to always be the best in class.  All the anxiety and excitement of taking on my first clients for therapy and being vulnerable enough to absorb the critiques of my supervisors.

It's a lot.  It's too much for me.  But, it's not too much for my God, and not a surprise to Him at all that I recognize my weakness through the challenges of the life I'm living.

There are a lot of goals I have for 2014, but essentially they all culminate into one word:  thrive.  I don't want to just survive anymore.  I don't want to just see what's in store for the day and check boxes that get me from A to Z.  I don't want to just look down and see the tracks I've made in the path behind me, but I want to stake out new ground, uncover new strengths, and seek out fresh perspectives that I've never known before.

There are many midnights ahead of us to create, and recreate continual resolutions for the days ahead.  We can each take refuge in the strength we don't have by resting in the assurance of the stronghold that we do.  Thank you God for a fresh start, for the chance to change, to refine, to restore.  Thank you for new years and new opportunities.  Your grace is like new fallen snow, even as my dirty black boots trudge through the unchartered areas.

Thank you for the future.  Here I come.

Survivor

I did it!  I survived finals week!  [cue "Eye of the Tiger" here]

I have officially completed my first semester of grad school, and I can hardly believe it.  I'm 1/6th a Master!  Ha.  And I'm genuinely looking forward to my brain shriveling back to its normal size over the next three weeks.  Siiiiiigh.

Last week was RIDICULOUS.  It was one of those weeks where I was literally expecting to turn on the news and hear that there were asteroids headed towards Earth because that was just about the only thing left to go wrong in my little world.

While juggling the usually bowling balls of raising two kids (ages 4 and 2), working seasonal nights at the mall, and completing my Finals (one massive project, two papers, another semi-massive project, a video assignment, and a weekly online discussion board assignment), I barely had time to sleep, let alone cook or clean or make sure I had applied deodorant that day.


I expected a few things to go wrong during the week.  I mean, even on a good week I will forget to put the milk back in the fridge or let my daughter wear pajama pants all day or totally not remember that I left the clothes in the dryer (a week ago).  But, this was no typical week.

saddest thumbs-up ever

First, the weather was NUTS.  It had just been 75 degrees a week ago and so we went to the zoo for the day.  The next day, it dropped 30 degrees and the clouds shielded us from any sunlight.  I had spent hours (here and there) getting our 2013 Christmas card together over the last few weeks, and JUST finished writing out the last address.  Eager to get them out before they got destroyed or lost inside my home, I set them out by the mailbox as usual (under our overhang which is reasonably protective) and took my girls to Target to run an errand.

At Target, I nearly lost Daphne TWICE.  She would wriggle out of her cart-straps, and BOLT.  The girl was like Seabiscuit, rounding corners and shrieking down aisles at the top of her lungs.  By the time we left, it had started pouring cats and dogs, and we raced out to the car without an umbrella.  We were soaked!  I was exhausted by the time I got home, and my heart SANK when I came home to this:

wet and wrinkly Christmas cards

It had POURED in the timeframe we were gone, and my Christmas cards were drenched.  I had to spend the next hour hand-blow-drying each one so that it was salvageable.  Thank goodness, they were.  Whew.

Then, Saturday was the real kicker.  I finally had a calm morning with no where to go.  My husband was hanging out with my brother, so it was just me and the girls, curled up to watch "Curious George Christmas".  My youngest was extra snuggly, so I thought "Ah, she is calm - perfect time to trim her nails."  Simple enough, right?

I'll cut to the chase (no pun intended).  New clippers and flailing baby hands don't mix.  I knew when she screamed it was not just a knick.  Half-a-roll of paper towels later, I could still not get her thumb to stop bleeding, so I announced to my four-year-old "This is an EMERGENCY!  Go get dressed!  We have to take her to the doctor!"

Matilda has never impressed me more.  She jumped up and ran upstairs, explaining to our cat the whole time how "This is an emergency.  Don't worry!  Daphne will be okay, but I need pants!  I have to go so she can see the doctor, okay?"  Quick as a flash, she was downstairs and helping me get out the door.  I was still in yoga pants and slippers, but who cares?!  I wrapped Daphne's hand in paper towels and secured an glove over the top of it.  By the time we got to the ER, the blood had soaked through the glove.  It was just about the worst feeling of my life.

The nurses were quick and very helpful.  The bleeding stopped not long after we arrived and the wound revealed itself to only be superficial - no stitches or glue necessary.  Hallelujah!  It was bad enough I maimed my own child, I couldn't bear the thought of her getting minor surgery because of it.  Good heavens.

They cleaned and dressed the wound, making it as baby-proof as possible so she couldn't pull it off.  Matilda danced and sang and entertained us all so that we could have a happy distraction while we waited.  God bless her sweet and spunky spirit.  I'm so grateful for her care and encouragement, and it was a wonderful reminder that her craziness can be used for good and not only for being a naughty, frustrating, four-year-old.

Last night, I peacefully wrote the last paragraph of my last final of my first semester of grad school.  And that was that.  I survived the week.  Rain, shine, blood, sweat, and tears.  Maybe this last week was really just a beautiful, messy, symbolic representation of what the entire Fall has been.

It was quite the grand finale.

Finals Week: Hiatus

Stack of books, Jesus mug of coffee, fried brain cells, lack of sleep.  It can only mean one thing....FINALS WEEK!

PARDYMAMA is on hiatus until next week.  Pray for my sanity and my survival.  You know there'll be some epic tales to come from all this...

See you next week. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Class

Well, enough of you kind folks have inquired as to how my class went on last Friday, I've decided to indulge you.  ;)

As part of my grad school curriculum, I was given the opportunity to teach an undergrad Marriage & Family Therapy class for one day.  My topic was "Ethical Dilemmas" and to be honest, only a few weeks ago I probably knew as much about the topic as any of you (or possibly, much, much less).  So, I did what any good American would do, and began with googling "what is ethics" and went from there!

Certainly, I was able to read ahead in my studies (since, ironically, we have yet to cover this subject in my own grad classes - yikes!) and track down some literature that helped me learn more about the subject and led me to do what every good teacher ends up doing when preparing for a class:  scavenging YouTube clips of relevant material.

The class I taught was about 20 students, mostly upperclassman, and the majority were female.  The professor met me at the beginning of class and was incredibly encouraging as I set up my prezi ("prezi" is the new hipster method of PowerPoint as I've recently come to find out) and looked out upon my minions...er, I mean students.

I figured I probably looked a million years old to them and while I may have smiled back with a trying-to-hard-to-get-them-to-like-me smile, I knew they expected me to know what I was talking about when I opened my mouth, and that was an exhilarating and daunting feeling.  Lucky for me, I was armed with a bag of KitKats and fake-it-till-you-make-it confidence that none of them seemed the wiser to.

I introduced them to ethics, what it was, what makes up an ethical dilemma, and we began watching a variety of clips I pulled to demonstrate the breadth of how and where and why ethical dilemmas present themselves among the most mundane to the most dramatic of circumstances.  Hunger Games, Breaking Bad, Grey's Anatomy, and an old smoking ad that showed a medical doctor endorsing Camel Lights helped spur our conversation about recognizing the ethics in a variety of situations.

Finally, I showed them the "ethical dilemma of all ethical dilemmas" and played the clip of Sophie's Choice that I'm sure left them all scarred for life.  To my surprise, one student actually knew the name of the film and the cinephile in me was proud that apparently someone is still teaching these kids pop culture influences within cinematic history.

After this, I broke them into groups where they came up with their own ethical dilemmas and had to distinguish the two sides (at least) to the situation and give pros and cons (or, cons and cons) for each side.  This played out well (the KitKats didn't hurt) and they seemed genuinely engaged as they shared their dramatic scenarios which ranged from heart transplant narratives to euthanizing a family pet.

With each story, I then (here's where my extemporaneous speech background comes in handy!) "upped the ante" on the spot and made the choices even harder.  For example, one group suggested the ethical dilemma of choosing between giving a heart transplant to a mother or a doctor...and after we discussed that, I said "what if it was an elderly nobel prize winner and a twenty-year-old criminal?"  It was nice to see the wheels turning in their heads.

I wrapped up the class with some talk about the Code of Ethics that therapists abide by, what that means and how we use it and/or struggle with it.  And, I gave them the basic outlines for assessing situations within therapy that might present ethical dilemmas and how those are approached in professional practice.

Overall, it was awesome.  It was refreshing to be in front of a group of students who were respectful and engaged.  I don't think I'll be applying for any teaching positions any time soon, but I'm grateful for the experience and humbled that my colleagues entrusted me with the responsibility of it.  It also makes me really, truly grateful for my college professors (past and present) and the unseen amounts of time and energy that they surely pour into their work day in and day out.  Wow.

Professor Pardy, signing off.

Midterms

It's been a long, long time since I've had a midterm.  In fact, the last time I even heard the term "midterm" was to reference the status of reaching halfway through my pregnancy and it had nothing to do with homework at all.  The only test I had to pass back then was the anatomy ultrasound and going shopping for more pink clothes.

But, this is a very different midterm.  I'm a full-time grad student, and I've never felt it more than these last couple weeks.  My many faces of midterms indicate just how thrilling and confusing it all feels.  I'm feeling thrill and pressure and eager all at once.  Tests, projects, papers, research, and genuine, honest-to-goodness library time.  Who in the world am I?  How did I get myself into this?

Ever have moments when you don't quite recognize your own life?

I was thinking the other day that if I ran across a job description of my life, I would turn it down in a heartbeat.  All of the hours and stress and fortitude necessary to keep up with the reality of it all spelled out on paper would be unfathomable to me.  It might look something like:

Wanted:  Caretaker for two humans that act more like monkeys than children.  Must be able to fulfill their every need at any given time, including overnights.  Must be able to meal plan on a tight budget and make sure household clothing is wearable at all times.  Must be able to fit in massive amounts of reading and paperwork on "downtime".  Research and writing proficiency expected.  Attendance at all meetings, curricular and extracurricular, required.  Must not forget to bathe on occasion.  Ability to function on little sleep a plus!  No pay, but many intangible perks.  Apply today!

Ha!  I would immediately disregard this position.  Who in their right mind would go for this?  And yet - here I am!  Smack dab in the middle of the irrational chaos, trying to soak up as much knowledge and memories as I possibly can.  I am being pushed to my limits and loving it.  I am wringing myself dry with every hour that passes, and then praying to absorb the importance and value of the present like a sponge left out in the rain. 

This is a specific season of my life that I've been called to.  Midterms is really a micro-analogy for these next couple years in school while I try to balance home life and homework.  There's no way I could do it without my husband, my friends, my family, my support, and my God who is greater and mightier than any cup of coffee (and I would know).  

I might be sleep deprived and over-caffienated, but I'm not alone.  

What's your midterm?  How are you functioning in the middle of your own chaos?

Many of us would never apply to the position that we're currently in.  Lots of times life throws us more than we could ever bear alone, and that's exactly how I think life should be.  The people around us, the challenges and trials that shape and mold us, they are all used in very specific ways to push us towards who we're meant to be.  With prayers for wisdom and perseverance, God allows us to take part in each other's calling.  In fact, maybe the last part of that wanted ad should mention something else:

*Must collaborate well with others and ask for help when needed.  Assistance provided upon request.

Now, that's something I'm glad I signed up for.  

TBT: Toddlers Are Like College Students

It's Throwback Thursday on the blog!  While I'm in the midst of midterm mayhem in grad school, I look back on this blog with even deeper understanding (and need for it's humor) than I did when I wrote it a little over a year ago... Enjoy!

With all the "Back to School" commercials I see on TV these days, it makes me all jittery and nervous with that excitement and nostalgia flooding my mind as I think back to my own school days.  It's been a long time since I've been in school and my own kids have a few years to go (thank goodness!) but, it still makes me tense when I see all those ads for pencils and notebooks and new Reebok Hightops with the velcro (okay, maybe there aren't commercials for those anymore, but ever since that style has had a resurgence in fashion, it makes me miss my grade school days!)

I started having flash backs of my school days through the years:  the boisterous elementary years, the awkward and torturous junior high days, the long and full-of-attitude-and-angst (thanks 90s music) hours of high school that seemed to tick by ever-so-slowly, followed by the happy-go-lucky days of college...footloose and fancy free, indeed.

Even though you know that those times were filled with impossible drama and heightened emotions, as a grown up now days, you can't help but look back with a bit of wonder and joy at your own naiveté.  "Oh, it's funny how I thought I had actual problems back then!"   We always associate these things with adolescence...this sense of our "small planet" being all there is that just escalates and grows until we finally burst into the "real world" and have to get a job or have a baby or say vows to someone we would die for.

But, I don't think it starts in adolescence...I think it starts right after we are born!  And, the more I thought about this, the more I realized more and more how similar my two-year-old, Matilda, is to being just like those ripe-minded twenty-somethings daring to take on the world one foolish/brave notion at a time!  (Don't get me wrong, I love a dreamer - I grasp and grasp to hang on to my ideals with all I can!)  So, here, I've concluded a list for you to chuckle over; a "back to school" analogy for parenthood...

Why Toddlers Are Like College Students

1. They think they know everything.
2. They are sure you think you know everything, but are also very confident that you actually don't.
3. They expect you to feed them whenever they are hungry.
4. They have no money.
5. They want to wear pajamas all day.
6. It's perfectly acceptable for them to wear pajamas all day.
7. They believe toast is a meal.
8. They never make their bed.
9. They expect you to do their laundry for them. 
10. They like all cereal, but somehow it always ends up on the carpet. 
11. They can relate to every television show they watch.
12. No matter what you say to them, they probably disagree with you.
13. They aren't afraid to tell you how they really feel.
14. Their music is loud and annoying, but too catchy to ignore.
15. You wish you could get away with wearing the shoes they wear cause they're just so cute.
16. A backpack is a perfect accessory for any outfit.
17. They hate reading but they hate lectures even more.
18. They would stay up and play till the wee hours of the morning if they could.
19. They can never get enough Disneyland.
20. They are always overtired, but never want to go to bed.
21. They can talk for hours and you still might not understand what they're trying to tell you.
22. They think the world's biggest problem has something to do with bad guys that look like Ja'far.
23. They expect and want you to tell them what to do when they really need you.
24. They really need you when the toy they want costs more than your rent.
25. They make headbands look cool.
26. They believe a couch is just as good as a bed.
27. They are only as nice as their last nap was. 
28. A road trip always sounds fun to them until they are trapped in the car.
29. They cry when things don't go their way.
30. They cry when things totally go their way.
31. It's really hard to sit through church without playing on the iPhone.
32. They think milk goes great with every meal.
33. They love to experiment with new hairstyles.
34. Just because they wore the same outfit yesterday is no reason to change clothes.
35. They remember every inappropriate thing you say. 
36. They laugh at their own jokes, even if you don't.
37. Friendship means you share dress-up clothes.
38. They think libraries are basically only for social get-togethers. 
39. They believe adventure and new discovery could take place anywhere, anytime.
40. They expect to see every place on the planet that they want to see.
41. Someone smiling at them can truly change their day.
42. They want to play house but not commit to anything just yet.
43. They want to make friends with everybody.
44. They want to be the loudest person in the room.
45. They can see right through people who don't believe in them.
46. They always want a snack, even if they just had one.
47. The floor surrounding their toilet is always disgustingly filthy.
48. Their room can never be dark enough.
49. They feel loved when we buy them stuff, even little stuff.
50. When they pray, they talk to Jesus like He is sitting right in front of them. 

Kids.

You gotta love em.  

Happy new school year, everybody!

First Day of School

OH.Ver.Whelmed.

Wow, guys, I had my first day of school last night.  My classes are only once a week, on Tuesday nights from 5-10pm.  So, I basically spent five hours with my face in front of a fire hydrant last night, trying to gulp more information than my brain could sponge up.

It was overwhelming and exciting, much as I anticipated.  Anytime you get handed a syllabus with an entire schedule laid out of expectations you have no clue as to fulfill, it's going to be mind-boggling.

On top of that, I met the 22 people I'm going to be spending the next 2 years with - my "cohort".  We are all on the same track, taking the same courses, and forging through the same challenges ahead.  To my surprise, there are 21 women...and one very brave guy.  I kinda felt like I was pledging to a sorority!  So, that should make things fun and interesting to say the least.

We got our books, we met our professors, and we scrambled to grasp what exactly we had gotten ourselves into.  The bar is high.  The mountain is steep.  And it's going to be freaking incredible.

One thing is for certain - this is right where I'm supposed to be!  Even as my eyes glazed over at the sight of the syllabi that dared to intimidate me with such words like "clinical conceptualization" or "genograms" or "1st order cybernetics" (I mean, what the crap do these things even MEAN????  Have I just signed up for a course on the Klingon language, or what?) even then my heart beat with a thrill at the thought of the adventure ahead of me.

I have no IDEA what these things are....BUT I'M GOING TO!

I went to bed around 1am after having read part of one of my textbooks.  There's a TON of reading in grad school, and I'm NOT the fastest reader.  There are a lot of challenges ahead of me, and one thing I'm dedicated to is YOU GUYS.  I have a lot on my plate, and you're all going to be along for the ride.

As I drifted off to sleep last night, I felt so thankful for this opportunity.  And, I was reminded of my "life verse" that I chose as a teenager, years ago.  (Do you have a life verse?  Just a motto from the word of God that can be a steadfast reminder for you no matter what stage of life you are in?)  Well, here's mine:

Proverbs 16:3Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

I can't imagine a better time to wholly commit my actions to God.  It will surely be to His credit that I achieve this feat.  And I thank each and every one of you for your support as we dive into this venture!

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BONUS SNEAK PEEK!

Have you entered the Share & Care Contest yet???  Enter up to three times a day to win a fabulous care package from PARDYMAMA!

Here is a sneak peek at one item in the care package - a pound of coffee beans from one of my new favorite coffee shops in Nashville, Frothy Monkey!  Now, that should perk you up!

Why I'm Becoming a Therapist (pt. 1)

As you may have heard by now, I'm heading back to school!  It's been a loooong time since I've been in the classroom.  Okay (ahem) almost 8 years.  It's still hard for me to believe that I'm in graduate school since only a decade ago I wasn't even ever sure I would (or could) get my Bachelor's degree, let alone a Masters.

I haven't always liked school, but I've always loved the "idea" of school.  Needless to say, I was as shocked as anyone when I genuinely started entertaining the thought of going back.  I'll be the first to admit that I attained my Bachelor's in English by the skin of my teeth.  (I truly flirted my way through Spanish III so that I fulfilled the language requirement.  Otherwise, I'd still be 3 credits and many un-conjugated-Spanish-words away from holding a degree in my hands.  Whew!)

But, the beautiful thing about graduate school (and one of the things I'm most looking forward to) is that everyone really wants to be there.  Every student there has worked hard and specifically applied to get to this time and place, and everyone is interested in the same subject matter.  Yay!  I can't wait to be meeting my fellow psychopaths (though I may withhold that particular nickname until a few weeks into school).

I'm going to get my Masters in Marriage & Family Therapy.  Yes, I will be a licensed therapist when all is said and done (that is, after many many many more hours of accumulating licensing hours even after I have my degree in hand).  So, this is a genuine commitment, and I'm in it for the long haul.

Why in the world would I want to be a therapist? 

Well, first of all, my primary reason is that I'm called to it.  No, I don't think I have what it takes to "fix others"...but, I do believe that Jesus does.  And I believe that a whole host of a never-ending education (in and outside of the classroom) will help me be able to relate this to anyone who God may place in my path.

I always thought about becoming a therapist "later on" when my kids were in school and I had life more figured out and it was "convenient" etc. etc. etc.  You get the picture.  Then, as we began talking about moving to Nashville last fall, I started to have some conversations with people I deeply respect who literally just pegged the question at me (many times, out of the blue, within about a week's time) Have you ever thought about becoming a therapist?

I actually had.  Many times.  But, I kept sweeping the idea out of the way simply because it didn't "fit"into my lifestyle at the moment. Still, when that many people pose the same question to you, it kind of makes you stop and wonder.  So, I did.  I wondered.  Then I googled.  And soon enough I found myself showing my husband websites of universities in Tennessee that offered programs that fit both our schedules and our dreams.  It was weird.  It was surprising.  It was everything I'd been waiting on.

Okay, okay (I can hear you saying) but why a therapist?  

Here's the thing about therapy.  Think about having coffee with your best friend.  They understand you, they want to be around you, they like to listen to you.  Now, imagine telling that friend anything or everything you may be feeling or worried about, or just excited about, or really anything.

You completely trust your friend...but, if you are being honest with yourself, your friend has deep opinions about your life and others around you.  Of course they do - they should - that's what friends are for.

Now, replace that best friend with an unfamiliar, yet kind face.  Someone who is approachable, will pray for and over you, and someone who you trust completely within moments of meeting them.  This person listens to you, they validate you, they are concerned with the reality of truth and your perception of it rather than how things may just appear.

They have no judgment, they are only here to help.  And, just when you feel like you are getting a little bored, they pose a perfect question or scenario to make you reconsider a new angle of looking at your life that you would not have considered otherwise.  They are the objective and safe voice that respects and considers who you are and why.

That's what a therapist has done for me in the past.  That's what a good therapist does.  (And so much more - and yet even more that I have yet to learn!)

If the idea of a therapist is uncomfortable for you - I'm going to guess that you probably have never been to a therapist before, or you've been to a really bad one.  I can say this, because I've been there, and I've been to both, and I can understand your hesitation.

Unfortunately, as in any occupation, there are some terrible, ill-equipped people doing this job.  Sure.  It happens.  Just like there are awful lawyers out there.  Just like there are smarmy mechanics.  Just like there are jaded teachers or bitter pastors.  And, if you've gone to a terrible counselor (or even know someone who has) and felt like they were master-mind manipulators out to get paid exorbitant amounts of money just to ask "How does that make you feel?" then you probably have very little respect for the occupation.

BUT - this is where I come in and give you a hug and ask you to take a second look.  I'm sorry if that's happened to you.  That was not cool.  And on behalf of what will soon be "my people" (haha) I cringe at the idea of anyone mis-using or abusing the teachings of psychology and communication to mis-lead or manipulate in any way.  That's not what a counselor should be.  And that's definitely not what Christian counseling is all about.

I'm becoming a therapist because I believe the greatest Counselor of ALL TIME was Jesus Christ.  My gifts and interests culminate at a point where I want to understand others and help them identify with Jesus and seek Him for their healing as they grow to understand how their lives (every aspect of it) can be a resourceful tool for His glory.

Jesus didn't just come down to earth, die, and leave.  He came and related to others.  He listened, He felt, He taught, and He equipped.  He granted us numerous tools (love, respect, and encouragement, just to name a few) to share among others - all of which reflect HIS characteristics.  I can only hope I can be that kind of counselor in the future to someone else.

It probably goes without saying, but another huge reason for my getting my Masters in this, is simply to enrich my writing.  As you know, I love to write about marriage and family - what it means, the honest struggles it includes, and the journey I'm taking in learning through it all.  I can't think of a better education to receive for what I know and love than to dig deeper and acquire the academic credential my heart is already on fire for.  Basically, I want the knowledge to match the passion...so, I'm getting it.

Stay tuned...tomorrow, I'm continuing this topic.  I have another HUGE reason I'm becoming a therapist that just might surprise you.

Back to School

School buses drive by.  Jeans are on sale.  And the scent of pencil lead and erasers fills the air when you walk into Target.  It can all only mean one thing:  back to school time.

Last night, I went to "Grad School Orientation".  Yup, the rumors are true:  I'm a student again.  As I walked off the elevator and straight into a line to get my Student ID card, it really started to hit me.  I'm a student.  

It's not like I didn't know this was coming.  Eight months ago I began the process of applying to grad school to pursue my Masters in Marriage & Family Therapy (MFT).  It was a grueling process of studying for the GRE (barf), seeking out references, writing an admissions essay, and then having an interview via Skype.  All that, leading up to a single defining moment in my life when I open an email to see the word I'd been crossing my fingers for:  Accepted.

That sealed the deal.  I became a Grad Student right then and there.  But, it wasn't until last night, as I fumbled with the orientation packet in my hands while I waited in line, that I actually felt the magnitude of what I was getting myself into.

I took a seat in a big room filled with dozens of other students, all pursuing post-graduate degrees, but not necessarily the same as mine.  I had flashbacks of my early days as a new Freshman, sizing up these strangers and trying to spot a friendly face among them.  Sure enough, a kind girl that I had stood next to in line for ID cards had already saved me a seat.  Insta-friend.  Nice.

Got my smarty specs on.

We sat through about an hour of some important-guy-in-a-bow-tie drone on about the history of the school, the campus, and various other facts that I'm sure most of us have already forgotten.  (The nerd-for-higher-education in me actually found most of it fascinating, though even I was rubbing my eyes near the end of his lengthy presentation.)

When all was said and done, I had become a member of a new family.  A new class, eager to learn and ready to be challenged.  While most of us seemed nervous and excited, I looked across the room and saw a strange village of people, united by determination if nothing else.  We were all there because we wanted the same thing, essentially:  to better ourselves in order to create a difference.  

Yep.  This is right where I'm suppose to be.

Time to hit the books.

*Next week I'll be sharing all about why I decided to go back to school!